Is there someone I can talk to?

Hello! Thank you for responding, I've been struggling lately. Does it ever feel like you're lying to yourself? Like, anytime I try reminding myself that I'm me and that I don't want this, I feel almost upset because I actually do want to do the thoughts or at least I think I do. Anytime I'm anxious, I try telling myself I'm scared because I don't want to do that, but it feels like a lie and it feels like my morals have been switched as I a year ago NEVER wanted this. I don't know what's happening, I found a post relating to this exactly, but it only brought me momentarily relief since I began to feel guilty since I knew it was OCD yet I still believed it and it's made me feel like I've been secretly wanting this. I'm sorry for such a long reply 😅

Sorry, I meant to say I DON'T want to do these thoughts, but my OCD is making me feel like this is the only way out

@Anonymous I’m sorry!

@Anonymous7432 Ah, you don't need to apologize! It's okay! I just really hate how my OCD has made me feel like whenever I say this isn't what I want, I no longer feel like that's true, and that I'm lying to myself now.

@Anonymous I could’ve wrote that myself, ocd constantly tries to make out I’m lying to myself.

@Anonymous You just described me. All the time I feel the exact the same it even feels like you enjoy it and you’re at peace with living with that and those thoughts I understand 10000% I feel it all the time and it truly feels horrible because you’re just confused you truly believe this has changed you but it’s exactly what ocd does gives you false feelings so don’t fall for it. Truly the good intentions are in there we just really have to work deeply to find ourselves again and learn how to cope with ocd.

@yaya_zz I guess what makes this worse is that I KNOW it's false feelings, but there was apart of me that felt like I actually wanted it. I hate it so much how it feels like I like it, even as I'm writing this, it feels the same

@Sandyforest76 I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, it's hell, I'm sending you virtual hugs 🫂

@Anonymous I totally understand because it’s exactly how I feel. I know it’s false but then again I feel like it isn’t because I feel like I actually desire it and I want and I’m Okay with it I know trust me I feel like you are literally describing me. I haven’t been able to write a lot because I feel like I’m Lying to myself but I’m Glad I’m Not alone on this one

@yaya_zz It makes me feel like my morals have changed or that I've changed, I had a full blown panic attack earlier, and my OCD kept trying to convince me that I liked it. Anytime I feel anxious, I remind myself I'm scared, but then the doubt and the feeling of lying comes in and ugh. 😫 I don't know how to handle this

@Anonymous Yes exactly that. I feel numb till this point because I don’t even know what feeling is right to feel or which one is not.