I don't know I stopped feeling numb now to the thoughts and I feel like I'm starting to enjoy them , I don't know who I truly am anymore

Me too, it feels like I want to do these things. I think about hocd everyday. I think the hardest part is that this is about out sexuality. It’s something we can “know” or “figure out” so we have our minds set on that.

Here is what WORKED for me: -Think of ur mind as a second person, as person who always with u, its not u but another person. -This way u know that ur mind is seperate from u. -Now just observe all the thoughts & emotions thrown at u by ur mind(the second person). -Do not fight or react, only observe, acknowledge and let the thoughts stay. -Now you can see that this person(ur mind) is mostly talking rubbish. - Then u can process the useful thoughts & ignore the useless thoughts.

Can I ask if you are currently seeking professional help?

Also, check out https://iocdf.org/ it is a wonderful organization on OCD plus there is a section where you can find a specialized therapist.

Haha no , My parents don't really believe in mental illness all that much. They think I'm fine , that I'm just being "paranoid" or "anxious"

Really? That is not good? Mental illness is a real thing. We all here are experiencing it and so are many people out there. Here is a youtube video of Howie Mandel's battle with OCD https://youtu.be/dSZNnz9SM4g This is a real condition. Here is another video, https://youtu.be/VqujhmxwsFQ with general info on OCD. Check out more of the creator's channel, as there is a bunch of great info on OCD and overcoming it. Just type OCD into YouTube and a ton of videos will pop up, including many profound TedTalks videos.