Hey, so this is more of a venting and like talking post.
I know weed is different for everyone, but for me personally, it has really changed my life for the better. In the fall semester of school I was at my lowest, I was very stressed, had breakdowns every week, and was going to doctor appointments after doctor appointments bc my stress/anxiety caused me to have heart problems and other problems during that time. I stopped taking care off myself, never had friends or a social life, and my adhd and trauma caused a lot of triggers for me. That was really the time I stopped smoking to focus on school. This semester, I'm doing better than I ever have, I finally got diagnosed with adhd and OCD, and I started smoking more heavily, about maybe 2-3 times a day.
Since I've been smoking more, I've seen a huge improvement. My grades are better than last semester, I'm happier, I've been able to think about stuff without worrying or being emotional about it, Im able to let things not go to my head, and its limited both my obsessions and compulsions. Weed along with meds (I got genetic testing to make sure my meds wouldn't interfere) I've seen a huge improvement in myself. Ive been learning new things about myself now that I'm not in my head, I joined my college's step team which I would've never been able to do with my social anxiety, I'm more productive, I've been slowly healing my c-ptsd bc its been helping me take a second to chill out and reflect and think. I've made so many new friends and finally have a social life by letting go and not worrying with the use of weed. Its really healed me, especially since when I'm sober, bc of trauma I'm always in "survivor mode" and i will constantly find something to stress and worry about. i've only had one bad stress flair up this semester, and only went to the urgent care once compared to last semester with something not too serious. its made me more kind to others and to me, made less angry and had made me a genuinely happier person and allows me to see life in a so much more deep and meaningful way. I don't get memory fog from it, and can still remember things i did while high, mainly because I started using it in senior year of high school and don't get much negative effects from it.
Thing is, my boyfriend doesn't get it and thinks I smoke to much. I've tried to explain how much of a better person ( and definitely a better partner since I've been using it to help me think rationally with arguments and stuff) but he still doesn't get it. His sister is kinda an alcoholic and his other sister smokes weed heavily and has more of a addiction type relationship with weed,doesn't have a job and has a problem, so I think its bc he's only seen how substances hurt and not help, but its still incredibly frustrating. I made it clear I'm not stopping anytime soon and sometimes he'll still make comments about it. I feel like I've only changed a good way from gardening more regularly, and I only do it when I know I have nothing to do, have stuff that I can put off for a few hours, and when I know I'm not driving that day or not driving for more than 2 hours. My therapist says that if it works it works and she thinks I should officially get a medical card, but I'm worried that my bf might say stuff about it now more often now that I have my card and can buy it now without needing to really hide it.
He got mad at me today bc he found out i smoke during school, which I only do during my hour gap in between my classes and don't do it in the morning often, during my STEM classes. I have only core classes after my hour break which are easy classes that I have A's in, and its mainly a talk based lecture so I don't see the harm in doing it.
Am I in the wrong? is there a way to help my bf understand that i'm worse without it? Should I stop or do less ? I don't know I'm just lost. I feel like I don't let it run my life, but sometimes I feel like he thinks I'm some like addict or something.