Getting to know new people and the guilt

Since my ex decided to break it off with me and start a relationship 2 weeks later with his female friends that he told me about, I’ve been struggling with guilt and being able to see other people. It all feels so wrong and it’s hard for me to let someone else in even as friends. Her story is even worse than what my ex did. She broke up with her ex 3 days before sleeping with my ex in the flat they both lived in. Hes found it really difficult to move on as she’s been messaging him constantly about her new bf, trying to make him jealous and even still sleeping with him when she was sleeping with my ex. Anyway, me and her ex became friends over this entire thing, we both felt hurt and realised we could make each other feel better as we’ve been through the same thing. So we met up yesterday and spent the day just chilling and talking, but now I’m worried people are gonna go around being like “that’s disgusting they’ve swapped” or “they’re just as bad as the other 2” I don’t wanna be on the same level as them, I’m not sleeping with this boy or even seeing him in a romantic way, we just hung out and we get along. It’s nice to feel understood by someone outside of my family and friends. But I can’t and it feels impossible to let anyone else in. Even this guy I fancy on a night out, if I was to make a move I’d do nothing but feel the guilt. Just constantly guilty all the time. The thing is I don’t know her ex that well, we’ve only recently started to talk and become friends, so I don’t know if the person he’s showing me he is, is actually real. My brain has convinced me that maybe he’s lying about everything she did to him (even though she’s done this before with her other ex in exactly the same way so it wouldn’t surprise anyone) and apparently like everyone who knows her knows how horrible she is, so I don’t know who to belive at this point. My ex ain’t much better but I’m talking about him telling me about her, for my issue my ex is the bad guy, but for him his ex is. I’m just struggling with guilt

120

Date posted: 1y

You’re going through a lot, and it sounds like you have been badly hurt. Guilt is a pretty common response to a painful situation like this but it doesn’t mean you’re responsible or that you deserve the pain. Keep trying to meet new people and try to be patient with yourself, you’ll feel more comfortable eventually but it will take time to recover from such a painful situation.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@120 I really am, and I’m trying so hard to allow myself to be friends or even see other people but it all feels like I’m gonna be talked about or the bad guy. I even had to see her ex today just to make sure he knew that I was his friend and rn just wanna explore connections as I’ve been struggling with the guilt of not wanting to make anyone angry or be as bad as them. To which eh understood and agreed with, but it also feels wrong that I had to friendzone him. I’m just really confused. We said we’d be there as wingmen for each other, me helping him find girls and him helping me find guys and just hyping one another up. So we’re still close, we’re just not going to do anything that would be considered bad. Not that we could because we were hurt. But I said I’m gonna just explore and so is he. But I still feel like immense guilt in my stomach that I can’t seem to shift

120

Date posted: 1y

@stuckonathought Those sound like safe, mature decisions to me, it sucks that you still feel guilty though

sunbear28

Date posted: 24w

Irrational Guilt in 5 month relationship

Ive been having terrible irrational thoughts that Ive cheated and don’t remember. Like the guilt made me repress the memory and im actually an awful person and someone’s gonna expose me. I know it’s not true and I love my boyfriend more than anything but i feel so guilty for something ive never done. its been making my life so difficult and i dont know how to explain it without sounding like im covering something up :( Its making me think that I need to break up and i don’t want too, but the guilt and anxiety is eating away at me. I feel like I need to get better before I continue on or i’m going to permanently ruin everything with my mental illness

Bonzo82

Date posted: 23w

Guilt over memories

I had a life before I was with my partner, that involved having girlfriends and one night stands, etc. That's a lifetime of memories that I now feel guilty for having. Something as silly as watching a TV show with my girlfriend will make me think "I used to watch this show with an ex, is it ok to watch it with my current girlfriend?" and I will feel real guilt over it and need to seek her reassurance. There are other memories, about "intimate" times, that sometimes come into my head and I have urges to share them with my girlfriend to alleviate the guilt I feel for having the memory. Fundamentally, I feel guilty every time I have a memory of an ex, often regardless of the content. I feel like I shouldn't have thoughts of anyone else other than my current partner and it's wrong to have memories of exes. When I do, I feel guilty, ruminate, then have the uncontrollable urge to share the memories with her. She gets upset, I get upset, but also feel relief that I've shared. Does anyone have any similar experiences and/or tips around this sort of issue? Thanks.

secretuser

Date posted: 20w

stuck in life

my grades are super bad, my ex moved on, i have no real friends at all, and i feel empty inside. i feel nothing but i feel so many emotions at the same time. i wish i would’ve done better in life. i push people away but then complain about being lonely. me and my ex broke up 8 months ago and i still can’t get over him. he got a girlfriend a week after our breakup and it makes me think about so many things. i’ve talked to guys after that but none of them are the same, i got this feeling with him i got with nobody else and it hurts to know i won’t ever get it back. i feel like im not good or pretty enough for anyone. i feel to difficult for a relationship and to tired. i compare myself to his new girlfriend all the time and i can’t stop. why can’t i be as pretty as her? what was so wrong with me that we had to stop talking? we talk every month as friends but it lasts an hour. my heart craves his love again but i know i won’t ever get him back. i remember this one time i tried cutting off all contact with him because of his girlfriend. when i did, he said he didn’t wanna fully let me go because im a good friend to keep around and he knows ill always be there. i don’t know if he still means that because it’s been months but he still texts me first sometimes. i know i need to let go but im stuck in life and i just need him to help me like he always would. but i cant get his help so i feel stuck and confused and sad and empty.

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Getting to know new people and the guilt

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