Help

Im a father who loves my family and child and wouldnt do anything to hurt them. I had to change the diaper and I saw an area that needed to be wiped on the leg but got anxious. I slightly moved my hand to wipe my hand was out away from my body and my child. I had the thought to grab the towel and wipe to be clean. But i got anxious so my hand moved and then i pulled my hand away. I didnt go toward the towel my hand moved near my child but was far away. Ocd says i was going to do something bad but i know thats not who I am. And i know my therapist said my mind can involuntarily send signals due to anxiety to make me move my hand as a false alarm and then i pull my hand away obviously because i have no intention of doing anything bad. Ocd just still makes me feel guilty and like i was going to do something. But i know thats not who I am.

Does anyone know how to deal with guilt for something you did as a kid that you feel is disgusting and worry that it could have hurt someone you loved.

Does anyone imagine they are doing their harm thoughts during an action, making you feel like you acted on your thoughts? For example, someone gave me a hug and at the last second I imagined I was touching something I shouldn’t during the hug? I want to make it clear it’s something I have zero desire to do! But the problem is, I thought it on purpose and it makes me sick !! Obviously nothing happened but my mind is telling me that was me trying to do it. Even though it was physically impossible to do. Am I a monster or could this be OCD? I’m freaking out and don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like I’m the exception and that this isn’t OCD. I know I post about this stuff a lot but I’m struggling and don’t know what to do.