Self harm

*trigger warning self harm!* Please note that the stigma around self hard I did some research on the reasons people do it and the stigma is that it is for attention. I don’t want this post to make that worse, this is the first time I have done anything like this and even though that is the reason I did it, that never represents a community as a whole. It makes me sick when people hate on others that are struggling. Do not continue with the stigma and please educate yourself before you make judgements as I did. Thank you Lately I have been feeling pathetic and stressed. I think I am definitely slightly depressed as I just don’t feel like I am doing anything. My life feels like it is standing still. Everyone in it I feel like is living and I am just sitting and doing nothing watching people do things. I especially don’t think my friends care about me. That hurts a lot because they are like a second family to me, especially my best friend. And it feels like they don’t reach out, they are in their own lives growing and I am shrinking and dragging them down. I just want to feel like people care about me. So I stoped eating a lot and drinking water. I thought maybe if I was in the hospital people would show that they care about me. But I guess that took to long for me, I couldn’t wait. So I thought maybe if I got a big cut and I make a big deal about it people would reach out? So I did that, it is not deep at all, I couldn’t do it. I just feel disgusting with myself. What kind of horrible human being does that for attention? No one and I mean no one does self harm just to get attention, that is literally the stigma around it. I am like the worst human being on earth. Why would I want the people I love to be worried or see me hurt? I just feel so pathetic and like a horrible human. Never ever doing that again.

Bondgirl#88

Date posted: 1y

I feel similar with life seeming to just stand still for me it makes me upset and I feel like no cares either and I just wallow in my sadness, so I try to tell myself that I care and that’s all that really matters but most importantly God does, and I’m where I’m supposed to be. OCD is such a yucky thing to have, but cutting yourself is not going to cure anything going on internally when it is going to inflict more harm when you should be nurturing yourself and reflecting self-love. If no one else cares, you should at least try to protect yourself from evil thoughts by not giving in and cutting yourself to show you overcame the obstacle and love yourself. You’re not a horrible person, you just need reassurance that you are loved when it seems to be lacking. We can always improve on showing ourselves we care for ourselves.

Bleebloop

Date posted: 24w

TW: mentions of self harm

I don’t really know what’s going on today but I’m relapsing hard into wanting to self harm. I haven’t since I was a teenager but ive just got this itch under my skin and it almost hurts more than actually doing it would. I don’t know what to do, all the tips aren’t working. I can’t just do it either because I had a therapist who told me people who self harm go to hell. I just need to get this feeling out of me and I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure why it’s happening. I feel like I need to be punished for something but I don’t know what I did wrong. I guess this is mostly venting but if anyone has some alternatives to self punishment I’d appreciate it. Most of the tips I’ve seen have been for other types of self harm so none of it is really helping. I’ll probably delete this in a bit I just want to get it out. I can’t talk with anyone about it and I don’t see my therapist until th weekend

Tireddd

Date posted: 17w

I harmed myself

I had the biggest emotional breakdown of my life. I don't even understand why, but because of something that bothered me the slightest bit, i started yelling SOO loudly and bad at my parents: "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME!" I threw some things, i even ran, tried to leave the house, and i ran to my room, i hit my head and i got a bump and some really bad scratches. Afterwards i felt super guilty, i feel horrible for having made my parents feel this way, and how was it possible that I hurt myself like this? I don't understand why i reacted that way, it's so, soo bad. They hugged me and we cried for a while, but i don't understand, am i crazy?

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 15w

Horrible, feeling anxious.

Hey guys. I feel like no one will even reply to my post. I feel anxious af. I could barley eat a plate of soup. I feel so drained and fatigued and feel the anxiety in my stomach. I'm just so worried I don't even have harm ocd anymore. Its just... I grew up in a household where swatting people was normalized like if you did something really naughty. I never really questioned it and I grew up thinking it was an okay thing and would sometimes swat someone when they are being naughty growing up and even recently. I would never swat someone at full force or enough to make someone cry just more like a hard tap to get their attention but it feels automatic? And even then it's really really rare for me to do, i much rather talk sternly or tell someone. When i do swat its bc like if someone scared me I guess I hit their hand and say "THAT SCARED ME" and we both start laughing or if my older niece was roughhousing with her younger sister and the younger one gets hurt and the older one laughs, I swat the older one once or twice on her arm as a discipline and say "what is wrong with you??? Why are you laughing? You are much older than her! You could've seriously hurt her." And idk how but i never thought like how wrong this is?!... and I feel like sh/t like ocd keeps saying "well you have swatting impulses when someone is misbehaving or if someone scares or hits you, meaning if you get an impulse to do something really evil instead, you wouldnt be able to control yourself huh?" And I started to get so anxious and scared. Ive NEVER acted out on the harm ocd thoughts (nor do i even want to) ive been getting daily for 4 years even when they are misbehaving. But i get so scared like WHAT IF I get an impulse to do the evil thoughts? What if I lose control?! Is this a history of violence/ low impulse?! Does this mean i would act out on my fears?! I've never wanted to do these thoughts before but i get scared like what if I do one day? This whole day ive been ruminating and asking ai for reassurance. I feel terrible. I feel like a horrible person. I started to cry. I just cant anymore. I feel this weight on my chest. I feel so evil so irredeemable. I f/cking suck. I hate myself so much right now. I feel so much guilt and shame. Why am I still here anymore? Maybe i dont even have ocd and maybe i never did. This is just breaking my heart. I want to change and unlearn this swatting behavior as well for sure. :(

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