What do you do when you don’t even wanna stand beside your partner anymore because of height:( I am getting married and can’t sleep and function in work. What do I do:( it has been everyday. I have tried erp over and over and sitting with the thought.
What is the intrusive thought?
Do you mean height as in there is a height difference between you and your partner?
@Cinnamoroll Yes he is 5’6 I’m 5’4 but I always am having doubts so much all the time
My partner is 5’4”. When I first met him in person (we met online and dated LDR for awhile), I hate to admit but my OCD IMMEDIATELY latched onto his height and conjured within me a feeling of “disgust” (that’s the only word I can use to describe it)….I felt I wasn’t attracted to him because he wasn’t “tall enough.” I felt AWFUL. Beat myself up everyday. I loved him dearly, and wanted to make our relationship work. I gave it a chance, in spite of how oddly I felt. At this point, I had no idea I suffered with OCD. Fast forward to now, I LOVE his height. It’s perfect!!!!! I don’t even notice his height anymore—to me, all I see is how physically close he is to me and how easy to kiss!!! It’s the perfect height for my size and I couldn’t have asked for anything better. I have, for the most part, overcome the part of ROCD that nags at your partner’s negative traits (knock on wood! 😳). I now deal with other ROCD themes, but I am so glad I rode this one out. Turns out, my fear of how others would perceive him because of his height (my “guy” friends made fun of him for his height, calling him a 5th grader. I had to drop a loooooot of “friends.” 🙄) led to an OCD obsession with it. Instead of fighting it, I sat with it and accepted the bad feelings. After that, the OCD had no reason to stay, and it left. Wishing you the best. ❤️
@Cinnamoroll How did you overcome it sitting with the thought?
@Cinnamoroll I I appreciate the help so much♥️ it has been very very hard especially since the engagement happened. I have obsessed daily and think the feelings I am feeling are so true it makes me not wanna be around him. The anxiety each day gets stronger sitting so it makes me feel like it isn’t ocd but deep down I feel it is. How do you sit in the moment when it is constant and you can’t enjoy anything.
@bruin Did you have any sort of reservations about marriage before the engagement? Were you obsessing over his height before the engagement? Chances are, your natural anxiety over this upcoming transition in your life (which is very normal to experience during a change as momentous as this!) has inflated your OCD and caused new obsessions. Being nervous about marriage is normal, and something you can talk with your partner about. Now, obsessing over height (when it wasn’t an issue before!) is not normal—so you can safely chalk that up to the dreaded mental illness. What helped me was exposure. Going out in public with my partner made me confront my fears that people will judge us for his height (and his looks, which unfortunately was another part of my obsession. Even though he’s such a handsome man! Ocd had me convinced of so many “flaws”). It took a long while, but it worked. Don’t avoid your partner!!! You do not want him to misunderstand your current state!
@Cinnamoroll Yes height came and went I never cared like I do now. I just think all the time I can’t do it. Our emotional connection is wonderful but I never can stand beside him anymore without it feeling so real that I don’t find him attractive.
@bruin I know—it’s an awful feeling. And it eats at you! You’ve endured so much—please have grace on yourself and do not punish yourself for this. To punish yourself would be to distance yourself from the main you love and who loves you—don’t let OCD win. Would you have gotten this far in your relationships if your intentions were not true? Love is a choice, and you’ve chosen him again and again. OCD does not have control over that, and never will. You can choose him! And when that darn OCD episode passes, you will be okay. ❤️ Best wishes.
@Cinnamoroll Does it ever go away? Everything just feels so real and no feelings. I am struggling so bad. Everyday for the past 7 months have been rough. How do I know if it’s ocd anymore when it feels so real:(
@bruin Hmmm…For me, I’d say it took awhile. I wasn’t necessarily doing exposures so it didn’t begin to die down until I started going out w my partner frequently and embracing the feelings. It will get better!! Are you currently seeing a therapist?
@Cinnamoroll I am and I have been doing erp but the feelings feel so real I don’t know what is ocd anymore. I feel so distressed all the time.
