- Date posted
- 1y
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Mental Disorders have ruined my entire life... It's just over... Don't know where to vent anymore...
Mental Disorders have ruined my entire life... It's just over... Don't know where to vent anymore...
Lately Iāve been feeling obsessive compulsive sick. (Itās my way of saying that my mental illness is making me feel unwell) I hear whispers to be honest, telling me to do awful things to others and myself. They tell me how horrible everything is, they yell and scream at me, and tell me violent harmful things. Sometimes they plead for help, other times they try to lure me in to believing them, and worse of them, they threaten me. They have a gun pointed to my head and laugh at me, saying āI shouldāve known you always been such a worthless piece of shit, hahaha, kill yourself you scum of the earth.ā The voices are scary, but they are just voices, but they are still scary. Sometimes I want to see if they are true, but then it backfires. I am so gullible to the thoughts and believe them without warning, but when it comes to me, I am stubborn and headfast. I follow my rules, eventually breaking them out of fear. Sometimes, people canāt take it anymore, and fall. They fall off of buildings, bridges and their chairs. The voices over power them and then, they are gone. We are survivors of our own mind. We are programmed to live, but are forced by our own mind to fear itself. What a horrible fate that we are responsible for dealing with. A illness that has the same caliber has a physical one because both end with one thing: death. Death of our values, our health, and our actual life. Treat it seriously, itās a mental illness for a reason.
I want to crawl out of my own skin I don't know why God put me on this earth I don't know why my brain is broken Im a lost cause and I don't know why I haven't ended it
(21+ ONLY PLEASE: TRIGGER WARNING) Iām just so sick of it. Iām letting it win. Iām letting it beat me. Iām losing. Iāve been seeing a therapist but we only meet every two weeks for an hour because of my insurance. I canāt afford any more visits. Weāve been working on ERP but I still feel stuck. Just recently, we went through a drive thru and the kid at the window looked really young. Iām afraid that I found him attractive and I felt a groinal at the thought. I f*cking hate my mind. I donāt think I can do this anymore. Iām trying but I still feel like itās not enough. Iāve let my parents down, my friends and my family. Everyone who knows me doesnāt know the thoughts I have and how sick and disgusted I feel with myself.
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