- Date posted
- 1y
Desperate for Help
Hi everyone. This isn't as much a cry for help as it is a confession. I was out to brunch, and had a drink, felt a little tipsy and then went grocery shopping. All was fine and well until I started having intrusive thoughts about POCD. At first I was mentally saying no and disagreeing, but then I kind of started to ignore it. Well I went to the bathroom, and when I was washing my hands, I had more intrusive thoughts (or I was acknowledging the OCD I was having, I don't know for sure) but then I had a groinal response. It felt like pleasure but I knew I was also having OCD AND I convinced myself I had pleasure to the intrusive thoughts about POCD. I was numb and drunk and honestly I didn't even have a reaction besides I just let it happen like I didn't say no mentally I kind of just stood there with dead eyes at the floor. I feel absolutely disgusting and I feel the need to confess to my boyfriend everything. I feel disgusting. It feels like I was having pleasure to those intrusive thoughts and I'm disgusted with myself that my brain and body would do that. The problem is- I can't remember if I was just numb and not reacting, or if I keep doing it? It happened like 2-3 times that my body had that groinal response. I don't really remember thinking about a particular intrusive thought or I know I didn't like imagine anything TO have pleasure to, but I can't ignore the what-ifs. Someone please help