I think the majority of people here feel the same. For me, I've had ocd since I was 17, and it spiraled out of control, I was able to go into what I felt like was a remission with a lot of informal erp. It never went away, but I was able to hide the compulsions and thoughts from others very well for many years despite it growing inside me after having c diff and then Mono in college. BUT it really spiraled out of control with the birth of my son and his open heart surgery. It made me stop caring about the bad things that would happen to me and hyper focus on the feeling that every time I was walking along in life happy and safe something awful would happen, but here's the trick about ocd, those awful things didn't go away because I washed my hands or cleaned, he still had surgery, my husband still went into heart failure, and my compulsions have only heightened their stress and kept them from enjoying precious days. The medication helped me get to a point where I could feel a tiny bit of safety, I never took the thoughts away it just helped dial them back a bit so I could see that the panic for what it was, something that would feel awful and then pass. I will probably consider taking low level dose of Prozac once once I go through erp if I need it, but I am all in. I am done with ocd, it steals my joy, it steals my family's joy. Everyone else is just out there living on the edge and their fine, so I will probably be okay too, and I'm coming to accept that someday things aren't going to be fine,but I'm going to have memories with my child and my husband to look back on instead of misery. And if I die in the process or something bad happens to my family, then it's what was supposed to happen in my life. The only time I ever felt absolute peace was the day my son had surgery, I haneed him over to a man I had met 3 times to let him stop his heart and all I could do was tell God that I trusted him and to please let me take him home, immediate peace foe a few brief moments. And each time I stand up to my ocd I get a little bit more of that peace, even if it's super hard when I'm going through the exposure before. It's hard yes, absolutely, but know you can do hard things, but have to find what is going to motivate you. What would you do if you didn't have fear or ocd? What is the reward at the end? By the way, I don't take offense at thinking that my new attitude is dangerous or reckless, I'm excited at it, that's how I know it's working! I finally feel alive again instead of wishing it and being held prisoner in my head. I wish you luck on your journey and I hope you find the thing that motivates you!
