theres this guy i used to have a crush on when me and my bf broke up and no matter how much i try i cant lose the attraction or not think hes attractive and i keep thinking hes more attractive looks wise than my bf but i dont want to think that bcs i genuinely love my bf and i dont even want to feel anything towards this other guy can someone help or give advice please
attraction to others even while in a relationship is normal. We are humans, not robots and we can't program our brains into not being able to recognize when another person is attractive. don't be hard on yourself. You know that you love and are attracted to your boyfriend. you are able to recognize that despite having those thoughts, you don't want to. all you can do is let these thoughts pass by without any attention and acknowledge that they are just thoughts and don't change how you truly feel. sending best wishes and happy thoughts your way š«¶
@stxrmads but to think hes more good looking hurts me bcs ik my bf even if he secretly acknowledges other attractive girls or feels other attractions the same way would never think i'm less pretty than them or even compare us so idk how to stop that or if its ocd or not it just hurts to think but at the same time it feels like something i naturally think so idek
@Anonymous maybe you don't truly feel that way? People are attractive in more ways than one and maybe you find this person attractive in a different way than you do your boyfriend. don't compare how you think someone else would think to your thoughts. in all honesty, your ocd could have easily latched onto this guilt that you are feeling and making it 10x worse. the fact that you don't like these thoughts is a good indicator of it being an ocd flare up.
@stxrmads the weird thing is he looks just like my bf except he has a beard and i feel horrible because sometimes i suggested my bf should grow a beard or that he wld look good with one bcs in my head i was referencing the other guy bcs he is like a vision of my bf with a beard but i don't want to be a bad gf or turn my bf into someone else i find attractive idk why i ever said that i just feel so guilty feeling or thinking any of this bcs it feels so real too so idk if it even is ocd
@Anonymous I understand. It truly seems like with all the guilt, that it is OCD. Remember that OCD has one main goal and it is to make your anxiety and worries feel real. They latch onto your fears and make them seem like a reality. That is what it is doing. Being able to accept that this isn't truly what you want to feel and that you love your boyfriend is key to letting these thoughts go and bringing yourself peace. As well as knowing that it is human nature to thinking or acknowledge that other people are attractive. it's all so very complex and difficult, but you aren't a bad person for these thoughts.
@stxrmads thank u so much
@Anonymous of course!
@stxrmads today im struggling again. i used to have sm ocd abt wanting other guys validation and wanting to be single which i never wanted to feel and i gave into it. yesterday i watched some movie and ansingle girl was in a bar just getting w some guy and idk if i actually did or if this is my ocd but i got turned on by the idea of a single hook up and then all the intrusiv ethoughts came back abt wanting to be single again even tho things r so good w him and whenever i feel that ocd i cant even talk to him without feeling so disconnected and sad that i cant feel anything do u have any helpful asvice
@Anonymous it's sometimes so hard to differentiate between true relationship struggles and your OCD messing with you. I am dealing with something similar, you are not alone. The best thing I can say is to understand that OCD is going to create false feelings and emotions to convince you of something that isn't true. Unfortunately, trying to always find an answer and succumbing to the urge to keep asking questions and beginning to panic about if you really feel that way or not and eventually calming down by getting an "answer" will on provide very short term relief, and is only going to make the issue worse the next time it flares up because you will continue seeking that reassurance. The intrusive thoughts are only a part of the OCD cycle. Ruminating and reassurance seeking is the compulsion to ask yourself why, and to get an answer to calm down. The relief you feel will not last if you keep feeding the cycle. what you can do when you feel this way is acknowledge that what you feel/think is the OCD, and that it doesnt mean anything about you or your relationship. You have to accept that these thoughts will make you feel uneasy/anxious or disturbed, but to not give them much attention is the goal. They will pass through easier and easier as you practice this and you won't always get stuck in the cycle of intrusive thoughts -> ruminating->reassurance seeking-> repeat. I and wishing you the best of luck, and just know that you aren't alone. š§”
@stxrmads even when i tell myself its ocd and to just lwt it be it keeps going idk what to do
Ok so this all could be for reassurance but Iām rlly upset en and need help. So to preface, I had ocd when I was younger her and when I started dating my current bf it suddenly returned but ig I didnāt realize it was rocd bc I never knew it could present itself in this way. All I knew was āgo away I just wanna love my bf and stop liking other guysā when my brain would get me so confused. A couple weeks ago I started on Luvox and I thought it was rlly working bc I also started seeing an ocd specialist and she gave great tips on exposures and the Medication in conjunction w that jus felt like it finally make me myself again. However, yesterday I had some gwneral intrusive thoughts in the morning and right before that, I was on top of the world so happy bc I was myself again. When the thoughts came I was like ew oh whatever. UNTIL my brain was like nagging me and making me feel guilty for having those thoughts. So I dove into em making sure they werenāt true etc. bc that never fixes anything it kept progressively getting worse and I forgot my exposures in those moments bc I just wanted to make sure I loved my man and didnāt do smth against him. Towards the later day, I was swimming w my siblings and my bf and the whole time I had a blast bc heās the best, but I had nagging thoughts and feelings saying some guy from my new job is similar looking but slightly better looking and heās the one guy Iāll leave my bf for. And itās been saying that and variations of it from over 24 hrs now and I feel so awful. I feel guilty and to make things worse. Last night bc I spiraled/ relapsed so hard my thoughts also said I wanna leave my bf bc I no longer love him and I miss those old feelings but I canāt jus forget how awful I am as a gf to him bc my thoughts and ocd feelings. I feel terrible and I jus wanna be fixedšI donāt wanna like that guy my man is my bsf and so cute and handsome and perfect. Why am I still āconfusedā if I donāt wanna be etc. my therapist said to go toward my goals and Values and not let ocd stop me from it, but I feel as if I canāt til I make sure I donāt like the other person or wanna but all I want is to be me but I feel like a liar š
I love my boyfriend I find him attractive, and I know itās a choice to see that and appreciate it, but why do I get struck by some men I see who are cute but Iām used to Josh? Itās like he doesnāt strike me as much anymore. Heās cute, but like I want him to strike me and maybe it takes me recognizing what I love. But Iām used to him lol, like I can notice other menās attraction and obviously not wanna be with them. Iām just tryna figure out healthy ways of thinking. Like I see Josh I notice him but Iām not struck by his handsomeness Iām kind of used to t I guess? Is this infatuation
My ex boyfriend broke up with me last summer and it was really rough on me even thought we only dated for a little while. He treated me terribly but I guess I wanted it to work. However during the fall I was healing well and met my current boyfriend. I knew him as a kid and we reconnected and started dating. Itās the most WONDERFUL relationship ever and I love him so much. However for the past couple months, on and off, I have been obsessively thinking about my ex, to the point of feeling so sick to my stomach. Just the thought will do it. I have been stopping myself from checking his instagram because that just makes it worse. I do not want me ex back at all and I am so happy now. I recognize these thoughts as intrusive and hurtful. I just want them to stop and be in the moment. Has anyone had a similar experience? What did u do? Also, I want to tell my boyfriend about this but I am unsure on how to do so.
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