I don’t like who I am, I don’t like being a nervous obsessive wreck all the time. Breakups happen and this has destroyed me, this isn’t normal, this level of I can’t move on isn’t normal. Not only that but I feel vile in myself, who I am I hate it. I don’t wanna feel like this
I understand. Tho I haven’t experienced any breakups but still on a certain level, I get you. Same here, I just wanna get rid of this and i just want my old self back. it’s going to be okay tho. Hang in there. You aren’t alone in this.
@Anonymous813 I want my old self back, but I won’t lie I’ve always dealt with this anxiety and ocd so I’m starting to think I don’t want my old self I want a new self. I want someone who’s new because this who I am, I don’t like her
@stuckonathought - This how OCD will make you feel like. Like you don’t have to go back to your old self even tho you want to.
I like you. You were kind to me when I told you about my breakup. You are stuck in a spiral. That’s all. You’re not a terrible person. You’re just struggling.
Thinking about you. Hope you’re doing okay.
@JediMJ Thank you, I’m okay. We met up and had a chat and got everything off our chests. I feel better but still anxious and feeling a little I guess guilty about some things. We both understood one another and both wanted the best for one another but it still sucks having to say goodbye. We talked about his new friends (female and has a bf) and I told him that it obviously sucks I’m no longer the girl he’s gonna go to but he also made it very apparent she isn’t either and that she’s just a mate, I haven’t been replaced like that. Idk it was all just a lot and it’s helped me move on a fair bit. But now I’m left with the heartbreak and idk how to move on now, how to fix these feelings and just feel better. I’m starting to overthink if I said the right things if I made it clear I wanted the best for him. I let him just speak and he said some things that I made sure to say “and I’m so glad you’re doing that it’ll be so good for you” jyst now my ocd is going “nah he thinks you’re such a twat you weren’t there for him at all”
I’m dealing with a break up too and I feel the same
I’m struggling so much, I don’t know what’s changed. I was doing so well for a solid two months and now it’s been over a month of just my lowest point. My bf has gotten upset at how much I do compulsions and it’s taxing him too. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be my partner right now. I feel exhausted I’m tired of my OCD finding new things to obsess or worry over. I’m so TIRED of getting stuck on technicalities. I’m so exhausted with the constant intrusive thoughts and intrusive thinking. I’m so sick of how compulsive I get when I’m so riddled with anxiety. I don’t want to keep pushing. It feels pointless if my life is going to be a constant loop of ups and extreme lows. I feel like such a disgusting, embarrassing person. I don’t want love because I don’t feel like I deserve it. I don’t want patience or understanding because it makes me feel so guilty. Like no one is understanding how bad of person I could truly be. I’m so lost and tired of this
I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.
I apologize I post here a lot lol. I have a few questions/I want to vent about this. My therapist and I have identified one of the triggers I’ve been trying to work on, which is my fear of never being good enough; for myself, my family, my friends, for my romantic relationships, and just in general. Honestly, I hate myself so much. Not for any reason in particular, but I overanalyze everything I do and let it consume me. I know this is normal for most people, and everyone goes through bouts of self depreciation and lack of self love. I’m trying to give my love to myself that I’ve always given to other people and it’s so difficult. It’s really funny, I need male validation even though I feel like I can never trust a man ever again. I was broken up with at the beginning of April, and so you can imagine how my self worth really has been feeling. I’m aware my self worth isn’t based on other people’s perception of me, but I just want to be loved consistently through my ocd and adhd. It feels like it’s too much for people, while I simultaneously feel like I’m making this a massive deal. I don’t want to get into another relationship ever again, I just think I’m too weird for most men or they’ll take advantage of me for something again. I think if a man is nice to me, it means there’s an ulterior motive or a catch. There’s genuinely no way someone even cares as much about me as I do them, it’s always one sided. I love my friends, I’m taking about relationships wise. Not to mention, I hate the way I look and act. When I think I’m somewhat decent looking, there’s always a post to pop up with this stunningly beautiful girl. I can never catch up with modern beauty standards. I hate this so so so much. I hate feeling this way, how do I make this all stop?
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