Please help.

Ok.. so another one of my fears is the fear of being schizophrenic or psychotic. I’m 9 weeks post partum and I read about psychosis and it freaked me out!! I’m 29 years old and I know schizophrenia happens in your teens or early 20s. My therapist told me that as long as I don’t have a voice telling me to act on my intrusive images or thoughts that it’s not psychotic. Once she said that later that day the words “do it” kept repeating in my mind. I have 0 desire to harm anyone and I’ve never been a violent person. If anyone has experienced something similar please share! I feel like my mind loves to switch things up and play tricks on me.

Hi y’all! I’ve had OCD since 7 or 8 years old, but wasn’t fully diagnosed until I was in my twenties after having a major panic attack. This triggered my derealization and had intrusive thoughts that nothing was real, that everything was a projection of my imagination. My OCD was pretty quiet until now, 15 mos after having my precious babygirl (i figured it latches on to the things/people we cherish the most). My OCD is making me think that she isn’t real and it is making it hard for me to enjoy moments with my baby. It’s been a struggle and I’m hoping to find some light. 🥺

I’m almost 3 months post partum. My baby was in the nicu for about 3 1/2 weeks after birth so we had a rough start. A couple nights after I brought her home I woke up for one of her middle of the night feeds. I made her bottle as usual and started feeding her. I was just looking at her and was all of a sudden bombarded by all of these terrifying thoughts like “what if I stab her.” I was so panicked and nauseated to the point of throwing up. I just knew those intrusive thoughts were the beginning of post partum psychosis and I was going to do something terrible to myself or my baby while in the psychosis. I couldn’t go back to sleep and just cried and cried the next day. I saw my obgyn and was prescribed 25mg of Zoloft and 5mg of buspar. Each day that passed after that I started to feel a letter better. Then I got my first post partum period. After my period I started having panick attacks and terrible chest pains. I thought I was having a heart attack so I saw a doctor who ran some tests. Everything came back completely normal and was told I’m just having severe anxiety and am under a lot of stress. So I saw my obgyn again and she upped my Zoloft to 50mg and my buspar to 15mg. The first few days were terrible. I thought I was having a bad reaction to the medication my anxiety was through the roof and I felt absolutely hopeless. My harm ocd was so bad. I thought I was going to take my own life. Not because I wanted to but because I just felt so hopeless. I moved back in with my parents so that there was eyes on me at all times. I was still scared I was going to go into a psychosis and hurt my baby. I felt better after a few days and the medication had started working again. I felt completely normal up until my 2nd post partum period. I’m ten days off of my period and now I’m back at square one. My harm ocd has spiraled. I’m having terrible intrusive thoughts about hurting my baby. I know now I’m not going to go into a psychosis because if I was going to I would have already. When I’m having these thoughts and they don’t make me nauseous I start to obsess over whether or not I’m a dangerous person or capable of being violent. Now I’m stuck on that. The fact that I’m not dwelling on the intrusive thoughts the way I used to has made me question if post partum has turned me into a psychopath or sociopath. I question all of my emotions and wonder if I’m actually feeling the way I think I do or wondering if they’re generic emotions. I’m ferried. Please help.