False Memories? - - - - How many people here have dealt with false memories in some capacity? Mine started very recently and I have new ones often. ( i have had checking OCD nearly my whole life that came and went and varied in severity but recently ramped up and became the worst it’s ever been, then out of nowhere i had a spike and suddenly created false memories) They often start out with a real event in some capacity and then if there’s a gap in my memory (because the initial event I’m remembering happened so long ago) then I begin with the “what if’s” until I can begin to create a false memory in my head. The more I begin to question if the what if’s could’ve truly happened, the more my brain visualizes what those what if’s could’ve looked like, and then I ruminate and ruminate. Looking for any small detail that would help me remember whether or not my suspicions and what if’s could’ve been true. (Most thoughts sway towards the negative end of the scope because I’m so so worried about being a bad pedían) These events that trigger the false memories have happened so long ago (3 years to 10+ years ago) that I will never be able to remember enough details to know forsure what’s true and what isn’t. I wake up in the morning in distress because the anxiety is already there. I often wake up with panic attacks and then I spend the whole day ruminating and then beginning to feel like a terrible person because if these false memories are actually true then I must be a terrible person. I ruminate, do online research, and constantly confess any new things that pop into my head that make me believe I could potentially be the bad person my false memories make me feel like I am. It is the most stressful and debilitating thing I’ve ever experienced and I constantly wish I could go back in time before I ever began creating the false memories because I feel I could’ve lived the rest of my life fairly normally (despite having what felt like mild OCD, anxiety, and depression compared to what I’m dealing with now). I am so hurt by the idea of being the person my false memories could make me be that I constantly think about suicide. I always know I would be too afraid to actually do it and I also can’t bare how it would affect my partner and my family, but whenever I’m not ruminating about false memories or under extreme distress over them, I’m thinking about ways I may kill myself. I feel like I have no control and that I may do it with random objects within the blink of an eye. And all while my brain constantly thinks “what if this isn’t ocd, what if you really did do these bad things and you’re definitely a bad person for it and you can’t live a life being that type of person”. Has anyone else felt anything similar? My false memories are also linked to relationship ocd and pedophile ocd. :(

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5y

But genuinely bad or evil people simply don’t care to look into their past and ruminate about all the details , they worry more about how they’ll affect them in terms of the law , or associations they have where they can’t benefit anymore off of other people. I’m not giving you reassurance as I’m not telling you that your memories are real or are not real , just something to think about. Even though it seems impossible , you can genuinely make peace with the idea of the memories being real ones or fake ones , that’s if you really work hard and practice changing your thinking pattern ! You could always argue that bad experiences or mistakes ( not saying you made them or had such experiences or memories , just that it’s a way to interpret it ) make someone become a better person and they help them and others not make the same mistakes. Bad people and good people both have purposes. ( again , not implying Anyang about you ). You also gain knowledge from it all that you couldn’t have gained any way else. Hope this helped ! :)

madaraa

Date posted: 5y

honestly i have false memories time to time and they set off my fight or flight response lol! i usually try to disregard them but its super hard

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5y

I’m so so sorry you’re going through this , I know all too well how powerful and corrupting false memories are and my heart goes to you for real. You’re a warrior and you deserve to know that.

lyric

Date posted: 5y

Thank you!!!

sjsmith98

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Hi lyric! I know this is from 3 years ago but I found it while searching false memories on here as a topic. I hope you are doing well and just wanted to say I experience this same thing with similar themes, I think this is the scariest part of OCD for me personally. Not knowing if the events are real or not really bother me.

lyric

Date posted: 5y

Thanks for the response!! Yeah they’re super hard but I’ve had some mild relief (just feeling slightly better) over the last few days so I’ve been very grateful. Definitely scary to deal with!

bobbyz

Date posted: 2y

I felt that I know how you feel I have like what if in my head feeling like bad person and idk if it’s ocd more I think about it it feels real when I do think about it it feels real idk how to deal with it and it bothers me

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond