she starts obsessing at bedtime an wakes me up every hour to make sure I'm ok, ask if I still love her or just outright is mad at me for a perceived slight she's obsessing over I don't know what to do
Please be patient with her. I deal with similar obsessions as her but I just hold it in since I’m a dude and don’t feel comfortable showing it to my partner. Point her towards help though. And eventually you need to stop reassuring her and make live in the unknown in those moments where she is doing compulsions
I tried but it's been weeks and I can't get any sleep and she refuses to get help and now if I bring it up she starts demanding I Goto therapy and get a diagnosis for *insert condition here* because "i need to take a long hard look at my own behaviour and how it affects her" she says for the 19th time tonight at 5am 😭
@vallakid Hmm. Does she realize she has ROCD? Or does she just not want to get help?
@Anonymous she knows she has ROCD but outright refuses to get help, when I bring it up she demands that I get help. in fact she is projecting onto me so hard it feels like she's just arguing with herself and I'm not really there at this point
@vallakid Idk how long this has been going on, but at some point I feel like you’ve gotta look out for yourself. A good relationship should be like a two way street ya know.
I understand her side, because the mind of a girlfriend with OCD is untamed and chaotic. But also, I think this is probably draining for you. Maybe try distancing yourself at night. One thing that could help is maybe write her a note, or even a sweet text she could look back on while you're sleeping and she can read it, say ok, and go back to sleep. I think even if you're telling her you're ok and feeding her compulsions, it's likely only making her thoughts stronger and giving them a bit more power. Take care of yourself first, even if it's hard.
I do actually write her notes before bed but now she gets obsessed with the notes. last night she though that anyone on the internet could see it and so it wasn't for her and so I don't love her I don't even know how to react to that I'm pretty lost and confused rn about what to do nothing helps, it just gets worse by the day
@vallakid Do you have OCD aswell? Or just her
@falsememorysucks I don't have OCD but I do have PTSD which is makes it very intense for me
@vallakid I'm sorry. I'm just wondering so I can understand your understanding of OCD. She's probably incredibly stressed by her intrusive thoughts and I think she's formed some compulsions around you. I think she's started to lean on you to help her maybe a little too much, and I geniunely do think space can help! I've been in her spot before, and my boyfriend would tell me I was being too much and eventually asked me to take a step back and once I realized I didn't need to lean on him to "fix me", I could see that those thoughts weren't so scary after all.
@falsememorysucks I have very severe abandonment issues so I don't like space it gives me massive anxiety. that anxiety is doubled because often she will walk away for 5-10 minutes to "clear her head" but then returns telling me she's made up her mind and is often completely off base. an example is when she was convinced I was cheating and I told her of course I'm not so she got frustrated and left and when she came back she calmly said its ok I'm cheating she loves me anyways and still to this day she believes I'm cheating which simply isn't true. our relationship becomes more twisted and tainted by the day and there's nothing I can do about it 😭
@vallakid Have you talked to your girlfriend about that?
@falsememorysucks we have calmly discussed these things but she hasn't taken any steps to change and most of the time if I bring them up she breaks down
There’s lots that can be done to help, your partner must also be feeling a lot of anxiety as well as you. By constantly replying to her ‘OCD’ thoughts and questions you are both reaffirming her OCD over and over again, making it stronger and more persistent. So you need to be the strong one to say “I’m not here to talk with your ocd” when she gets thoughts urges you can just say to her, I know it’s hard but we’re not going to do anything and I’m just going to sit with you whilst we let the thoughts run wild and pretend like we don’t care and they’re not there. After time this should get easier. Just because your not answering OCD’s questions (remember these aren’t genuine questions or feelings from the one you love) you can still fully support your partner xx
thank you so much for this advice I will try. I was trying to do this but she is very very persistent and if I don't respond she just leaves so I hope that I can talk to her about this when she's in a better headspace and we can try it 🙏✨
Everyday always has to be something, I go through multiple different ocd induced spirals daily. Always worrying if I betrayed my partner. First it’s “did I cheat on my girlfriend and just forget?” Then it’s “Do sexual fantasies count as cheating? Did I betray her?” Then it’s “Oh you looked at your exes instagram out of a random impulse or curiosity a few times throughout your 2 year relationship that just mean you betrayed her” And many more throughout the day. I just feel so exhausted and tired. All I really want is to just be a good boyfriend, I just want to live in peace and wake up not always worried about something. I can never seem to really get over the ocd spiral unless I confess my ocd induced anxiety to my girlfriend. It’s obviously not healthy and it hurts her feelings more times than not. My girlfriend also has ocd so she tends to be more understanding but it doesn’t mean she isn’t hurt. I always feel trapped in the loop, if it’s not one thing it’s another. I’m ALWAYS worrying, I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. this has been going on for over a year, with only small breaks between spirals, i’m so unbelievably tired and more than anything, I just want to overcome this obstacle in my life and just be a good person and a good partner. If anyone has any advice, anything helps I feel so hopeless.
For some time i was obsessing over relationship with my girlfriend. For a long time we we're each other's best friends and we only had each other. Recently she made a good friend in work and im obviously really happy for her because she deserves to be loved by more people than me. But i started to feel really jealous. I never thought she can cheat on me i just have really low self esteem and i started to obsess over if she is still in love with me or if she is still attracted to me bc she sometimes would be more interested to spend time with that friend and not me. We talked about it a lot and i tried my best to not be jealous and give her space but i felt how she's distancing from me. At some point she stopped showing me her love in any way. She stopped hugging me and kissing me and she kinda stop telling me she loves me. She only responded "me too" when i told her i love her. I talked about it with her few times and she always said she understands and that she's tired and don't really need physical touch etc. But i was still worrying bc i just knew something is off. She really was acting different. And then few days ago she told me she's actually tired not because of job but me. She feels irritated by me and she don't know why and that she actually thought about breaking up with me and she don't know what to do because she's confused about her own feelings. She said she thinks she still loves me but it's hard for her to see a difference between friendship and love and that she feels tired of concept of dating someone. She said we should wait and see bc she thinks she still loves me but i don't know if that's honest. I don't know what to do anymore im crying all the time every day since that conversation we had. I feel like my worst nightmare just came true and now it's real and not only a though in my head. I can't do anything and i feel like it's the end of the world. We're living together and i don't want to go back to my parents but that's not the worst thing. I just love her so much and i can't hande thought of loosing her. My ocd made me question every single thing about me but somehow i never questioned my love for her so that's why I'm so emotional about it. I don't want to lose her. I don't know what to do i just want to be loved but I don't want anyone else. I don't know what to do im so scared. I want to die every time i look at her with love in my heart and i know she doesn't think about me like that anymore.
One of my ocd symptoms is hyperfixations, and i fixate on my girlfriend’s face- like, itd as if my ocd tries figuring out if something’s wrong This has caused me to avoid looking at her because ocd numbs my feelings from the anxiety- i have difficulty video calling, she doesn’t mind at all cause she doesn’t really video call w me (were in an ldr, she just doesnt really mind it at all) but i still mind. I love her, shes my beautiful princess and it enfuriates me that i cant get in touch with my real feelings cause of this :’( Same thing is happening with like, intrusive feelings aggainst her like random irritability- its so exhausting, im very tired, but im NOT irritated at her. Its disgusting how repulsive i feel to certain actions she does when she asks me for help, like, its as if I’m anxious and overwhelmed cause I have to help her with a lot of stuff, but I am not irritated or mad at her, thats intrusive :’( but it bugs me that its here :’( She knows about my intrusive feelings im just so frustrated
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