One of my biggest fears is, having feelings for someone else other than my partner. I don't want to have crushes, i don't want to get attracted, i don't want to love anyone other than my partner. I hate having feelings for anyone else and i hate the idea of this happening. I can't distinguish false attraction and feelings from the real one because my trigger feeling is same as the excitement feeling. I don't care if having crushes, getting attracted is normal. I don't care and i don't want it. I don't even want to normalize it. No matter what i feel, i will choose to love my partner and my partner only. But having these thoughts and feelings are enough to make me feel like i cheated on my partner. I want to stay faithful to my partner. With my actions, but also with my feelings and thoughts. My partner is my everything. And i don't want to hurt him in anyway. I don't want to hurt him in my mind, with my thoughts. Everyone triggers me, especially some specific people. They are my biggest triggers. Making eye contact with them, even being in the same environment with them kills me. It makes me feel like i actually love these people and i have a crush on them, and i stopped loving my partner. I don't want to love anyone other than my partner. I don't want to have crushes. I feel so horrible and disloyal. I don't want these thoughts and feelings. I also feel like i always try to impress people. I feel like I'm the same disgusting person I used to be and I haven't changed at all. I feel like an attention-seeking, disgusting person who talks to everyone, constantly tries to attract attention and impress, and is unfaithful and disgusting. I feel like a wh*re who wants people to chase her. I feel truly disgusting. And i feel like i normalize this. I feel like i actually have a crush or love that person who triggers me and i try to impress them. I feel so horrible and i have so realistic feelings for them. I hope these feelings are all fake. I don't want to develop any single feeling for someone other than my partner. I feel like i actually want them, prefer them. My mind creates scenarios about him and repeats the images about him. Im having a panic attack. And i truly feel like i want to cheat on my partner and this never felt that real before. I feel like a unfaithful whore who keeps secrets from hee partner, wants to cheat, love and lust chaser. Etc. I feel like i don't care about my partner and i don't love him anymore. I feel like i actually love that other person and not my partner, i have SO MANY UNFAİTHFUL and disloyal thoughts and FEELINGS. Im just hoping, and begging to god, i hope these are fake. I feel so disgusting. I feel like i don't even feel guilty, i actually love that person. Idk if im being clear enough, i feel like i can't explain my feelings properly. I need some help, advice or support. What id i love that person? What if i have a crush on them? What if i don't love my partner anymore? What if im not loyal? I choose to stay faithful and not act on these thoughts and feelings. But having these thoughts and feelings are enough to make me a horrible, disloyal person. I feel like i nornalize, enjoy being a disgusting person.