False memory real event false guilt

Year+ ago i was addicted to p*rn and thank God i overcame it. This one instance i was looking at celebrities. A new wbsite had a compilatiom of romantic scenes i was looking for one in particular. There was a scene a husban was holding his child and talking to the wife who was nude. I remember being sngry because i didnt want to see a child it wasnt inappropriate but i was looking for a scene on a p*rn website so i fast forwarded and was mad. I went through the video and had to go back to find the scene i was looking for of a celebrity so i got anxious if i had to pass that other scene with the kid. Im not a p*do and i found the adult scene and kept it moving but now years later my ocd has doubt and what ifs like what if i was touch*ng myself when i seen that scene of the kid or what if i went back and did the second time. I know this is false memory ocd snd i know its false guilt because im not a p*do. I dont take pleasure in that the thougjt of it causes me anxiety. Im just worrying what if then that would make me a p*do but im not and ive never done that. My intent was to see a celebrity and i was mad when i seen the kid.

Malisimo

Date posted: 1y

Stop trying to reassure yourself that you are not a pedo. The ocd will just want endless reassurance. Are you a pedo, maybe and maybe not. It doesn’t matter. If you are not out there in the world being a pedo then why answer the question? Allow yourself to feel anything even if it is disturbing otherwise it will cause an anxiety spike.

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

@Malisimo Appreciate the feedback

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

@Malisimo I know im not. Like u said its the ocd tricking me and playing on my fears and seeking endless reassuranc

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

@Malisimo Im also the tyoe of person that if i did anything bad little or small i would confess and turn myself in. I have no history of those p*do and evil things. So the fact that years gone by and now my ocd wants to have false memory real event doubts is a clear sign its just ocd. I no logic and reassurance isnt a good tool. Just another resource

Malisimo

Date posted: 1y

@Anonynmous19 Don’t reassure yourself by saying you know you are not. The question doesn’t require an answer. Pedo or not a pedo is not the problem, you trying to answer the question is the problem. The ocd cannot be reasoned with, it’s only going to make you feel doubt and ask again to be reassured. But yes we both know you are not a pedo. However if the ocd asks are you a pedo say sure why not, I could be you never know.

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

@Malisimo Appreciate the information!

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

@Malisimo Idk why it still lingers me with guilt and doubt incertainty and worry. I try to use logic and reasoning. Remembering i have more evidence against this worry and thought and knowing who i am and my history being good and my anxiety and anger about pocd (not pleasure like a real pedo). The ocd still tries ro consume me

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

@Malisimo I know im repeating myself but ive been ruminatimg all week and its affecting my work and home life. Please help. I was diagnosed with ocd. Pocd false memory real event themes. I had p*rn addiction in the past and i would specifically search adult porn or particular celebrity names to ensure i didnt come across any p*do stuff by accident. There were times websites still had images of what looked like underage or normal family ads and i would get angry and anxious because i dont want to see that. There was one time i looked for a celebrity video and it had compilatiom of her s*x scenes from her movies. It was all good until one scene it was her trying to arouse her husband in the movie and he was holdimg their child in his arms (nothing bad) but since all the videos prior were adult s*x i fast forwarded passed the scene with the kid. I couldmt find the scene i was looking for of the lady so i had to go back and found it. Finished the deed and moved on. Told my wife how i came across that kid scene and how angry snd mad it made me. I wasnt trying to do anything bad i was intentionally looking for a female celebrity. I went on and now years later ocd doubts if i intentionally looked for the child or when i went back to find the scene i passed thst scene snd i recall being anxious having to pass it but i was looking for a scene and now my ocd worries was i looking st the child scene again. If i wouldve done something that bad i wouldve confessed and turned myself in. P*do is the worst thing to me. I am not one and dont have a history. The false memory real event ocd therapt says just accept uncertainty and move on but i cant accept if thatbwere true. I use logic and reasoning to try solve the ocd. Im not a p*do and it gives me anger and anxoety. Not pleasure. Plus my intentions was to look at a particular adult celebrity i found attractive. In my religion doubt is falsehood and in liberal arts doubt is conquered by logic and reasoning. I used my cbt tools and have more evidence against the ocd doubt but i still feel guilt or anxiety about what if i did that unimaginable thing when i came across the scene of the child when i was looking for margott robbies s*x scene.

