Stuck 18+

Always feels like I'm back to square one sometimes. I feel really off right now. It doesn't really feel like I can allow myself to fully enjoy something without my intrusive thoughts or anxiety disorders getting in the way. My life wasn't like this before 2020 came along. It was never about worrying about every little thing. It didn't have any worrying at all. There's two things that continue to bother me every single day. My teenage years and pornography. I hated my teenage years because there were a lot of negative things that were going on and being exposed to porn made all of that worse than it already was. There are some good things I can remember, but the bad things are always the overwhelming majority. Porn genuinely messed me up. I don't know what the solution is to move on from all of this besides taking medication. I don't know how to get through all of this naturally and I'm having doubts. I feel like medication is the only way at this point. I just can't stop thinking about anything that would make me anxious and I just can't stop feeling like something bad is going to happen every single day. Whether it's going to sleep and never waking up, having something wrong with my body, or never being able to move on from past hurts. I've been trying to practice coming to terms with my past self and basically being void of any judgement. There's some good days, some great days, and there's some bad days like this one. I just want to enjoy my days but I just get so much junk in my head that I can't basically.

Ifiknewthen

Date posted: 1y

Your story sounds similar to mine. Makes it easier to know many of us ocd sufferers share similar obsessions/compulsions.

Ifiknewthen

Date posted: 1y

Also i think taking medication is necessary for many of us because the ocd is severe. Im going back on paxil. Ive tried to get off the antidepressants many times but eventually i feel terrible.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

Yeah, I agree. There's no reasoning with OCD and even if I feel like the support I'm getting helps, it only helps in the moment.

Gsoto

Date posted: Yesterday

@Ifiknewthen How did you feel when you got back on paxil, I am on week 6 and feel some reduction in anxiety, but not full

Ifiknewthen

Date posted: 20h

@Gsoto I feel better. More calm. I take 20mg paxil. Wanna try to take as little as necessary. Plus you can take a drug holiday at times. Like stop taking it for a few days and youll notice some of the common side effects drop. I notice i do have to actively watch my diet because it does make me gain some weight if i eat whatever i want. I think it slows metabolism. But what is so critically important is the erp. And that requires honesty with your therapist. The goal with medication isnt to get absolute elimation of symptoms, but to keep them at bay. Ease the anxiety some.

Gsoto

Date posted: 6h

@Ifiknewthen I am happy it is working for you. I was on it for 13 years. Decided to get off it gradually and got it back full force. I just noticed today a window of normal. So it’s working, I feared that it wouldn’t work second time around. On 40 mg

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