she starts obsessing at bedtime an wakes me up every hour to make sure I'm ok, ask if I still love her or just outright is mad at me for a perceived slight she's obsessing over I don't know what to do
Please be patient with her. I deal with similar obsessions as her but I just hold it in since I’m a dude and don’t feel comfortable showing it to my partner. Point her towards help though. And eventually you need to stop reassuring her and make live in the unknown in those moments where she is doing compulsions
I tried but it's been weeks and I can't get any sleep and she refuses to get help and now if I bring it up she starts demanding I Goto therapy and get a diagnosis for *insert condition here* because "i need to take a long hard look at my own behaviour and how it affects her" she says for the 19th time tonight at 5am 😭
@vallakid Hmm. Does she realize she has ROCD? Or does she just not want to get help?
@Anonymous she knows she has ROCD but outright refuses to get help, when I bring it up she demands that I get help. in fact she is projecting onto me so hard it feels like she's just arguing with herself and I'm not really there at this point
@vallakid Idk how long this has been going on, but at some point I feel like you’ve gotta look out for yourself. A good relationship should be like a two way street ya know.
I understand her side, because the mind of a girlfriend with OCD is untamed and chaotic. But also, I think this is probably draining for you. Maybe try distancing yourself at night. One thing that could help is maybe write her a note, or even a sweet text she could look back on while you're sleeping and she can read it, say ok, and go back to sleep. I think even if you're telling her you're ok and feeding her compulsions, it's likely only making her thoughts stronger and giving them a bit more power. Take care of yourself first, even if it's hard.
I do actually write her notes before bed but now she gets obsessed with the notes. last night she though that anyone on the internet could see it and so it wasn't for her and so I don't love her I don't even know how to react to that I'm pretty lost and confused rn about what to do nothing helps, it just gets worse by the day
@vallakid Do you have OCD aswell? Or just her
@falsememorysucks I don't have OCD but I do have PTSD which is makes it very intense for me
@vallakid I'm sorry. I'm just wondering so I can understand your understanding of OCD. She's probably incredibly stressed by her intrusive thoughts and I think she's formed some compulsions around you. I think she's started to lean on you to help her maybe a little too much, and I geniunely do think space can help! I've been in her spot before, and my boyfriend would tell me I was being too much and eventually asked me to take a step back and once I realized I didn't need to lean on him to "fix me", I could see that those thoughts weren't so scary after all.
@falsememorysucks I have very severe abandonment issues so I don't like space it gives me massive anxiety. that anxiety is doubled because often she will walk away for 5-10 minutes to "clear her head" but then returns telling me she's made up her mind and is often completely off base. an example is when she was convinced I was cheating and I told her of course I'm not so she got frustrated and left and when she came back she calmly said its ok I'm cheating she loves me anyways and still to this day she believes I'm cheating which simply isn't true. our relationship becomes more twisted and tainted by the day and there's nothing I can do about it 😭
@vallakid Have you talked to your girlfriend about that?
