she starts obsessing at bedtime an wakes me up every hour to make sure I'm ok, ask if I still love her or just outright is mad at me for a perceived slight she's obsessing over I don't know what to do
Please be patient with her. I deal with similar obsessions as her but I just hold it in since I’m a dude and don’t feel comfortable showing it to my partner. Point her towards help though. And eventually you need to stop reassuring her and make live in the unknown in those moments where she is doing compulsions
I tried but it's been weeks and I can't get any sleep and she refuses to get help and now if I bring it up she starts demanding I Goto therapy and get a diagnosis for *insert condition here* because "i need to take a long hard look at my own behaviour and how it affects her" she says for the 19th time tonight at 5am 😭
@vallakid Hmm. Does she realize she has ROCD? Or does she just not want to get help?
@Anonymous she knows she has ROCD but outright refuses to get help, when I bring it up she demands that I get help. in fact she is projecting onto me so hard it feels like she's just arguing with herself and I'm not really there at this point
@vallakid Idk how long this has been going on, but at some point I feel like you’ve gotta look out for yourself. A good relationship should be like a two way street ya know.
I understand her side, because the mind of a girlfriend with OCD is untamed and chaotic. But also, I think this is probably draining for you. Maybe try distancing yourself at night. One thing that could help is maybe write her a note, or even a sweet text she could look back on while you're sleeping and she can read it, say ok, and go back to sleep. I think even if you're telling her you're ok and feeding her compulsions, it's likely only making her thoughts stronger and giving them a bit more power. Take care of yourself first, even if it's hard.
I do actually write her notes before bed but now she gets obsessed with the notes. last night she though that anyone on the internet could see it and so it wasn't for her and so I don't love her I don't even know how to react to that I'm pretty lost and confused rn about what to do nothing helps, it just gets worse by the day
@vallakid Do you have OCD aswell? Or just her
@falsememorysucks I don't have OCD but I do have PTSD which is makes it very intense for me
@vallakid I'm sorry. I'm just wondering so I can understand your understanding of OCD. She's probably incredibly stressed by her intrusive thoughts and I think she's formed some compulsions around you. I think she's started to lean on you to help her maybe a little too much, and I geniunely do think space can help! I've been in her spot before, and my boyfriend would tell me I was being too much and eventually asked me to take a step back and once I realized I didn't need to lean on him to "fix me", I could see that those thoughts weren't so scary after all.
@falsememorysucks I have very severe abandonment issues so I don't like space it gives me massive anxiety. that anxiety is doubled because often she will walk away for 5-10 minutes to "clear her head" but then returns telling me she's made up her mind and is often completely off base. an example is when she was convinced I was cheating and I told her of course I'm not so she got frustrated and left and when she came back she calmly said its ok I'm cheating she loves me anyways and still to this day she believes I'm cheating which simply isn't true. our relationship becomes more twisted and tainted by the day and there's nothing I can do about it 😭
@vallakid Have you talked to your girlfriend about that?
@falsememorysucks we have calmly discussed these things but she hasn't taken any steps to change and most of the time if I bring them up she breaks down
There’s lots that can be done to help, your partner must also be feeling a lot of anxiety as well as you. By constantly replying to her ‘OCD’ thoughts and questions you are both reaffirming her OCD over and over again, making it stronger and more persistent. So you need to be the strong one to say “I’m not here to talk with your ocd” when she gets thoughts urges you can just say to her, I know it’s hard but we’re not going to do anything and I’m just going to sit with you whilst we let the thoughts run wild and pretend like we don’t care and they’re not there. After time this should get easier. Just because your not answering OCD’s questions (remember these aren’t genuine questions or feelings from the one you love) you can still fully support your partner xx
thank you so much for this advice I will try. I was trying to do this but she is very very persistent and if I don't respond she just leaves so I hope that I can talk to her about this when she's in a better headspace and we can try it 🙏✨
Hi everyone! I’m not sure if anyone has had any issues with sleep and anxiety but these past couple of weeks I’ve been suffering with anxiety when trying to sleep. My mind will latch on to the idea that I won’t sleep and I’ll continuously try to fall asleep and end up psychoanalyzing everything im doing . Usually I end up freaking out and not sleeping and waking up with maybe >2 hrs a sleep a night and have an awful day the next day. I’m lowkey hopeless in this situation, I’ve tried melatonin, sleeping early, limited screen time and nothing will work.. does anyone have any tips and tricks on what to do?
I've just started dating this really great girl. She doesn't know about my ocd which is fine but I've noticed that a lot of my intrusive thoughts and worries about not following routines now revolve around losing her or her believing I'm a bad person. I just don't want this relationship to make me so paranoid. I also know have this where if I see a girl on my Instagram or on the Internet, I'll feel an overwhelming urge to clean myself and the device I viewed it on. This is part of a moral reaction and I also worry I'm not being loyal. I feel I should try and not follow through with these compulsions but as they now revolve around keeping my girlfriend I'm not sure. Any advice?
So i play in a band, and we were having practice, and my girlfriend was there listening to us, then this girl around our age walks in, and my head tells me to cheat on my girlfriend with her. I know i would never do such a thing. And it bothered me for days. And i ended up telling my girlfriend, and tried to explain my ocd. It hurt her and she believes that the instrusive thoughts, are my thoughts so in that, i must feel something behind them. And she feels hurt because i explained to her the obsessive part of ocd and how this thought wouldnt leave my head. And she got upset knowing that i was constantly thinking about cheating on her. I cant help but feel its all my fault. And now that she doesnt understand i feel really guilty for my thoughts and they are coming more often and worse. When i was fine for months, but my ocd always acts up right as i get in relationships, then i usually tell my spouse and tell them i cant feel guilt for my thoughts or they will get worse. And they usually just accepted it and it was easy. But with her it seems she just cant seem to understand, ive tried to explain it to her countless times, she isnt willing to do research with me to help better understand it or anything. Maybe for my first ocd issue telling her that wasnt the best idea.
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