It’s been a few months since I’ve been on here and I’m happy to say it’s because I am pretty much pure o, ocd free! This app really did help so much! I want to share the things that helped me get a grip on ocd. I don’t want to use the words “recover or control” because ocd is a part of our brains but it doesn’t mean it has to be a distressing part. I had my first ocd flare up in Nov and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was crying and panicking almost every night for weeks, looking back I can’t believe I made it through the things I needed to do in life because I was a mess. But now I look at things like atleast I know what it is and how to deal with it when it comes. So here are my tips. 1. Reading about intrusive thoughts and pure o online and in books. I consumed as much knowledge about ocd as I could. 2. Starting erp therapy on my own and with a therapist. Though I do have a therapist to guide me 100% of erp is the work I put in. I would try all the recommendations of erp from accepting the thought, to making myself have the thoughts as practice, resisting compulsions, changing the way I reacted and thought about an intrusive thought, now this isn’t easy... but I did it all the time even when I felt the panic feeling and even when the ocd was strong, even when I didn’t believe it. I faked it until I made it 3. Practice is helpful, it took days of hard work especially in the first few months but that’s what I did, I considered every day, every intrusive thought as practice 4. Once I stopped the compulsions, (luckily mine weren’t very strong and I cut them off quick) I began thinking the thoughts that bothered me, and slowly added more disturbing content into my life (my ocd was harm ocd mainly) 5. I told myself that “yes that bad thought is real” and didn’t try to comfort my intrusive thought or push it away, if ocd said I was crazy and going to be locked in a facility then I agreed, I would say it in my head and sometimes out loud “yup your right ocd I’m crazy” 6. After acceptance and exposure I began working on being kinder to myself, I didn’t think that this step was crucial but it is.... ocd wants us to suffer and in a way it’s like by giving it power I wanted to suffer too, I told myself that ocd is a liar and I don’t want to suffer, it’s ok that I have ocd I accept it but now I must be gentle with myself 7. Learning to always default to these things when an intrusive thought happens, so much so that my brain does it naturally now ...a) hi ocd that’s cool but I’d rather not think about that and I continue doing what I’m doing, this is hard in the beginning but gets easier b) sure ocd I am definitely crazy but again I think I’d rather keep watching this show c) I am okay with the possibility of that happening but now is not the time for me to figure that out d) you are a liar and separate from me but thanks for the interesting thought ...8. Remembering these things: ocd is a liar, a thought isn’t sumthing u control but what u do with it is, if you don’t want to do something you won’t because of your morals and free will, this concept took me awhile to grasp but repetition is key. Almost everyone get intrusive thoughts so you aren’t unique or alone. I’ve learned through the ups and downs of erp how to combat my intrusive thoughts, how to be kinder to myself and how to change the way I think in order to live a better life. I still get an intrusive thought occasionally when I’m sticky but the way I think about the thought is so automatic now and so relaxed because of the work I’ve put in! If you are working towards erp don’t stop, keep going! I feel you, I know it’s hard and exhausting... 11 months ago I thought I was going crazy I was in the worst place of my life flash to today and it’s like I never even had ocd! You can do this I promise xx

I just wanted to share a bit of my story as hope for those of you still in a dark place. Back in February, I began sinking into a depression. I couldn't pinpoint why, but life didn't seem to be as enjoyable as it used to be. My interests felt, well, less interesting, and everything grew grey. The strange part is, I had everything someone could want in life: a good job, a loving girlfriend, and plenty of friends and family. I was in a far luckier position than so many others, and yet I couldn't find my footing. I decided to get back into meditating. At first it was great, as it gave me some temporary relief from my suffering. However, I quickly became obsessed with the theory and philosophy behind many of the "non-dual" traditions. Before I knew it, I was having intense panic attacks and dissociation surrounding my identity, consciousness, and overall existence. Thinking itself felt unnatural, and it seemed as if I had seen through some great illusion of selfhood that I would never be able to "unsee." Furthermore, I became obsessed with the concept of free will and if we could ever truly have it in a deterministic universe. I compulsively researched and ruminated over these issues, trying to find answers to questions which were ultimately unanswerable. In April, I was formally diagnosed with OCD. I had never heard of the disorder outside of people using it to describe those who clean a lot or keep organized spaces. In some ways it was relieving; in other ways it was terrifying. Was it really OCD? How did this happen? How can I beat it? Will ERP work for me? What if it doesn't? I was terrified I was going insane. Quite frankly, it felt like I was, and this only spiraled me more. I was desperate to fix my issues, and the more desperate I grew the worse I got. It felt like I was drowning in