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yes, this is so scary! But don't think you're the only one, seriously. I answered something about this just this week, we are not the only ones who go through this. The thing is, we think so many negative things so many times a day, that sometimes we're so exhausted that it's just like, "OK, more of that again..." and then another intrusive thought comes along and: "So you're used to the point of not caring and feeling good? That's kind of weird, maybe now you've admitted it, that's what you are, you're bad." It's just bizarre because when I engage the intrusive thought I feel really bad and anxious, but when I say "ok" and move on, thinking it's just going to be one more, I also feel bad for not paying attention and thinking I agree with the thought.

Yep, all the time 😢

I’m literally believing it so much and I keep feeling like I like it and want it to the point I don’t know what is the truth it just feels real

I know OCD is hard I have harm OCD I used to  be very afraid of my thoughts of hurting my family and it made me feel like a horrible monster. I was able to overcome my OCD but you have to not fight your OCD and not do any compulsion. You have to learn to just be OK with it. I highly recommend you look up response exposure that’s pretty much what you have to do to not have a OCD affect you anymore. you kinda have to learn to be OK with the OCD so that it doesn’t bother you anymore. I still have the graphic thoughts, but I’m able to not be bothered by them and they just kind exist. Worrying about if your OCD is OCD or not or truly, you is definitely a common compulsion of pure ocd. I’ve definitely had that one in the past.

Yes , I also worry who id be if I didn't have the thoughts