I need substitutes for self harm :[

I don’t really know what’s going on today but I’m relapsing hard into wanting to self harm. I haven’t since I was a teenager but ive just got this itch under my skin and it almost hurts more than actually doing it would. I don’t know what to do, all the tips aren’t working. I can’t just do it either because I had a therapist who told me people who self harm go to hell. I just need to get this feeling out of me and I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure why it’s happening. I feel like I need to be punished for something but I don’t know what I did wrong. I guess this is mostly venting but if anyone has some alternatives to self punishment I’d appreciate it. Most of the tips I’ve seen have been for other types of self harm so none of it is really helping. I’ll probably delete this in a bit I just want to get it out. I can’t talk with anyone about it and I don’t see my therapist until th weekend

I am struggling right now with intrusive harm urges. They feel real and it feels like I am going to act any second. It feels like I have to hold myself back, which is a scary thoughts. I am trying so hard not to compulse, but does anyone have tips on what they do in these situations?

Recently ive been getting very scared to even be angry bc of the horrible thoughts I have and it feels even more real when I'm angry or even annoyed. Rn I was not even super annoyed at my neice but I felt a twinge of annoyance since she went up to my face and was yelling at me while I was resting on the bed and I got this image of doing something bad to her and I felt my hand twitch very little. I got nervous and felt relieved when her dad told her to stop screaming for no reason. I've been hyperfocusing on my bodily reactions (mainly my hands or how I'm feeling like did I just enjoy that? Was I considering???) And I've noticed the small twitches whenever I'm mad or annoyed and it's scaring me so bad! Like do I want to act out? Am I holding back??? I used to not even twitch at all when mad and I felt 100% sure I'll never act out but now it feels like I don't know bc what do these twitches mean?, I do know I don't want to ever act out but it's so scary. Recently whenever I feel angry once the argument is over I cry really bad after I'm alone and I pray so i never want or act out. And when the annoyance passes I also feel so guilty and want to stay away. Im scared these are real urges and i research for many many hours to make sure they arent urges or impulses and i also tend to ask chatgpt or here if the anxiety gets so bad 😕