Abuse and OCD

Hello, bit of an odd one, but I got out of an abusive relationship about 18 months ago and I am really worried that I was the problem/ people think I’m the abuser. Im trying to separate my thoughts into ‘facts’ and ‘feelings/fiction’. I know that i was abused. For a long time i couldnt call it that, but then I went to therapy and sought help from external sources, including the university I was attending. It was emotional abuse, which makes it even harder to understand (even after therapy). I’ll spare the details. But … “what if youre the abuser?” “What if you were trying to manipulate them?” “What if when your career takes off, they say things about you and ruin it?” “What if that housemate backs them up because you never got along?” “What if you really were the abuser?” These thoughts plague me. I have friends who know everything, who saw the abuse and what it did to me, who could reassure me in an instant, but I am trying not to rely on reassurance. I am trying to find acceptance. Is is so hard. (I don’t even know what to tag this under.)

Username: AhsjdiviwajdjdjjcAhsjdiviwajd...

Date posted: 35w ago

This is a form of gaslighting yourself which is what happens when you’re emotionally or physically abused. I was also in an emotionally abusive relationship at one point and I even went as far as believing I was the narcissist when clearly my therapist had already explained that he was the narcissist and I was the codependent one. I think the best way I coped was that if I was really the abuser or narcissist I wldnt have been so obsessively worried about being that because those people typically don’t feel remorse

Username: Mya11Mya11

Date posted: 35w ago

@Ahsjdiviwajdjdjjc Thank you for this! This is really good advice and insight. And i never thought of it as gaslighting myself, but that is a good way of explaining it. That makes sense. Thank you :)

Username: BobbyIX32BobbyIX32

Date posted: 35w ago

hey, it's really brave of you to share what you're going through. dealing with the aftermath of an abusive relationship is incredibly tough, and it's totally normal to have those kinds of intrusive thoughts, especially when you're working through something as complex as emotional abuse. 💔 it sounds like you're making a lot of effort to heal and understand your experiences, which is really admirable. since i'm navigating a different ocd theme, i might not have the exact answers you're looking for, but i can share some resources that have been a game-changer for me. a local ocd support group put me onto "unstuck ocd therapy tools," an app that offers ai-personalized guidance and exercises for those moments you really need it. it's been a solid support for me, maybe it can offer you some relief too. also, the ocd stories podcast has been super insightful for understanding different aspects of ocd and hearing how others cope – could be worth a listen. hang in there, you're not alone in this. 🌟

Username: PhillipFillip1PhillipFillip1

Date posted: 35w ago

Great suggestions!! I have also been using the unstuck app over the last few months and I have to say its been really helpful. The developers are very supportive and make new updates every week.

Username: Mya11Mya11

Date posted: 35w ago

@BobbyIX32 Thank you so much ❤️ i will check out these suggestions

Username: BobbyIX32BobbyIX32

Date posted: 35w ago

@Mya11 - i hope the resources are going to be beneficial for you!

Username: DakotaRose

Date posted: 6y ago

does anyone else get obsessive thoughts about their ex while they’re with their current partner? i was in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost 4 years (also my first relationship EVER) and i definitely have PTSD from a lot of it. he broke up with me and i’m so glad that he did, because i don’t know how much longer i would have continued to be in that relationship. the thing is, even though he’s done a lot of fucked up things to me, i don’t have hate for him in my heart. i have these thoughts like “oh if you don’t hate him you must still be in love with him” and they make me panic. i’ve been dating my current boyfriend for almost 2 years. i love him so much, he’s so supportive of me and great. i get these awful thoughts that my ex was “the one” for me, i will never feel the way i did about my ex with my current boyfriend, constantly comparing them, etc. i’ve been to therapy for years now, and have come to the realization that i am self-sabotaging. i’m lost, depressed, and scared. any advice would be appreciated ❤️

Username: c444tmommy

Date posted: 4y ago

tw // abuse i don’t exactly know if this is related to ocd, it might be but anyway if you’re a victim of emotional abuse, do u ever find ur self making up excuses like “it’s not even that bad, it was a long time ago it doesn’t matter, people have it worse than i do, am i even being emotionally abused”? im dealing with narcissist abuse from my mother and i have been for most of my life and my mind keeps telling me that i’m making all of it up and it’s not as bad as it seems. it even feels wrong calling it abuse. i told my therapist this and she reassured me that this IS abuse and that self doubt and confusion is common but idk why i cant allow my self to accept it. i plan on moving out bc of this reason, but again my mind will tell me “u don’t have a strong enough reason to move out, ur being so dramatic” ugh this is the worst feeling

Username: Isabella G.

Date posted: 1y ago

My OCD story and my plea for help….

So, this long story will have to be cut down a bit but here’s my story and my plea for some guidance… My childhood was not that great. Although I am grateful to have had a better childhood than others who are way less fortunate. My dad was an alcoholic and suicidal, my mom was toxic and vengeful. This lasted up until I would say my 10th birthday. I was also molested by a family member that to this day no one believes that it happened and would rather me keep this info to myself. I searched for attention from the wrong people. Being bullied, I decided it’s best to be the bullier. So, I started getting in trouble at school, home, with the cops. Everything. Me and my mom started to develop a resentful relationship. I met people online who were older than my age at the time, who had zero business talking to me. They manipulated me and made me feel horrible. I got caught and went ten months without a phone. This time was peaceful. I then went into my sophomore year of high school and entered a relationship I was not comfortable in. At this point, I was healing from previous trauma and was not looking for a relationship to be in. But, I did it anyway because I was afraid to be alone. This relationship was the worst relationship….and I mean the WORST relationship I was in. It was narcissistic and abusive. It broke off abruptly with no closure, no explanation, and leaving me empty and suicidal. I dated during this time and made it clear that I was not ready for a relationship yet. I decided to take a break from dating because although I do not have feelings for my ex, I was now experiencing anxiety and PTSD from what happened. I fell into a deep depression that I did not know when I will be getting out of. I met my boyfriend while continuing to heal about a month after. It was an instant connection and of course I questioned it but I didn’t think much of it. I caught feelings for him pretty quickly which is something that is rare for me. We had insanely similar personalities. It has been the best relationship I have been in. I could even go as far as to say this will be my future husband. We are also long distance and will be closing that distance soon. Something inside me though… keeps bringing up my ex. Small thoughts, small feelings, and knowing I don’t love him. Now, I sit here. I am questioning my love for my partner, asking myself what is so special about my ex that he occupies my mind but weirdly not my heart… It hurts. I just want these thoughts to stop. I have become suicidal before, I am scared to become this again. Why do I feel like I love him when I never loved him while we were together? I know my brain is tricking me, because I know I love my partner. But I am scared I still care for someone who abused me. I am scared I now love two people at the same time. I am scared that the one that I am with isn’t the one for me and this happiness means I am faking it. Is it all an illusion? Why can’t he just go away?

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