Moms with ocd

@Anonymous3133 I’m a stay at home mom with 2 young kids and it’s very hard. My themes switch a lot but mainly it’s been around harm ocd, fear of being depressed and just recently started with my health (like a fear of getting cancer ). I just feel so off right now it just hit me out of nowhere and I was wondering if anyone else experienced this? (Especially moms)

@Anonymous 25# My main theme is harm ocd as well! I’ve also dealt with the fear of being depressed to the point where I wondered if I was actually depressed! I can be hugging my son and almost crying because of how much I love him one night and the next morning have the fear of harming him. It’s so debilitating.

@Anonymous3133 There’s times I cry for no reason, there’s times I cry from anxiety/ocd thoughts, there’s times I cry from guilt with my kids … one of my recent exposures is to read articles on depression in moms and it triggered me because every article felt relatable to me, so of course the thoughts come in with “this isn’t ocd you’re depressed”, “you should just kill yourself”, “exposures aren’t going to work because it’s not ocd”, “what if I am depressed and it gets worse”, “what if I can’t handle it” etc …. The other day is was worried about me getting skin cancer, before that it was about my sexual orientation. I’m just like wtf? I mean I carry a big mental load being a stay at home parent and I always hate being alone (my husband works) because it’s a lot on me everyday. When I’m alone and stressed that’s when I get attacked with thoughts and anxiety.

@Anonymous 25# I completely understand and can relate! I’ve been going through harm ocd for 2 years now and for the past year I was doing really well on my meds with very minor flare ups. Then a month ago I decided to drop to half of my dosage on my meds and I’ve been having really bad flare ups since then. For example, today I was making a 3 1/2 hour trip with my son all by myself and I started feeling sad as soon as we were leaving and my thoughts started. What if I just go crazy and I’m in the middle of no where and I have to pull over and what if I just drop him off on the side of the road and take off? Like I was spiraling so bad that I felt like I could really just pull over and do that even though I absolutely did not want to!!!! And once those thoughts started, my original fear kicked in and I was afraid to even make it back home because my main fear has always been knives and the fear of harming him with them. Im also a stay at home mom and im alone with my son almost 24/7

@Anonymous3133 I felt this message so much ! I get these moments of like uncontrollable sadness. Sometimes it’s from my anxiety/ocd , other times it’s from being overwhelmed at home with my kids, and sometimes it’s literally for no reason. Idk what’s wrong with me honestly. I’m in therapy, I do exposures and all that but it feels never ending

@Anonymous 25# I haven’t tried erp therapy yet because I don’t have insurance but I do wish that I could try it. I do my own exposures like I still keep the knives out and use them to cook but I agree. I’m still getting in my head and freaking out over the thoughts.

@Anonymous3133 and it’s just annoying because I know I love my kid. I’d be devastated if anything ever happened to him. I’m even a helicopter mom. So why am I like this?

@Anonymous3133 Mine started with harming my kids and now it’s toward myself so I feel your pain. It’s just awful

@Anonymous 25# I’m so sorry! I pray we both get past these horrible thoughts and get our joy back!

@Wyomama14 Harm also?

@Robyn🪴🧘🏻‍♀️🧠 Would you mind sharing your experience? Themes ? How you get through it? Does it feel like it gets worse? Because I feel like I’m having a pretty intense time at the moment

@Anonymous 25# Of course! I have suffered thru at least 5 different themes throughout my life. Harm was the first subtype I ever experienced but I’ve had SO-OCD, ROCD and POCD. Through therapy I have learned that at the end of the day, it’s all OCD and you approach each subtype with the same plan of ERP. POCD was really bad after my son was born, of course I didn’t know then that it was OCD. At the time, medicine and talk therapy helped me to temporarily get out of the cycle. About two years I started getting harm and sexual orientation thoughts about my son. This turned into a very dark hole for me. I was to the point I could not take care of myself or my son, and with my husband traveling for work, it all became very difficult to cope with. My son and I had to live with my parents for 4 months while I started ERP therapy. Learning ERP has helped me to manage my symptoms and flare ups. I’ve been with NOCD therapist for a year and a half. You get to a point in recovery where you live with it and learn how to respond correctly. My flare ups are fewer and fewer now but even with my worse days I sit with the anxiety and the uncertainty and tell myself to just let it be. Mindfulness has helped me tremendously. I work very hard to stay in the current second I am in and not look to what could happen in five minutes or five years. I highly recommend the Mindfulness for OCD workbook and the Self Compassion for OCD workbook. The Self Compassion workbook really helped me with loving and being kind to myself.

@Robyn🪴🧘🏻‍♀️🧠 I started therapy in January of this year doing ERP. Before this I was also in talk therapy and tried medication but to be honest I’m not a big fan of it so I came off. I got hit so intensely with harm ocd towards my children at first and then it went to me going to jail, suicidal ocd, sexual orientation ocd, health anxiety, fear of depression. There’s days where I feel okay and like I’m starting to get the hang of it but then there’s days like today where I’m a complete mess. I get this feeling of unease and discomfort within me, I can’t really explain it but I just feel so off and uncomfortable. Then the thoughts start coming and lately it’s been with the suicidal theme and depression. I don’t wana be either of those things ! Like I so badly don’t. My chest gets so tight and I feel like there’s truly something wrong with me every time I go through this. It’s hard, I’m alone a lot and I have 2 kids to raise. I always show up for my kids no matter what. I’m not the type to stay in bed all day or neglect my responsibilities. The uncontrollable sadness I get during these episodes is what freaks me out because i automatically think depression.

@Anonymous 25# I know that uncomfortable feeling you are talking about. It’s a feeling like something is off and you’re uncomfortable. ERP takes time. It really does. And in the midst of it, there are going to be horrendous months, weeks and days. My recovery chart has MANY ups and downs but overtime what was once a bad month, turned into just a bad week, and then a bad day, and now I just have tough moments. The ERP is a lot of work. And it’s really hard…but you can do it. I am a stay at home mom too. The thoughts that I have used to absolutely destroy me but overtime they got quieter and quieter and less scary. He is literally my life and now I know that OCD preys upon that which we hold dear and value the most. And man, we love our children something fierce, don’t we!! Make sure that in the middle of the OCD, ERP and balancing life, you take time for yourself. Talk to yourself kindly. Give yourself a hug…no joke, this is something I started doing and it makes me feel so good. Tell yourself that you are doing a good job!!

@Robyn🪴🧘🏻‍♀️🧠 I appreciate these uplifting words. I try to remind mind self I’ve gotten through many tough moments before. Sometimes I don’t even need exposures because my thoughts alone will get me going. It’s just a lot but I’m trying to stay hopeful. Thank you so much again.

@Starlite_ Hey I’m also new, and was wondering how you’re doing and if things have gotten better for you or anyone else on this thread since it’s kind of old.