- Date posted
- 1y
God, now it's zoned in on individuals.
My head is a crazy mess. My SO-OCD is now focused on a particular person, and so every time they come into the room a get anxious, I get uncomfortable, it makes me panic in my head and a my head thinks is "you like etc" and creates a false narrative and false response/attraction that feels so f***ing real. The worst thing is, I didn't always get anxious, but I'm still not interested, but my mind starts playing scenarios in my head as if they were, and it's thoughts. Plus, subconscious worry of them popping into my head and they've are, all the time and it creates more false responses which makes me anxious, which then makes my mind go "omg you do" which makes it worse. All because she comes across as been interested which, with my so-ocd (and pocd) flare up), just makes me panic and my mind starts thinking all sorts. I think I now do this over any girl who I think is gay. I'm seeing a guy a like, I'm anxious because of self esteem issues, I'm awkward, I don't want to embarrass myself and look stupid, say the wrong thing etc, at the same time scrutinising him, then panicking because I'm analysing and, today, while we're making out a bit, never allowing myself to get into it because I'm afraid of messing up etc and I'm socially awkward and I'm hyperfocused on what's happening and, guess who pops into my head mid intimacy and makes me panic and then then get immediate things. The SO-OCD has blocked everything in general with him and guys. I hate this so much because it feels so convincing and yet I know it isn't because I'm not interested but all the time my head is like "oh god, you/I do etc." Which makes it more intense. I mean I had this in a classroom full of kids last week but it was more generalised. But my POCD has also been focused on a couple of individuals (with responses) and it made me feel I was attracted. Does this make any sense to anyone?