- Date posted
- 1y
Update on my hate for self esteem
I know exactly where it comes from. There were times where I was treating horribly as a kid but other kids. I remember when a kid hit me in the second grade and I hit him back, but I don't know why he would do that. I had one kid constantly telling me to shut up for no reason, and I was never really good at socializing. I remember one kid calling me a derogatory term, which I'm surprised he even knew the meaning of at such an age. In middle school, I was widely disliked by a group of girls because I tried to tell one of them that I liked her. They didn't like me for the ENTIRE school year. I tried my best to figure it out but just couldn't. They just didn't like me. I was bullied from time to time in high school. Someone threw books at me and pretended not to notice and someone pushed me when I was walking down the hall but I pretended to not notice. When I was a kid, I don't think I truly knew I was being bullied but by the time high school rolled around, I knew. I still remember the time a girl pointed out the fact that I do have friends in a sarcastic manner. I really didn't have any friends in high school because I fucking hated high school. Nothing good came out of it up until I graduated pretty much. Just when it was actually becoming something I liked, I graduated. I had friends and people that did like me, but I didn't know how to deal with those that didn't. I think don't, inner voice wise. Now, because of those awful events, I have severely low self esteem that truthfully I don't think was ever at a high point in my life to begin with. Aside from this, I have generalized anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. I want to hang out with friends at a place that's pretty far from where I am but I'm having trouble going through it because of my anxiety. I tried not to tell them it was my anxiety but they weren't good enough reasons so I just said it was my anxiety. I always get anxiety when around strangers and I don't really make efforts to talk to people I don't really know that well, or at the very least I'm not comfortable around fully. I hate this shit