I’m o.o Okay. So if y’all have followed my posts, you might know I have this weird form of harm ocd consisting of slurs of any kind. So, I was asleep right. And reminder: I’m on prozac and from what I’ve seen vivid dreams are a side effect I think. So, I’m asleep. But then I remember thinking those thoughts almost intentionally but when I tried to stop them they came out at rapid fire. I woke up from that sleep cycle and figured that that was probably because my intrusive thoughts repeating while I’m sleeping was common for me. Except, this happened again right before waking up. And I was frightened, not by the slur itself, but by this fear that I intentionally thought that. After some rumination I’m almost sure that this was both dreams but I seriously don’t know, and if it turns out it was actually Me thinking that I’m gonna feel fucking terrible. Tl;dr idk if I intentionally thought an intrusive thought and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

When I woke up today I got intense feelings of arousal and urges to masturbate and thoughts of this 12 year old kid I’ve seen irl started popping up, idk why it all happened, I can’t tell if I liked it or not. Or if I wanted it or not.

I woke up disassociating really bad ,I was super tired and if you read my prev post I've been having problems w depersonalization after a bad thc trip the other night. Im so so so scared I just said a slur or whispered it to myself because I cant properly remember things rn. I remember getting the thought and im scared i whispered it to myself and I cant tell if it happened or not bc waking up things feel rly blurry . It feels really real. I would never want to say such a word and im scared i did bc I was so out of it. I dont remember if i just had the thought or acted on it

Hi everyone, This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. I’ve struggled with POCD for a while — intrusive thoughts that go against everything I believe in. I’ve never acted on them before. I’ve always been terrified of them and done everything to avoid them. But something happened the other night that I can’t stop replaying, and it’s tearing me apart. I was in that in-between state — not fully asleep, not fully awake. I was dreaming that something was “okay,” and in that moment, I moved my child’s hand toward me in a way I now feel completely ashamed of. I wasn’t aware of fully choosing it, but I remember it. I remember that it felt like I was following the dream, like my brain said it was okay. And the part I can’t stop obsessing over — that’s destroying me — is that in the dream, my child said, “no.” That moment makes me feel like the worst human being on the planet. I don’t know if he said it out loud or if it was part of the dream. But it felt real, and now I feel broken. I love my child more than anything. The fact that this happened — even in a foggy, dreamlike state — makes me feel like I crossed an unforgivable line. I’m not here to excuse it. I’m not here to get reassurance that it didn’t happen. I’m just trying to find someone — anyone — who has experienced something like this. Acting or moving in a way during sleep or semi-consciousness that your waking self would never do. I don’t know how to live with this guilt. I feel sick, ashamed, and like I’ve ruined everything. Please be kind. I’ve never felt more alone in my life, and I don’t know how to move forward from this.