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Im so sorry your going though this, I wish you the best of luck in life. I believe were in the same boat, I use to cry and scream over these thoughts but now I just feel watered down and numb to them like somewhere deep down I actually want those things, and that no matter how hard I try to tell myself that im not like those people on 4chan there will always be some feeling inside of me saying I enjoy these things. Im not sure if I explained myself right but you explained almost exactly what im going through, you're not alone and one day im sure we'll both make it out of the grasp of hell

I think you are caught in a really common loop that people have with this subtype. Your rumination over this is a very common compulsion which just strengthens the uncertainty

humans naturally have sexual thoughts all the time, it could definitely be your upbringing that influences certain thoughts over others. Men naturally have lots of sexual thoughts because biologically we are meant to reproduce to keep our species alive. But at the end of the day YOU get to choose which thoughts you give power and which ones you disregard