found comfort

Does anyone find (believe) their OCD is as bad as it is because of the situation they’re in? There is a lot of talk on here that OCD is a chemical imbalance and that exposure therapy works. I’ve had this over ten years and can say with absolute certainty that exposure therapy has NEVER worked for me. It makes it worse. This whole idea of “exposure therapy lets you reach a level of anxiety and realize you’ll be fine” is very toxic. I have done this. Had a massive panic attack. Collapsed. And ambulance had to be called. My living situation is horrible and makes my OCD spiral. And because of the way the world is right now moving isn’t an option. Which has made my depression spiral. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. All I do every day, every moment, I’m not at work, is lay in bed and cry.

Hi I'm new to this app and just wanted to communicate with someone struggling with simular things. My ocd has me feeling so stuck right now, like I just don't know what to do. It's caused me to stay home from school and quit my job due to panic attacks. I should probably specify I have contamination ocd and some other one idk what to call. Closest thing would probably be perfection ocd. A couple days ago I had a really bad panic attack once I got home from work where I cried and sat on the stairs for about 2 hours. I only got up when my mom forced me to, because everytime I tried I just felt like I couldn't move. It was mainly triggered by my job as I find it "dirty" and cant handle it anymore- I quit mt job that night. Then is also when I finally told my mom how I've been feeling because of it and now she's constantly worrying that I haven't hurt myself as I finally told her "I just want it to stop." I don't think I actually would but I can't help but to think what would happen and how I could go about it. I have a therapist I see monthly, but I find it really hard to tell her how bad it's effecting me because it's hard to talk about and Idk what kind of power she has but I don't want her to send me to the ward. Idk if that's even a thing anymore but I'm scared of it. I constantly feel like I have to clean everything and I just dont have the energy to do it. All I want to do is lay in bed. But these "dirty" things full my mind untill they're "clean" again. Not to mention the things I literally can't clean because of their material 🥲 I apologize for the awful organization, these are just my thoughts right now.

Does anyone else find comfort in their OCD? I know I have pretty severe issues that come with it, but it makes me feel better in a way. I want to get better, but I don’t want to lose the feeling of clarity I have from OCD. I am specifically thinking of checking (and even intrusive thoughts in a way). By completing my little compulsions and routines, I can breathe and relax a bit. If I “get better” am I going to be able to be as thorough and careful as I am now? How else will I be able to soothe myself if I can’t do these things? That is very distressing to me because I very much think that my OCD is connected to anxiety, and if I can fix my OCD, will my anxiety become worse or less manageable? Am I going to lose the ability to self soothe? At the same time, I want to get better because the compulsions and routines and thoughts can be extremely overwhelming and upsetting and I waste so much time and energy. I’m just worried that I won’t be a whole person if I can fix myself, but I also don’t feel like a whole person when I’m dealing with it all every minute of the day. Does anyone understand this? How do you go about fixing it without losing part of yourself?