@falsememorysucks we have calmly discussed these things but she hasn't taken any steps to change and most of the time if I bring them up she breaks down
There’s lots that can be done to help, your partner must also be feeling a lot of anxiety as well as you. By constantly replying to her ‘OCD’ thoughts and questions you are both reaffirming her OCD over and over again, making it stronger and more persistent. So you need to be the strong one to say “I’m not here to talk with your ocd” when she gets thoughts urges you can just say to her, I know it’s hard but we’re not going to do anything and I’m just going to sit with you whilst we let the thoughts run wild and pretend like we don’t care and they’re not there. After time this should get easier. Just because your not answering OCD’s questions (remember these aren’t genuine questions or feelings from the one you love) you can still fully support your partner xx
thank you so much for this advice I will try. I was trying to do this but she is very very persistent and if I don't respond she just leaves so I hope that I can talk to her about this when she's in a better headspace and we can try it 🙏✨
me and my girlfriend since we started dating we be only had one problem, and that is my fear of everything of losing her of her cheating, and it’s all caused by OCD. my texts are massive and i get worried i know i love her and she makes me calm i know i love her. we had a conversation yesterday and basically she said that she feels suffocated with my texts and my fears. she went on trip were she doesn’t have her phone. and yesterday i spent the entire day crying about her. my head is filled with intrusive thoughts. and last night i got so stressed that it seemed like the love went away or i couldn’t remember the love, but it’s impossible because i was crying about her yesterday. this struggle my relationship is having is making me so stressed. pls give me advice
i was with my lover we didn't have that much time together and at some point she fell asleep because she was overwhelmed. at first, I was okay with it but as time passed I started to feel stressed andd annoyed, because i wanted to spend time together which is no excuse i feel bad about this. also, i hoped we might have been intimate ( i didn't tell her or ask her to be intimate tho) and the fact that she was sleeping meant that we couldn't cus we wouldn't have had enough time so idk i felt annoyed about that. i have this thing that i deeply hate where every time we have alone time together i get the hopes that we might be intimidate but when j realise we probably can't i start having this obsession where i have to reassure myself to the point of nausea because the idea of being disappointed ( or actually feeling disappointed) about not having sex terrifies me ,it makes me feel like im dangerous or that i want to force myself on her so i just start repeating to myself that it's fine. so like this obsession started happening, but im afraid that for a moment ( idk how brief it was, im deeply ashamed of this ) i felt justified about being annoyed about not having sex because she was sleeping and it's not fair cus she was struggling and overwhelmed and i should have cared about that not about fickle things. but still I was annoyed and stressed out ( because I also started feeling really guilty ) and when she told me she was sorry about her mood i don't think i reassured her properly, i told her it was okay but i wasn't that sweet, I was a bit quiet idk if i actually seemed annoyed. after a little while i tried to stop feeling this weird wnd i tried to focus on her and how she felt, so I cuddled her and tried to make her feel better. I reassured her that she had nothing to be sorry for, that it's okay if she had a bad day. in the end she did feel better, she thanked me a thousand times for being patient and kind but that made me feel even worse because internally i felt annoyed which is horrible. i feel terrible also, i tried to wake her up a few times. it's not unusual because she usually tells me to let her nap 10 minutes. so at first i let her nap for like 30 mins cus she had very little sleep that day, i wanted her to rest. and then j started to try and wake her up, when she wouldn't wake up i would let her nap a little while longer ( at least 10 mins ) but i feel bad because i probably was a little pushy because i felt annoyed about not having that much time together and so not having time to be intimate. idk. i feel horrible. i shouldn't be that annoying and annoyed about not having sex, It feels so scary that i insisted on waking her up, i hate being pushy. idk
Everyday always has to be something, I go through multiple different ocd induced spirals daily. Always worrying if I betrayed my partner. First it’s “did I cheat on my girlfriend and just forget?” Then it’s “Do sexual fantasies count as cheating? Did I betray her?” Then it’s “Oh you looked at your exes instagram out of a random impulse or curiosity a few times throughout your 2 year relationship that just mean you betrayed her” And many more throughout the day. I just feel so exhausted and tired. All I really want is to just be a good boyfriend, I just want to live in peace and wake up not always worried about something. I can never seem to really get over the ocd spiral unless I confess my ocd induced anxiety to my girlfriend. It’s obviously not healthy and it hurts her feelings more times than not. My girlfriend also has ocd so she tends to be more understanding but it doesn’t mean she isn’t hurt. I always feel trapped in the loop, if it’s not one thing it’s another. I’m ALWAYS worrying, I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. this has been going on for over a year, with only small breaks between spirals, i’m so unbelievably tired and more than anything, I just want to overcome this obstacle in my life and just be a good person and a good partner. If anyone has any advice, anything helps I feel so hopeless.
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