New Niche Obsession

I’ve become terrified of the internet and technology. My biggest obsession right now is that there’s sexual videos of me on porn sites or on the internet. All it takes is one bad guy to record me secretly and put me on there. I’ve never been blackmailed or anything and it can happen to anyone but I get an urge to check because the feeling is so strong that I’m on there. I will check key words on porn hub and I’ll be relieved for a second when I don’t find anything but then I think of other things to search and then I doubt if I saw correctly. I say “what if that was me and I just overlooked it?” And my initial obsession gets worse. I have the urge to check again and when I don’t I have it repeating in my mind that there’s a video out there of me.

Has anybody else been exposed to harmful content online? Like, as a child, being online I came across a lot of gross, graphic content. In middle school, I remember my best friend showing me a really messed up video and we would “laugh” at it because it was so “crazy”. I look back and realize we didn’t really fully grasp what we were watching. I’m so scared for gen alpha because when I was a kid online I was seeing a lot of messed up content on twitter and other apps and I didn’t have the tools to understand what was happening. Like not too long ago back in 2020 a man committed suicide on camera and I saw so many teenagers and children asking for the link to watch the video, and then people replying back to them “you don’t actually want to watch this, don’t be stupid” & etc. I’ve also seen a lot of people from my generation (gen z) talk about how they’ve seen gore amongst other things simply being a child on the internet. My unhealthy relationship to the internet has really traumatized me and it feeds into my OCD daily. I’m super over protective of any kids who are online and I make sure to set parental locks & stuff. I’ve been online since I was like 7 and I’ve seen way too much. People would post crazy shit & be laughing at it and stuff and now that I look back I realize none of that shit was normal but I was being exposed to it so much that it kind of became just a trending “internet spectacle” amongst teenagers specifically. I wish I was being protected as a child but a lot of kids have parents who don’t give af about them and I was one of them lmfaoo and I was just being exposed to hella harmful content and thought it was normal up until I reached like 16. A lot of people still act like it’s normal. Like I’ve seen a popular ig baddie post on her story that she goes on gore websites to watch real autopsy’s (and that’s not even the worst I’ve seen people talk about). It’s really scary and I think my generation (gen z) is the first to face this generational and cultural shift in the way that children are being raised because we were the first generation of children to have 24/7 access to the internet. Anybody else relate and does it also affect your OCD?

Anyone here suffer from OCD related to climate change? Just finished researching the subject (readers his one of my compulsions; oops 😬)and the sheer quantity of different narratives freaks me out a little bit. I guess this falls into existential OCD because of the nature of the threat. It also becomes more complicated given that climate change is a real threat. The uncertainty of how dangerous the threat is/the likelihood of extinction in my lifetime is what I keep getting wrapped around the axle about. Much love to all you fellow OCD-ers!❤️