Perfectionist, relational ocd

Hello community, I am struggling with a wash of lightning speed intrusive thoughts that occur when I have to interact and before I interact with people- mostly that I care about. Thoughts like- everyone wants me to be good, I am not good enough, I must perform, I can’t relax around people, I can’t be me because I am bad, I can’t trust myself to be good and liked, I must be more like my sister ect. It causes me to become hyper aware of my mouth and the sound of my words, I feel like I end up holding a wall up over me, I feel like I don’t even know who I am or how I would wanna be because the thoughts overwhelm me. Does anyone else experience this type of thing? And what has helped you? I can’t afford OCD therapy but I am so fed up of feeling so alone and hiding in my body. Thanks for reading

Username: Morgan :)Morgan :)

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 31w ago

For me, the most helpful thing - even more than therapy sometimes - has been mindfulness training. Especially from like, Buddhist teachers like Thich Nhat Hanh - you can teach yourself on YouTube!!!!

Username: Beetroot!Beetroot!

Date posted: 31w ago

@Minnie :) Thanks Minnie, yes I love reading Thich Nhat Hanh. And I do find meditation helpful but when I get really low and my thoughts feel like a raging force at the door, I can easily give up and feel like nothing works. I’m gonna look up some videos now

Username: Callum Callum

Date posted: 31w ago

This is exactly the OCD I suffer with. I require perfectionism socially and it manifests in me finding rules to follow when I'm good socially. Which then become compulsions that I need certainty aren't needed. I just NEED certainty I will be at my best socially. For a long time I incorrectly thought that I needed to get rid of all my thoughts, meaning I had to neutralise them before talking to someone. If I failed to do so, I continued both trying to neutralise them and simultaneously trying not to neutralise them, disrupting my social ability and then feeding a cycle of needing to neutralise it next time to avoid my own cycle. The best advice I've learned is DON'T TRY AND GET RID OF YOUR THOUGHTS. - You can only be as good as you are socially, get as hydrated as you can, make sure you've eaten and sleep well. Then you'll be as good as you can be.

Username: Beetroot!Beetroot!

Date posted: 31w ago

@Callum This is so nice to read Callum! Thank you for commenting. Mostly just to feel like I’m not the only person with this type of OCD. It’s so tiring. Do you have OCD therapy? Have you managed to overcome this type of OCD at times? It’s very hard to practice allowing thoughts I find

Username: Callum Callum

Date posted: 31w ago

Ive made huge progress with it! Don't view it as practicing allowing thoughts because it'll become a compulsion in of itself. You don't need to 'allow' your thoughts as they don't need your permission. Most thoughts pass through your head in a day without any engagement from you: it's just ignoring the social thoughts. It's a paradox really, you need to ignore them without thinking about ignoring them. I find it helps to recognise that when you think these thoughts, you actually have a lot more wiggle room than you think: By default you are fine, it's the OCD that creates problems so try delaying your response to them or forgetting some of them.

Username: thebubblyonethebubblyone

Date posted: 31w ago

hey there, i'm really sorry you're going through this. it sounds incredibly tough, especially when those thoughts rush in and make you feel so disconnected from yourself and others. you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. 💔 by the way, have you heard about this new AI-powered OCD therapy tool called "unstuck?" when i was in a similar spot, feeling overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts and unable to afford therapy, this free AI OCD therapy tool (unstuckmyocd.com/try) that my NOCD therapist recommended really made a difference for me. i think it'll be especially helpful for you because it provides personalized, step-by-step support when those intrusive thoughts hit hard. it's like having an OCD therapist in your pocket, guiding you through techniques to manage these moments, without the high costs of therapy. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have Qs or just want to talk more! <3

Username: Callum Callum

Date posted: 31w ago

The more you stengthen your ability to resist those thoughts, the more you begin to realise that there's a life underneath the OCD it doesn't want you to see.

Username: Beetroot!Beetroot!

Date posted: 31w ago

@Callum Thank you, your understanding has been a real light bulb for me. Makes me think how much I could learn if I was to have specialist therapy. I feel encouraged. Still tired, but encouraged, so thanks again

