- Date posted
- 1y
Vent, because I’m crying
So I have episodes at night where I can’t sleep. Like it’ll feel like hours have passed and that I slept fully through the might. When in reality maybe an hour has passed. And most of these nights I have bad dreams. My bad dreams are bad lucid dreams… They’re not uncontrollable…because I have a conscious and am aware. But they’re bad because of the situations I’m in. It’s like living in an alternate world Anyways, In my dream I was up north. It was a school night. Actually Sunday, like it was when I went to bed. In my dream all these animals were walking to this side on the street near the woods and dying. In my dream I concluded they had a disease that made them all travel there. But then my dog started to walk over there. Across the street at night. I was sobbing because this dog means more than anything ever could to me. I would do anything for this dog. I mean it. And she was what I concluded as “infected” I had to go to her because it was a school night. And I walked into this house that was the place I was staying. It was a friend of my mom’s boyfriends. But when I walked inside my room in the hours was destroyed like people were trashing it and rearranging it. Which is horrible….. like I irl, panic over people Rearranging small things of mine…. But this was crazy. My stuff was ruined and everywhere. And there were like ten people in there just chilling after doing this. When this happens irl I do compulsions, and I did. I found a sink. I washed my hands a lot. But then I had to eat dinner and as I was eating my sandwich I remembered how all those animals were dying of a brainwashing diessease. So I started panicking and sobbing that I was now infected and was going to die. Like eating my sandwich was going to cause me death. I started counting yo my safe numbers like I usually do. But it wouldn’t help. So I ran to the bathroom in my dream and started to vomit up everything I could and LITERALLY wash the inside of my mouth. I woke up thinking I was about to get ready for school, but maybe an hour had passed…. I can’t fall asleep again, It’s 00:48 I went to bed at 11:30-something Or tried It took me so long of feeling out of place. I can’t do this anymore. The worst part was - actually two. My compulsions weren’t working in my dream which was very upsetting because I needed something to calm me down…. And two, WHY DID MY DOG GET INFECTED- The nerve wracking thing is, my dog is up north with my grandma right now. My brain keeps telling me to text my grandma and ask how my dog is…. But what if I text her and that CAUSES something bad to happen….. I don’t know what to do- I need sleep- I wake up at four.. (4:00 am) I can’t- Sleep- I don’t want to dream again, being tapped in my own head. Sorry for any typos, or if this makes no sense. I’m half asleep. Very tired. Scared and just got done crying.