confusion and doubt, unable to get a single moment's reprieve from the suffering. In May, I started I-CBT therapy. It is a somewhat new but proven method for helping OCD, but it didn't end up doing much for me. After two months, I switched to NOCD, where I found my current therapist and began working with the more classic approach of ERP. Because my compulsions were mental in nature, we began by scripting my worst fears. I would write and record these scripts, listening to them on the daily in different scenarios. Sometimes in the shower, sometimes driving to work, sometimes before bed. The most important part was desensitizing myself to the anxiety these scripts brought up. I often times listened to up to 2-3 hours worth of scripts per day. It wasn't quick and it wasn't easy, but slowly over time I noticed the scripts that used to evoke the most fear in me began to lose their strength. As my original fears lowered, new ones popped up, and I had to stay on top of updating my scripts and staying one-step ahead of my OCD, so to speak. I also had to be mindful that I wasn't using my scripting as a new form of compulsion to "fix" myself. This is a very fuzzy and tough line to follow, but important to keep in mind on your own journey. The key is not to cling to any one technique or approach as a silver bullet. Understand that this process and the things that help it are not linear. Now, at the of August, I can confidently say that I stand in a position I thought entirely impossible 6 months ago. There were so many days and weeks over these months that felt downright unbearable, as if I would slip into some inescapable abyss for eternity. To be completely honest, I still fear this possibility--that all of this progress is fake and the rug will be pulled out from under me at any moment. But the difference between now and then is that I can acknowledge this fear without it consuming my every moment. I can feel the sinking it causes in my stomach and continue on with whatever I was doing or need to do, whether that be answering emails, eating lunch, or petting my cats. And I think this is the most impactful skill I have gained during this entire process: the ability to act despite overwhelming fear and doubt. Which leads me to my final and most important point... DO NOT AVOID. Keep living your life. Go to the store, keep in touch with friends, go to school or work, ESPECIALLY if it all feels fruitless and unimportant. It will always feel safer to isolate, but this is just a feeling, not the truth. Until you teach yourself / brain that it is okay to feel afraid, it will always feel safer to stay in "safe" spaces than expose yourself to a broader world. Whatever you are most scared of, move towards, and continue doing so until you gain the confidence that you can do it anytime you want. Remember, it is NOT about getting rid of the fear, but acting DESPITE it. For better or worse, the only way OUT is THROUGH. Oh and the 67% number just comes from those report thingies you fill out every so often. I hope this helps some of you. Stay strong and never give up. One moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.

Real event OCD comes with an insane amount of pain and suffering. For me it felt like the worst pain,guilt and anxiety and not one moment of relief for months on end. Feeling hopeless and like ending your life was the only way out. Feeling like my belief in my “goodness” was no longer true if I had done something wrong as a child. Fear of having done something horrible because your memories are blurry and grey. Fear that people will ruin your life and your future because of it. It turned me into someone no longer wanting to leave my house or put myself anywhere where I would receive attention. A deep fear of being a bad person and being rejected by society and made to be something I am not. Understanding OCD - it’s the doubting disorder so whenever your doing compulsions that you think will make things better, remember that no matter what you do, your brain will still doubt it. - It is like having a monster in your brain that knows what you care about the most, and it will attack that relentlessly, it DOES NOT mean anything about you - If OCD is saying “you need to apologize, if you don’t you’re a fraud and a bad person and you’re not doing enough” and even if you give into the compulsion, it will give you the same doubt again and again, leading to you wanting to apologize over and over. IMPORTANT- If you’re scared of a thought NEVER show you’re brain you’re scared- pretend you don’t care, say “maybe that happened maybe it didn’t” or “I don’t really know” or make fun of the thought. If your OCD knows you’re afraid of something, it’s evil and it will give you more of it. Doing compulsions to get rid of fear shows your brain “oh she’s trying to cope and feel better, that means this is something she’s afraid of” by acting like you don’t care, accepting the anxiety and uncertainty, you’re teaching you’re brain that you’re not afraid of these thoughts, and they WILL reduce. Identify your compulsions- I was doing so many mentally that I didn’t realize. - I kept planning out an “apology” or how I would fix a future catastrophe as a result of my real event - Mentally reviewing past events - Trying to figure out “what exactly happened” I kept writing it out in my notes - Compulsively googling and looking on Reddit for answers regarding my real event (I used to google “real event ocd” and obsess over all the symptoms as a way to feel better. I also googled and read Reddit posts related to my real event) - Reaching out to people from the past and apologizing -DO NOT DO in most cases, you will just regret it after and never feel like it’s enough- if you do it only do it ONCE (I apologized across 6 years and never felt like it was enough) - Confessing - I felt like a fraud or like I was lying if I didn’t keep trying to confess or apologize or if I tried to “let it go” it meant I didn’t care (not true) - Self reassurance (don’t worry about it, you’re not a bad person, look at who you are today and have been for the last 15 years, etc.) - Rumination and giving the thoughts continual attention in my mind. Practice exposure and response prevention - start small but expose yourself to the things you find triggering and avoid - Make sure to let the anxiety in and don’t resist it and don’t try to force it out - Most importantly don’t do any compulsions, just face the fear Ans let the anxiety and guilt in and say “I notice I’m feeling this way” Ans keep practicing, over time it will get easier Practice unconditional acceptance - Real event false memory is especially difficult because there is a real event it’s often tied to that is the source of unbearable guilt and anxiety. - Learn that there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” person and having done something wrong doesn’t make you “bad” . - We are all humans who are growing and learning, and the most important thing to show your brain ( even if you don’t believe it) is that you love and accept yourself no matter what. - Question all or nothing thinking “my life will be over” “everyone would hate me forever” “I’m a horrible person”. None of these things are true no matter what and life changes with time Hormones - As someone with a menstrual cycle I noticed that my symptoms got SIGNIFICANTLY worse and I had only a few days a month I felt better and those dates lined up every month. This told me that my symptoms were definitely hormonally exacerbated. - If you notice this, I would recommend trying to regulate your hormones - Birth control and acupuncture have helped me Summary - ERP therapy- NO COMPULSIONS! - Meditation - Releasing my past and future to the universe, what is meant for me will be - Understanding that the problem isn’t the event, it’s the OCD and learning to trick your brain into knowing you’re not afraid. - Self Care and relaxation - Establishing a routine - EFT Tapping- do not do compulsively to relieve anxiety - supplements like Ashwagandha, and magnesium (I’ve also heard of inositol but would verify) - Consider medication (I didn’t take any but definitely consider it and would consider it in the future) All this being said, I have a much better quality of life at this point in time and have recovered significantly over the last 6 months. I’m able to find joy in my life again and look to the future with less fear. I still have a long way to go and anxiety and these intrusive thoughts do bother me, but the degree to which they do is far less. Im not longer plagues by guilt and anxiety24/7 but I still have bad days where I struggle. I’m still working on my fears around posting on social media or becoming a public figure, or returning to the locations I’m afraid of. Hope this helps!

After 16 years of letting OCD control my life and experiencing how treatment wouldn't help if I still did compulsions before, during, or after exposures I learned my lesson. I went to treatment for 3 years. It helped, but it was not as effective because I didn't fully embrace ERP's principles and didn't fully commit to it. That was my reality until recently. I finally decided to surrender to OCD. I restarted therapy, this time aiming to face this the right way: resisting my urge to fight, resist, neutralize, and any other compulsion to the best of my humanity. I even reduced my workload in preparation for probably needing time off in case OCD got worse. I really expected this to get bad... seriously bad... the biggest fight of my life. To my surprise. I HAVE BEEN KICKING OCD's ass!!!!!!! And I mean I'm kicking it bad!!! ERP (done well) really works!!!!!! I can't believe it. I can finally see a way out of this, and it is through our fears, not around them. So far, my biggest and most important learnings have been: (1) that this is really not about the content of our fear. Regardless of your type of OCD, the best therapists I've learned from always said it, and its true: it's the same disorder (OCD) leading the charge against us. And (2) this is not about proving our brain is lying to us. You may (and most likely will) reach that conclusion anyways. But it's not the goal of ERP. Actually, you learn to live with the possibility of your fears becoming true. Ever since I learned this, I've seen my anxiety levels come and go on their own, without me needing to do anything about it. It leaves on its own, and it comes weaker with as time progresses. I don't have to do anything, just resist compulsions and move on with life. That has been true for every single trigger I've had and every unique and creative "what if" my brain has created to lure me into the rabbit hole. I'm defeating triggers I developed as far back as 15 years ago!!!! And you know what? I'VE ONLY GROWN STRONGER! Never in my existence with OCD have I felt this hopeful, strong, and courageous. Never have I been more proud of myself! And I can only wish every single one of you experiences this too. ERP works! Please, do it! Seek help and if not available, use self-guided available resources. There are plenty of great books! Do it right!! ERP will bring more anxiety, but then you will see the beauty behind facing your fears and just how strong you are!!!! I never thought I could get to this point!