she starts obsessing at bedtime an wakes me up every hour to make sure I'm ok, ask if I still love her or just outright is mad at me for a perceived slight she's obsessing over I don't know what to do
Please be patient with her. I deal with similar obsessions as her but I just hold it in since I’m a dude and don’t feel comfortable showing it to my partner. Point her towards help though. And eventually you need to stop reassuring her and make live in the unknown in those moments where she is doing compulsions
I tried but it's been weeks and I can't get any sleep and she refuses to get help and now if I bring it up she starts demanding I Goto therapy and get a diagnosis for *insert condition here* because "i need to take a long hard look at my own behaviour and how it affects her" she says for the 19th time tonight at 5am 😭
@vallakid Hmm. Does she realize she has ROCD? Or does she just not want to get help?
@Anonymous she knows she has ROCD but outright refuses to get help, when I bring it up she demands that I get help. in fact she is projecting onto me so hard it feels like she's just arguing with herself and I'm not really there at this point
@vallakid Idk how long this has been going on, but at some point I feel like you’ve gotta look out for yourself. A good relationship should be like a two way street ya know.
I understand her side, because the mind of a girlfriend with OCD is untamed and chaotic. But also, I think this is probably draining for you. Maybe try distancing yourself at night. One thing that could help is maybe write her a note, or even a sweet text she could look back on while you're sleeping and she can read it, say ok, and go back to sleep. I think even if you're telling her you're ok and feeding her compulsions, it's likely only making her thoughts stronger and giving them a bit more power. Take care of yourself first, even if it's hard.
I do actually write her notes before bed but now she gets obsessed with the notes. last night she though that anyone on the internet could see it and so it wasn't for her and so I don't love her I don't even know how to react to that I'm pretty lost and confused rn about what to do nothing helps, it just gets worse by the day
@vallakid Do you have OCD aswell? Or just her
@falsememorysucks I don't have OCD but I do have PTSD which is makes it very intense for me
@vallakid I'm sorry. I'm just wondering so I can understand your understanding of OCD. She's probably incredibly stressed by her intrusive thoughts and I think she's formed some compulsions around you. I think she's started to lean on you to help her maybe a little too much, and I geniunely do think space can help! I've been in her spot before, and my boyfriend would tell me I was being too much and eventually asked me to take a step back and once I realized I didn't need to lean on him to "fix me", I could see that those thoughts weren't so scary after all.
@falsememorysucks I have very severe abandonment issues so I don't like space it gives me massive anxiety. that anxiety is doubled because often she will walk away for 5-10 minutes to "clear her head" but then returns telling me she's made up her mind and is often completely off base. an example is when she was convinced I was cheating and I told her of course I'm not so she got frustrated and left and when she came back she calmly said its ok I'm cheating she loves me anyways and still to this day she believes I'm cheating which simply isn't true. our relationship becomes more twisted and tainted by the day and there's nothing I can do about it 😭
@vallakid Have you talked to your girlfriend about that?
@falsememorysucks we have calmly discussed these things but she hasn't taken any steps to change and most of the time if I bring them up she breaks down
There’s lots that can be done to help, your partner must also be feeling a lot of anxiety as well as you. By constantly replying to her ‘OCD’ thoughts and questions you are both reaffirming her OCD over and over again, making it stronger and more persistent. So you need to be the strong one to say “I’m not here to talk with your ocd” when she gets thoughts urges you can just say to her, I know it’s hard but we’re not going to do anything and I’m just going to sit with you whilst we let the thoughts run wild and pretend like we don’t care and they’re not there. After time this should get easier. Just because your not answering OCD’s questions (remember these aren’t genuine questions or feelings from the one you love) you can still fully support your partner xx
thank you so much for this advice I will try. I was trying to do this but she is very very persistent and if I don't respond she just leaves so I hope that I can talk to her about this when she's in a better headspace and we can try it 🙏✨
I have this incessant worry that my boyfriend will break up with me, even when I know we're doing great (which 95% of the time, we are). Recently, it has manifested into nightmares that recur almost every night. I'm awake and currently writing this at 5:30am because I woke up from a really vivid one. The nightmares are making my daytime obsessions so much worse. I was wondering if any of you had this problem? I'm sort of at a loss.
Anyone here obsessing about whether or not they'd be able to sleep at night? And that in turn causes you to stay awake?
Hi there everyone, I’m really struggling with obsessive thoughts over my relationship with my girlfriend. Everything was going so well for the first couple months and one day I started doubting - ever since then I’ve been trying to combat thoughts that our relationship is doomed to fail. I used to love my girlfriend, now I keep getting intrusive anxious thoughts about breaking up with her and scrutinising her appearance. I spent a few years struggling before with HOCD but I’m free of that now, now I feel I’m heading into a spiral of obsession over whether on not this relationship is right. I don’t want my girlfriend to suffer and loose faith in me whilst I act all weird around her. How do I stay present to her and cope through it? Thanks
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