Username: TofuIndulger

Date posted: 1y ago

Stuck

Hey everyone. This is my first post here and it’s probably going to be a long one because I guess I feel comfortable enough to be open here. I need help. When I first got diagnosed with OCD, I figured it only impacted a small part of my life. I thought I was only affected with compulsions and obsessions that dealt with contamination, tangible perfectionism and the obvious intrusive thoughts and that’s it. Well, I’ve come to realize that most of my thinking has been impacted by OCD. At this point the only way to describe how it feels to me is a forest of thorny vines growing in place of my mind or maybe through and around my brain constantly growing every-time I give into this type of thinking (which is basically all the time because I wasn’t aware this was OCD). I’ve definitely felt it more recently, but I know it’s always been there from what I recall from past memories. I got diagnosed not so long ago with OCD and I was happy to because it explained this thing I knew was wrong with me but I didn’t know how much it will and has impacted me in the past. So, I think I’ve created a matrix in my mind or strengthened the OCD thought patterns because now I feel like my OCD impacts everything I do. And I guess I’m saying I need help here because maybe you guys will be able to see it, maybe validate me and point me where I can get help. I’ve been telling the people around me, I think my thinking is disordered and I need help but I don’t think they really understand the amount it’s affecting me or grasp what I meant when I say “I Need Help”. I did have a therapist before but because of a insurance change, she can’t work with me anymore and I’m not sure when I’ll get another (just to clarify). Back to the matter, the past couple of months I’ve been in my head just thinking and thinking. About everything. To the point where my head starts to hurt or until I feel sick of thinking about it but I can’t. I find that’s my obsessions and compulsions (other than the need for order [which can also be mental]) are very mentally based and I find myself ashamed of them so I hide them so maybe that’s why the people around me don’t feel my need for getting help as much as I do. Anyways, examples of this have been, -constantly thinking about what’s the purpose of all of life and the hidden messages in life -feeling like if I don’t do everything perfectly then what the point or being very mad at myself -being obsessed with how I present to the rest of the world sometimes even in close relationships -having calculated movements and actions (having to move my body a certain way or it doesn’t feel right) -obsessing over an absolute truth -questioning friendships and other relationships - obsessing over achievements or failures -obsessing over people -obsessing over decisions and outcomes because I want to make the perfect decisions I could go on and on but basically it’s just a lot of thinking and ruminating and obsessing to the point where people tell me I look like I’m some where else all the time. And I’ve started to feel like I find comfort in it now. I’m also diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I feel like it’s all just OCD. And same goes for my dissociation. I feel like they all root from my OCD. I’m so tired of feeling like this all the time and without my therapist I feel like I’m stuck here. I can’t make decisions, I’m never present, I can’t make or keep friendships/ relationships, everything impacts me deeply because I create a emotional obsession to it, I can’t just be without questioning everything and I’m constantly in my head. I’ve also started getting high all the time because I feel like it’s the only way to escape my brain but I’ve felt like it’s getting out of hand. I’m starting to lose in any type of hope of getting better. Does anyone have an advice for working on OCD by yourself or identifying when it’s OCD (especially mental obsessions and compulsions) so I can start to chip at this boulder that’s weighing down my life and energy?

Username: Nerdwithocd

Date posted: 1y ago

Work related ruminations

Hey everyone! I’m new to this app, but not new when it comes to OCD treatments. A few years ago I had to leave school/ my job in order to work on my mental health which was hard but needed. Mentally things have more or less gotten better OCD wise but I still really struggle with protectionism. I started a new job within the past 6 months that is challenging, but I enjoy enough to hopefully stay at for a few years. As of the past two weeks I have been really struggling with ruminating over my performance at work. I have been trying really hard to learn all the moving parts of the job, but because of lack of mentoring and constant little hiccups I have been stressing. Currently I have been overwhelmed/ overthinking so much that I have been messing up my work and it seems like my coworkers are pretty annoyed by constantly having to correct me. It’s honestly my worst fear as a perfectionist to feel like a burden. My intrusive thoughts as of late is that they are going to think I don’t care or try hard enough, that they talk bad about me to each other, and that they are going to fire me. Has anyone else experienced this type of OCD perfectionism that affects there performance within school or work and if so is there anything that you did in order to help recenter yourself in the moment to stop your brain from running in circles?

Username: G.M

Date posted: 48w ago

I need to rant

Hi, so I’ve been dealing with OCD for the past four years intrusive thoughts and all. At first it started with being scared of panic attacks then the thoughts went to being scared I’d harm myself and now they’re associated around harming other people especially my family which is very very scary. It feels like I’m deeply rooted a bad person. I can’t even tell anyone my thoughts. It also makes me confused on if I want these thoughts. I’m not even sure if I have any compulsions bc I try to just ignore the thoughts and distract myself. Lately I’ve noticed my anxiety getting a lot worse Notjhing seems to calm it down anymore and I just want to stay alone in my bed and make it all go away. I’m scared I’m scared of myself and I’m scared these thoughts could happen one day and I’m scared I want them. Sometimes my thoughts can make me feel like that… does anyone have any good resources im doing ERP but it’s so expensive. I haven’t tried medication but I want to I’m just scared it will make me worse or make me gain weight. But I’m at the point where I’m desperate and something needs to change bc I can’t live like this. I feel like I’m fighting my thoughts all day. And one second I feel confident I’m ok and the next my whole body gets hot and I feel like it’s all possible and I want these thoughts. Someone please give me advice?

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Perfectionist, relational ocd

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