Worrying so much is so comforting somehow. I feel as though it’s the norm. I’m a little hesitant to part with it. I’m scared to feel nothing when I’m supposed to be worrying. I hope this doesn’t sound ridiculous.
No, it doesn’t. It’s kind of like when you’re in an abusive relationship and the chemicals in your brain start to get confused about the person. Like you hate the toxicity but you just can’t leave. Or when your ocd is so debilitating that you become desensitized or the neurological pathways in your brain start to make it feel like it’s normal. It’s basically like being in an abuse relationship with your own thoughts.
@TheUglyDuckling90 Thank you!
That ^^^ I was so worried about this EXACT thing. And then when some of the worry was relieved i was ALSO relieved. I was pleasantly surprised to notice feeling MORE things (more positive things). I wish you all the best!
@NoFishingHere Thank you!
Anxiety and Not wanting to feel feelings Since I started ERP and resisting rumination and rituals and controlling things I’ve noticed I have extra mental real estate. I’m not as consumed by my thoughts but my baseline anxiety is like 6/10 always. It’s pretty high. My brain keeps checking in and saying “you shouldn’t feel this way! This isn’t right! Google depersonalization! Google spacing out and brain fog!” But I know that’s OCDs game. So I just sit with the anxiety and try to move on with my day. Interestingly, once I strip away all of the rumination, compulsions and rituals all I’m left with is my own uncomfortable feelings that I don’t like. This leads me to conclude that ocd is just a way for me to try and control how I feel. I always wanna feel good and relaxed. Everyone does but that’s an unrealistic goal. Has anyone else come across this before?
Therapists make reassurance seem like the most horrible thing ever. When in reality for me...that’s the only thing that makes the thoughts stop for a very long time. Like months or sometimes even years, in a way ocd helps me get rid of it. Certain compulsions make me feel okay and safe, that’s why I do them . So I feel calm
Can OCD make you feel content / happy / everything is fine? This feeling doesn’t seem real because deep down I am sad. I also have depersonalization / derealization so I know it’s shutting down some of my emotions, but part of this feels like it might be OCD.
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