Journal

How do I stop letting my intrusive thoughts control me? Ive been having them for almost a year, once I graduated, become more isolated and lost more friends they've become worse. I feel like when I had friends and was still going to school they weren't as bad probably because I was living more so I didn't take them as seriously. But now that Im home all day and alone they've gotten worse and it feels like they're starting to control my life. Theres times where Im on social media and eventually I forget about them but then when I realize I forgot about them they come back. Sometimes the thought just lingers it doesn't even just pop in my head and go away. I can't tell anyone in my family because they'd judge me for the thoughts and they don't really believe in mental illnesses. I also sometimes think of what other people may think of me if they knew the thoughts I had and it makes it worse. How do I stop letting these thoughts control/trigger me and stop reacting or feeling some type of way about them.

I used to write everything that happened with me on daily basis. It can be any type of information like about my conversation with friends or family or what I eat, what someone did to me, bad experiences but I was doing It excessively. I used to write everything to conserve every type of memory which doesn't Even important for me. Like I couldn't resist my self to write about all bus journeys or all restaurants that I have been. But about 2 months ago I destroyed my notes and my anxiety skyrocketed for 1 week. I couldn't even move from my bed due to thoughts that came in my mind. But after talking with my friends my anxiety decreased for somedays but again many thoughts around this revolved in my head. Like will I remember what I'm doing in college life in future, will I remember my memories with my parents or grandmother or will I remember about all my experiences that I have experienced from childhood like my trips etc. I know that it doesn't sound that serious but it is affecting me very severely. I am not able to enjoy my life due to these thoughts and most of the time I feel sad and depressed. Can anyone help me about this?

I’m a bit curious, I’ve come up with many ways to handle them, I don’t have therapy, but how do ya’ll deal with them? Is it normal to come up with other compulsions to kinda just tame them? Or to convince yourself they’re not real? I’ve had different ways of handling them, but most times I get obsessed with the way of handling it or the thought that helps me beat the bad/concerning/thoughts to the point it just stops working and I need to find a more effective thought, compulsion or thing.