Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

rocd NEED ADVICD

Ive been having such a bad episode i keep ruminating abt my relationship and how when we were abt to break up i thought my whole world was ending like i actually wanted to just stop everythjng which i know is bad so once i felt thst ive been working on spending more time w friends and becoming more independent and me and my bf r working together to fulfill our personal goals so we can have a healthier relationshipnand make things work and stopnbeing toxic. but my ocd keeps telling me if im this attached and dependent then its not real love and its all toxic snd it wont work out which i dont want at all and then i had this thought that i have to break up with him bcs its valid to if im this attached but i don't want to at all and i don't want to think that either cuz we r actually doing well. but it got in my head and now i'm so stressed out and i have this other fear that once i become independent its just an obsession with him that will turn to disgust but i don'g want that rither. can someone pls pls give me advice that will help this is stressing me out so bad

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

also i keep worrying that our relatiknship is only working out cuz i have ocd and i need it to and thats ehy we r trying so hard bcs we were toxic before n now we r trying to grow out of it bht im worried that its anot bcs we r meant to be but bcs of my ocd help

ExpertParakeet

Date posted: 1y

It sounds like you’re in the throes of a hellish OCD loop. I would not try to rationalize the situation at all, as OCD can *never* be reasoned with. Try to focus on your day-to-day life and something enjoyable, and distracting. Keep repeating the mantra to yourself, “I accept the uncertainty of these thoughts.” Also, I am NAD so please consult a physician before trying this, but magnesium citrate helped me break hellish OCD loops like these.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@ExpertParakeet what do i do bcs im genuinely stuck and i don't want to think about this while im with him

ExpertParakeet

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous My first advice is to repeat the mantra over and over again “I accept the uncertainty of these thoughts.” Don’t try to reason with the ROCD or find a solution.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@ExpertParakeet my therapist said my ocd is the reason i feel like my life is ending if we break up and bcs of that feeling we decided to work things out and become healthier. but my fear is whatbif once my ocd is better snd i lose the unhealthy attachment that my entire relationship with him is gone like whst if it was all based on toxic sttschment and i don't love him after that or if my obsession w him turns to disgust bcs it wasnt genuine love and it was a product of my ocd im so scared

ExpertParakeet

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I don’t mean to brush your feelings off, but this is classic OCD. I can even read in your responses that you’re currently stuck in a rough loop :( I know it sucks and it’s so deeply uncomfortable to do, but please try to treat the OCD first before worrying about your relationship status. However, you are entitled to personal boundaries *at any time,* though. You don’t need to be intimate with someone, whether physical or emotional, if it makes you uncomfortable. Only do what is 200% consensual.

anonymusss

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous once upon a time i was thinking like you but honestly what kind of attachment or toxicity is harder than having this ocd and stress. if you werent in love with him if you were just toxicly connected with him do you think that your body would choose torture to you? i dont think so. and i see a lot of toxic relationship they want to break up they dont get stress but they forgive their partner or smthng its not like that

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@anonymusss can u explain this more im trying to understand it :)

ExpertParakeet

Date posted: 1y

@anonymusss If you’re interested in attachment style theory, I would check out Heidi Priebe on YouTube or ask your therapist about it. <3

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@anonymusss oh i think i see what ur saying!! i hope ur right i think i know deep down its not like that but my ocd was going rlly well im just being rlly inconsistent w treatment and its hsrd to treat the ocd before worrying abt my relationship bcs my ocd is abt my relationship

anonymusss

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous my ocd is about my relationship too. but im tryna say if you dont care about ur relationship you wouldnt think this much. if you are toxic you would feel some kimd of hate but you cant let go this is toxicity but you love ur partner so you overthink about it

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@anonymusss this helps so much thank u if u have more to say abt this pls do

anonymusss

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous i mean if i really dont love my bf even if i have toxic attachment i left him than having this torture(ocd). seriously

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@anonymusss thats true tbh we r doing well like we were rlly toxic but we just decided like it hurts too much to be apart so we want to be better so i just worry if thats out of toxic attachment or bcs we rlly love each other bcs idk if it hurts that much to be apart bcs of my ocd or bcs i genuinely love him

user36373738

Date posted: 16w

Has anyone ever felt like this I’m freaking out

I have had ocd in my relationship for a while now. When I originally met him it was like this insane spiritual soulmate feeling and we just clicked instantly and he never judged me. I’m scared cause when I picture breaking up with my boyfriend I see myself being ok and being sad but moving on which I never was able to see before doesn’t this mean that this is what would happen or I don’t know till it happens? I still can’t imagine what life would be like without him but I just feel like I have lost feelings that I never wanted to lose. plus that’s also when I just picture knowing how people move on and how I’d just have to move on without letting myself picture processing the losses of all. I’m just really scared cause I used to think of wanting other things in someone else and what it would be like but I just thought how nice it would be to have it and not actually meaning it bc every time I thought about it I got upset and now it feels diff. He knows I have ocd but I never explained the ROCD because I thought it would have offended him so every time I went through a flare up I never told and acted like I was fine and it kept happening and OCD kept getting worse and worse. Maybe that’s part of the issue cause I haven’t been feeling like myself. But this is a feeling I never wanted to feel ever with him. I have gone through the feeling of numb but not like this. And he has a lot of positives but I can only see him overall as negatives and I’ve been told that’s ocd but it’s affecting how I feel. And yes there are legit actual things in the relationship that upset me but ocd has been affecting the way I look at him also. I keep being told my judgment is being impaired but this time it rly feels like not. And I’m Scared why don’t memories and things affect me like it used to doesn’t that mean I want this. Has anyone experienced this or is this the end 😭

cmax20

Date posted: 16w

ROCD

for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Rocd help please

Ok so this all could be for reassurance but I’m rlly upset en and need help. So to preface, I had ocd when I was younger her and when I started dating my current bf it suddenly returned but ig I didn’t realize it was rocd bc I never knew it could present itself in this way. All I knew was “go away I just wanna love my bf and stop liking other guys” when my brain would get me so confused. A couple weeks ago I started on Luvox and I thought it was rlly working bc I also started seeing an ocd specialist and she gave great tips on exposures and the Medication in conjunction w that jus felt like it finally make me myself again. However, yesterday I had some gwneral intrusive thoughts in the morning and right before that, I was on top of the world so happy bc I was myself again. When the thoughts came I was like ew oh whatever. UNTIL my brain was like nagging me and making me feel guilty for having those thoughts. So I dove into em making sure they weren’t true etc. bc that never fixes anything it kept progressively getting worse and I forgot my exposures in those moments bc I just wanted to make sure I loved my man and didn’t do smth against him. Towards the later day, I was swimming w my siblings and my bf and the whole time I had a blast bc he’s the best, but I had nagging thoughts and feelings saying some guy from my new job is similar looking but slightly better looking and he’s the one guy I’ll leave my bf for. And it’s been saying that and variations of it from over 24 hrs now and I feel so awful. I feel guilty and to make things worse. Last night bc I spiraled/ relapsed so hard my thoughts also said I wanna leave my bf bc I no longer love him and I miss those old feelings but I can’t jus forget how awful I am as a gf to him bc my thoughts and ocd feelings. I feel terrible and I jus wanna be fixed😓I don’t wanna like that guy my man is my bsf and so cute and handsome and perfect. Why am I still “confused” if I don’t wanna be etc. my therapist said to go toward my goals and Values and not let ocd stop me from it, but I feel as if I can’t til I make sure I don’t like the other person or wanna but all I want is to be me but I feel like a liar 😞

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