For the past week, I’ve been feeling pretty good about my relationship. I wanted to be closer to them and I felt really affectionate. I had no issue talking to them all day. Sure there were some slip ups here and there, but for the most part, I would go back to feeling better but around last night I started getting these numb feelings again, and I didn’t think much of it because I knew it wasn’t going to last however, these feelings have now bled into today now I feel disgusted at the thought of doing anything with them, which is strange because just two days ago I wanted to be all over them I was almost obsessed with them now I feel off putt by any flirting or anything of the sort and it’s making me sad because I really miss feeling OK again. We have a date in a couple of days and I worry that I won’t be emotionally present and I will be disgusted by their presence and I will want to break up with them which I don’t really want my ERP therapist appointment is the day before our date so I’m hoping maybe it will help but I am worried that I’ll feel disgusted by their presence and I won’t feel anything if we hold hands or even kiss they’re such a sweet and kind person and I don’t wanna lose them, but I fear that my feelings being inconsistent will be an issue. I just wanna feel OK again and not have to worry about whether or not, I’m going to like them any given day. I don’t know what to do. I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t know what changed or caused me to feel this way. It makes me wanna run, I think what triggered this is because I saw somebody that I thought was attractive and started having intrusive Thoughts. And now I feel disgusted by their presence I don’t want to feel disgusted by their presence because I was feeling so good the other day and I wanted to be around them and now I don’t and it’s very concerning and I don’t wanna feel like this. I’m scared. I’m going to feel like this our date is in Four days and I worry I’m going to feel like this still in four days and I’m going to not be in the right headspace to go on this date with them. I don’t wanna cancel it because we don’t get to see each other that often, but I worry that I will not be happy on our date and I will want to run away and break up with them. I know relationships are a choice but what if I’m leading them on and I’m staying with them because I feel bad I’m just worried that I’ll never feel for them again. Please help me.
My spouse is my best friend. A few months ago I basically worshipped the ground he walked on. He’s the best partner in the world so no “maybe he’s not the right person” commentary. Lately my fear of going psychotic has brought back my intrusive thoughts about harming my husband. Now, whether it be from emotional dissociation or medications, I can’t feel any emotions so I’ve developed ROCD. This is ruining my life and has been a month from hell since my spouse/comfort zone makes me feel nothing. My therapist hasn’t given me any info on how to do anything about this other than reading a book (didn’t help). Any ERP suggestions? I haven’t done ERP before for these types of OCD
2 months ago I started suffering from ROCD. I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 6 years and everything has always felt so effortless and safe. I didn’t know that I had OCD when this started and I felt like something had taken over my mind. Out of nowhere I was questioning everything. Weather I was attracted to him or not, if I loved him, watching every single thing he does and says and micro analyzing if I like it or not. At first when I realized I had OCD i felt relief. But ever since then its just felt like the thoughts have gotten more complicated and confusing. After learning it was OCD I realized that I had been experiencing it since at least the age of 11. It started with SOCD which was debilitating for months to the point of having emotional breakdowns every night. I was eventually able to let it go but my sexuality since then has always been something I fill unsteady in. I also suffered from POCD after learning my grandfather had sexually touched one of my cousins. Even though I had never thought of a child in that way I became consumed with the fear that I could be capable of something like that. Me and my fiancé have always planned on having kids but I no longer feel excitement towards having kids because of the fear that I could hurt them. Since the ROCD surfaced the SOCD had come back full force. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. There has been so much ruminating. I’ve noticed I do a lot of mental checking on my past and our past together and it’s made it all feel gloomy because my OCD only focuses on the bad. That has made me question if I ever truly loved him or liked being around him which is terrifying. He has been so loving and has been trying hard to understand but I still feel completely in my head whether he is around or not. I have put my fiancé through so much and I hate myself for it. One of my compulsions is word vomiting my every thought which has been scaring for him and me. I’ve tried to rein that in and I’ve gotten a little better at not doing that. I just feel so uncertain of everything. I am constantly having panic attacks about not knowing who I am and I hate it. Our wedding is coming up in October and when I think of it I feel scared instead of excited. I have put the planning on hold because I want to have some sort of handle on this first but my brain is trying to convince me it’s just because I don’t love him and I don’t want to be with him forever. Sometimes I even feel like it’s impossible. Like I don’t even have a choice in the matter. That it is going to end badly no matter how hard I am trying. Every single little problem we had before this (there isn’t many) feels huge. I started with an NOCD therapist a couple weeks ago but we only just started on ERP therapy today that focuses on the SOCD. She is having me look at naked women to see how I feel and gage my anxiety. I made myself look at naked women and men and felt some arousal from both. I know logically I don’t want to be with a woman in that way and the thought of physically being with one isn’t appealing, so that is also confusing. I kept looking up photos until I felt numb to them all. Afterwards for a second it almost felt silly to have been stuck on something that felt so superficial. I know I find women beautiful but I have never felt any desire to be with one sexually or had a crush on one. I’ve only ever had feelings like that for a man. When I was done I came out excited because I felt the freedom to choose the man I am with. I know I love him and I want to be with him but after a couple of hours I feel like all I can focus on is the fact that I felt any sort of arousal towards a picture of a woman. It almost makes me feel like my OCD was right all along and I am just in denial about everything. Even when I am feeling some peace, or like I am myself again I am just terrified of when the thoughts will come back. Everything I do or say I question whether it’s me who is doing or saying that thing or if I’m just doing it because of the OCD. I feel like I have completely lost my mind. I feel like my OCD has stripped me of so much of my identity and dreams and has started to strip me of my sanity. I almost just want to quit but I know how I felt and who I was before all of this and I know this isn’t me. I can’t let it have another win. I really don’t want to loose him.
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