- Date posted
- 1y
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Is pushing away intrusive thoughts a compulsion?
Is pushing away intrusive thoughts a compulsion?
It definitely is! I’m no expert but I think it falls under pure OCD. That’s the main way my OCD manifests. For me, it looks like this; I get a terrible intrusive thought, start to feel anxious and like me thinking about it will make it a reality, to make sure it doesn’t become a reality I “explode” the thought in my head. I quite literally imagine the thought balling up into sort of a star-form of energy or whatever, and then the star explodes. I do it a lot and it’s one of the more mentally distressing forms for me because sometimes if I don’t do it right I have to do it over again just to be sure. Now I’m learning that agitates the thought even more, pushing them away isn’t the solution, living with them is.
i wonder this too and i think it is. It's scary tho cuz they're intrusive for a reason and i dont want to think of themmmmm lol
Okay, so this is really meta and I vibe with that. To be serious though, I believe it can be. Like sometimes when I’m really trying to shake a compulsion or stop myself from thinking about or doing something that’s related to a compulsion or intrusive thoughts, I find myself obsessively rejecting the thought or action. Like I might have to do something with my body or with my mind to “properly” push the thoughts away so that they will be “gone.” Sometimes I almost imagine myself physically escaping the thoughts. I don’t know how to explain what that looks like in my head, but yeah. So basically to answer your question, I think yes, very much so.
Two things are happening: I get thoughts that just keep looping. They almost feel like song stuck in my head. Also, I’ll imagine something and I feel my stomach drop. Then as the seconds go by I keep getting fragments of the this thought but with different details. For example, it’s kinda like how a “vision” is portrayed. I’ll get a glimpse of the thought and then it’ll rapidly expand into something worse every few seconds. I don’t know if I’m causing this or if it’s just an automatic thing like any other intrusive thought. It feels unavoidable, idk if this is a compulsion or if it’s just another manifestation of an intrusive thought. Apart from that remembering an intrusive thought triggers the full thought again and then it just keeps looping or expanding. I don’t know how to stop any of this. Help?
OK, this might sound really dumb, but when you guys get intrusive thoughts, do they just come once and then go away? I’ve heard that repeatedly thinking about an intrusive thought is considered ‘checking,’ but it doesn’t feel like I have any control over how many times it comes up in my head. It’s not like I’m trying to check anything—it just keeps showing up, almost like it’s terrorizing me every time. I can’t seem to stop it from looping, stop remembering it, or prevent it from coming up. Every time it does, I feel horrified, and I already know it’s going to horrify me. I don’t think I’m actively trying to see if my feelings have changed, so is this still considered checking? How do other people get an intrusive thought and just move on? Doesn’t it pop up a million times for them too? I always thought that was normal, but now I’m hearing this could be a compulsion, and I feel really confused, scared, and lost. Is this why my OCD feels so extreme? Because I really don’t feel like I can control how many times the thought pops up.
When I was a child, before I knew this was OCD, I struggled with constant "magical thinking" compulsions (don't step on the crack or mom's back will actually break, etc). When I later learned this was OCD, it almost immediately solved it. Any time I got a magical thought, I would say to myself "that's just an OCD thought. ignore it." and it just stopped coming! Like seriously it fixed the magical thinking stuff forever. But of course the OCD has resurfaced in other ways. So naturally, I've tried to use the same strategy since I had so much success with it previously. But I wonder sometimes if telling myself "that's just OCD" is almost functioning as a reassurance compulsion? I hate how meta this gets. For example, I have ROCD that comes and goes. So sometimes I'll get a thought like "what if i'm still in love with my ex?" and then I'll tell myself "that's obviously just an ROCD thought" and will feel relief, almost like reassurance. But it comes back. So is telling myself that it's OCD a reassurance compulsion ?? It's just so weird because it worked so perfectly as a kid with the magical thinking thing.
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