- Date posted
- 1y
Terrible urges
I'm struggling really badly with terrible thoughts and urges. I feel I'm going crazy. Im a kind person and I can't cope with it.
I'm struggling really badly with terrible thoughts and urges. I feel I'm going crazy. Im a kind person and I can't cope with it.
OCD rears it's ugly head all the time. What I do is I try and distract myself to pencil doodle on a pad and the next thing I know I've made art. I have this huge poster paper taped on my wall, everyone else thinks it's my art. Lol Little do they know it's a distraction and they don't have to know. I get so many compliments.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Most of us have been there. Basically, you are suffering from the "what-ifs," and their siblings, the "would I, could I, am I, do I, oh no!" thoughts. One thing you can do is stay in the present: what am I doing, or not doing NOW? What am I plotting or not plotting NOW? Do I have a choice? This helps to neutralize the What-ifs, etc. If you haven't already done so, please consider getting into therapy with a TRAINED OCD, therapist who uses ERP therapy. It can be a reall game-changer. You can find a lot of very good ones through NOCD, or you can access the International OCD Foundation's website. IOCDF has a list of approved therapists based on geography. Hope this helps. Hang in there. Just remember that a thought is a thought is a thought, not a threat or an action, just a thought. An intrusive thought is no more of a threat than a thought about ordering a pizza.
so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?
I have religious OCD and the thoughts have been becoming really bad. I’ve been hitting myself punching myself screaming quietly if that makes sense pulling my hair out talking to myself nonstop. I can’t even hang out with my family without doing these things or going to another room to do these things, these thoughts of overtaking my life I will always be Christian God is most important to me and I’m so scared because these thoughts are terrible. They’re disgusting they never ending. There’s always something going on in my mind. I don’t understand. I’m scared. I’m turning into a bad person. I don’t wanna dishonor the Lord God, I don’t know if this is just OCD or something else.
I sit on a swivel chair sometimes and when people get too close to me I move the chair away from them cause I don’t wanna go crazy and move it towards their groin. But one time someone was super close to the swivel chair like they were making contact with it and I had a thought of what if I move it towards their body and I felt the need to move the chair an inch towards them and so I moved it quickly and without hesitation and idk why like I must be crazy tbh. There is also this vague sense of wrongness attached to the memory. It is present right before the movement. It almost feels like I remember thinking an evil thought or having bad intentions but just don’t really remember. I try to prevent stuff from happening but this time I snapped I guess. Also I wasn’t anxious at all until afterwards. I was in a good mood at the time. I know OCD can cause urges but it feels like I remember turning bad/evil before I did it. Idk anymore. I just can’t live like this anymore. I’m terrified of myself
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