why is it when i try ‘accept’ the thoughts to let them pass, or try sit with them, it spirals into another one, each a little more realistic as they go. i was doing so well. i’ve not felt so deflated in years 🫤
Two things help me..one I named my ocd. I am not my thoughts. And two I yell at ocd and call her name when doing so. I've found the response prevention piece is super important to stop my looping. I also try to remember ocd ebbs and flows. I was doing good for a month or so and some life stuff happened and right now is more challenging, especially the ruminating in my head. Me and audiobooks are becoming a thing cause it distracts me after I do my response prevention especially when thinking harm thoughts. You said you were doing so well.. can we focus on that? I'm super proud you were doing so well.
@Anonymous what is the response prevention peace? thank you for your support ☺️
@lolplzhelp That's when you leave things uncertain. Ocd hates uncertainty hence the reassurance, ruminating, for me googling, asking people etc. Are you in therapy w an ocd therapist doing erp?
@Anonymous No, not anymore. I was in camhs but i’m nearly 19 now - i was kept in for other reasons but i have one more appointment. thinking about going to see a new therapist i think
@lolplzhelp I don't accept the ocd thoughts, I yell back at them. My response prevention is casting doubt for the thoughts I have. For example if I thought I should put the knives away or hide them cause I might lose it my response prevention would be something like. Well I guess I'll just worry about it when I lose it. I don't know for sure I'm not going to off someone because I'll have lost it. I'll just worry about it when it happens. If I think someone hates me or j did something wrong etc and I want to text them again or message them to get reassurance I say we'll maybe I did something and maybe I didn't. Ocd is yelling at me so I'm again just gonna wait and see. There's a lot of Maybe, we'll I'll worry about it when and if it happens, it could happen i don't know, for my response prevention. If it's harm thoughts about suicide or self harm I say my response prevention then listen to an audiobook.
It takes practice. We're desperate for relief and so we tend to believe that "accepting" or "sitting with" thoughts should work like magic. You have to ride the entire wave. As much as possible continue to live your life :-).
@Ben84 I think it just scares me that i could end up sitting with/accepting the thoughts for a long time and have them not go away, that that would make it a reality sort of thing. I’m not sure. it’s scary!!
You were doing well and are still doing well. Remember Ocd ebs and flows and sometimes there's a spike. I'm in a spike right now and I have to push back and it feels like I'm pushing an entire mountain up a never ending hill
Last week was a lot easier for me. I felt like thoughts didn’t control me and my actions as much as they did earlier. Today was really hard for me and I feel like I’m starting to lose hope again:( I can’t take the thoughts and the feelings that come with them anymore. I feel like I have failed and I’m never going to be happy again.
But it actually feels worse, and no not because now Im letting myself feel the feelings, I feel more stressful and hopelessness sparked out too, and a weird scary feeling, i think its anxiety, that i feel back in the pandemic and I woke up at the middle of the night feeling that feeling many times.For years i felt good now that im trying to let myself feel the emotions, fear and hopelessness kicks in. I understand that you should accept and allow every feeling, but if you have alot of fear it will just throw you wherever it wants and you will feel hopeless. I know when you are there, feeling depressed and hopeless it means you did something bad(well not always but you know what i mean). I tried it but this scary feeling of hopeless anxiety made me stop it.
I had a really stressful couple of weeks and it's all hitting me right now. I cannot for the life of me shut off my brain my thoughts for a little and it feels like drowning. It's 1 a.m. here and I'm feeling completely hopeless like this feeling is going to last forever. I'm feeling like I can't use the tools I've been given my my psychologist and my meds feel like they've stopped working. I feel like by the end of the end I'm going to lose my mind. I usually am able to find some silver lining but today has been so bad. Everything triggers me and I have really bad intrusive thoughts about dying and finding some peace but I know that's not what I want. It's just so difficult navigating life when your brain works against you. I'm so tired and defeated and I feel like I have no one to turn to, but even that is some form of reassurance and it makes me spiral that I decide actively against it. I just feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm going "insane" from the distress. All my failed friendships and relationships have come back to haunt me and I feel like I can't get out of the house. All my sort comings are layed out in front of me and I feel like I am the worst person in the world and nothing will fix that. I have some real bad thoughts about my friends and family. And I know alla of this is classic symptoms of OCD but even though I know I can't rationalize and come to peace with them. I'm so envious of people being able to lead a normal life without this burden and in my mind it's just highlights all my shortcomings. I've had moments like this before but the last really nasty one was four years ago when I was yet undiagnosed and I really felt insane back then. I was hoping that when this happened to me again I'd be more capable of handling it but I don't think I am. I'm constantly on a battle against my mind and some times I win and sometimes I lose. I'm sorry for the rant I just feel extremely hopeless right now.
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