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I feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s kind, loving, supportive — and I know he loves me deeply. But I can’t feel anything anymore. I sit next to him, and I feel numb. I kiss him, and it feels empty. I remember how I used to feel, and now… nothing. It terrifies me. The worst part is that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I constantly question if I ever loved him, if I’m just forcing things out of guilt or fear. Sometimes I imagine breaking up, and I feel nothing — and that scares me even more. I keep thinking: if I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel it? I’ve read about ROCD. I want to believe that’s what this is. But the thoughts feel so real. And I can’t stop spiraling. My therapist didn’t help — she made me feel like maybe I was lying to myself. My mom either tells me to stop overthinking or gets angry. I have no one to really talk to. If anyone here has been through this — through the numbness, the “what if I never loved him?” thoughts, the feeling like it’s all fake — please tell me how you got through. I’m exhausted. I just want to feel peace again.

I get married in 5 days. And what’s suppose to be the happiest week of my life, is the most numb, dreadful and ocd-filled. I’ve suffered from what I’d call existential ocd for 2.5 years. It’s been so long with it that I THINK my theme has changed to.. “what if I never feel the same again?” “What if I never recover?” “What if I’m always left feeling numb and disconnected?” The existential ocd started with “life is meaningless thoughts”. They are still there. They’re relentless too. My brain just one day grasped that we die and immediately it led me to belief that because of death and because no one has answers.. life is meaningless. I developed very bad depression. And I think my ocd has latched on to this numb feeling. Let me say, I feel no positive or negative emotions. I can’t cry, I can’t feel, I don’t see a point, I don’t feel connected to anything or anyone. I get married in 5 days and I feel nothing. And let be clear, I love my fiance so so much. He is amazing. Everything I want and more. Everyday I wake up, my ocd is nonstop all day. I really don’t see a point in anything. I would say I have little to no insight OCD. I truly believe this is my life. Any advice appreciated.

Hi everyone, I really need help and support right now. I’m feeling completely empty inside. I’m in a 2-year relationship with someone who truly loves me and has done nothing wrong. He’s kind, affectionate, supportive, and genuinely wants a future with me. But I’ve been struggling deeply for over a year and a half with constant thoughts and painful feelings that I don’t love him, that I never really did, and that I’m only here out of guilt or habit. Lately, it feels like I don’t feel anything. When I’m with him, when we hug, kiss, talk—I feel numb, disconnected. I keep thinking “I don’t love him” or “I’m faking it,” and it feels so real. I can’t remember what it felt like to love him. I look at old photos and feel nothing. I don’t know what I saw in him. I’m exhausted. I’ve read so much about ROCD. I’ve tried to “sit with the thoughts,” I know reassurance is not the answer, but the thoughts feel like truth now. Even when people tell me “the fact that this hurts so much means you care,” I just think: maybe I only care because I’m a good person and don’t want to hurt him—not because I actually love him. I’m terrified that this is the moment I’ve feared all along: that I’ll finally “realize” the truth—that I never loved him. Please, if anyone’s gone through something similar… how do you deal with this emotional numbness? How do you keep going when it feels like your heart is gone and all you can think about is the fear that everything you felt was fake? Thank you for reading. I feel like I’m losing myself.