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

@Anonynmous19 I remember telling my spouse i was anxious and mad when i came across the kid scene where in wolf of wall street margot robbie was maked in fromt of her husband holding the kid. I was just looking for margots romance scene and came across that. It was a compilatiom vido of romance scenes from wolf om wall street. And i had to scroll through to find the romance scene i was looking for and worried when i m*sterbated to her and came across the kid scene was i doing that to the kid and if so thatd make me a p*do but im not a p*do and thst wasnt my intnetion and when i saw the kid scene i remember freaking out and getting angey and fast forwarded and when i rewimded rhe compilatiom to find the adult romance i was anxious to pass that kidnacene and quickly scrolled pass it till i found the adult romance scene

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

Anxiety level decreased. It feels like a dark cloud or shadow following comes back with anxiety and doubt but tryna prsctice what u said

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 18w

Sexual ocd

I was watching a porn videi a whike back and intent was to look at the woman. I clicked on the video and tbe camera was up close so i couldnt distinguish who as the man and woman up close because it wasnt their faces but their butt. Once the camera adjusted and i realized it was the mans butt not the womans i felt sick to my stomach and anxios. It happened a long time ago so i dont recall every detail but i rememwbr the anxiety, stress, guilt and anger i felt. Im sure j was upset and changed the video. Ocd tries rk make me doubt this and sats im gay because of this and then tries to attack me with not only hocd but rocd saying i was unfaithful for eatching porn and worse tbat i was watchibg n doing tge deed to the guys butt. I thought it was the womans n when i realized it wasnt i was anxious and mad. It happened long sgo i dont recall the details sk ocd is making me diubt. Im not gay and i know my intention was ti see the woman and fantasize of my wife. Then ocd says i lije thr guys beard so it neans i was arousing over him. Or thoughts that he’s handsome so it means i was arousing over him. U cant control my thoughts but i kniw im not gay. And my intentions were to see and arouse over the woman and fantasize over my wife. I know ocd wants me tk diubt the memory but i know who i am and i dont arouse over men. Im pretty sure when i realized jt was the man butt not the woman i was angrg embarrased felt anxiety and changed the video to one where it was the womans body part and that i can better distinguish between the man and female so it wkukdnt hallen again because i dont want to arouse over a mans butt only a womans. I was driving and had the memory kf this and then the ocd made me doubt and question the memory and said im gay and unfaithful ti my wife and all the intrusive thoughts. I think i recall telling my theralist sbout this after it happened. I recalk vyt icd is making me doubt this too. I know who i am and i know the fact this was an random intrusive thought turning into a real event false memory with doubts anxiety snd guilt shows its ocd. And the anxiety around the thought of arousing to the man makes me sick to my stomach and like ny therapist said i know im not gay and im not living two lives. I just thought it was a womans butt and ciuldnt tell that close up and when i realized it wasnt i was anxious.

EndOCD!

Date posted: 17w

I don’t know what to do

I have this same situation replaying in my head. It has to do with porn so if your young just know this may be a little graphic. I tend to use Twitter for porn and the reason I do this is it’s a lot more direct I can type in what I want to see and it’s there I don’t have to go through unknown websites and hope not to get viruses, and to be a little more specific more amateur/ real sexual experiences come up on Twitter rather than porn pages with staged written scenes. So in my use of Twitter for this there’s been times when questionable material/ illegal material has come up and never did I save it knowing it was 100% illegal or even interact with it if I knew it was 100% illegal. I was 18 or 19 at the time of this and I started to fear that in these moments I would look at these illegal videos/ sketchy videos to long when they would pop up like for example I remember seeing a video that was 100% illegal content and I was so shocked and like confused that I looked at it for a moment and then left and then I went back to look at it again just to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing I also remember seeing videos that were in a 18+ section but sometimes the girls in the videos looked like they could be 15-17. As we all know 18 year olds can look anywhere from 15-17 or even younger these days so I would be cautious and use my context clues and what I knew when watching videos that I was suspicious about but had no proof of them being illegal aside from my thoughts and the person looking young. So with this and me worrying I got super scared and hyper aware of what I was watching and now I remember me going back on Twitter to look at content that I was intending to be 18+ but all I would think about is what if something illegal would come up what if I see it and I look for to long or what if I feel attracted and I like it. And I just remember going back to Twitter to look at legal porn but it felt like I was there so that something illegal could come up to see how I’d naturally react to it. Never did I go and type in key words or type in anything illegal in fact I remember times I would strictly put 18+ next to whatever I was searching so I could be sure everything was legal but sometimes it would feel like my hope and intention was that I would see something illegal so that I could feel that anxiety rush or just to see how I would react naturally to seeing it and I feel like this would count as me intentionally looking for it so now I feel disgusting and like I committed a crime. Sometimes I just feel like I was only looking at porn because I wanted to feel that anxiety of what if something bad comes up and how would I react. I know deep down I didn’t want to see illegal content and that I was probably just feeling that I wanted to check how id feel if it did come up but now I feel like I was intentionally looking and that my whole objective was for something questionable to come up so I can see how I react. Is this ocd or did I just make a horrible decision?

EndOCD!

Date posted: 16w

I feel so guilty

I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?

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False memory real event false guilt

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