I just want to feel normal again. My new theme is destroying me. I feel so lost and I just needed to say it somewhere. I'm glad this group exists. One of my few comforts has been knowing I'm not completely alone.
Keep your head up, I’m in a similar space and know how excruciating it can get. Neither of us are alone though and there’s someone in your same predicament, we will all get there if we don’t give up.
i understand what you’re feeling, i’m so tired and i really feel like i don’t want to be here anymore, i’ve been dealing with this for like two months and i feel really lost and sad, i’m angry with myself and i don’t even know why
@malolin_21 Hang in there. I’ve dealt with tons of harm OCD and I get it! You are not alone. Remember, it’s not about the content. You would be afraid of harming yourself today and afraid of something totally different tomorrow. It’s just about whatever feels most unforgivable and audacious in your mind. Try thinking about one of your fears on purpose— tell yourself “I want the anxiety, I want to feel uncomfortable, bring it on, it’s just a feeling”. When you take away the forbidden aspect of it, it diminishes its power. I encourage you to read the different articles NOCD posts about this. I also recommend the book “stopping the noise in your head”, both changed my life! You got this 💪
@L_e_d i feel like my life is over
my main theme is harm ocd and i really feel tired all the time, i don’t know how to be alone anymore and i hate when i’m in my own house
It's debilitating I know. I understand how you feel. Alone and scared. OCD is exhausting. Just know you aren't alone. I wish I had a magic wand and could help all of us going thru this
Do you care to elaborate more on your situation?
I have been through multiple themes usually contamination and relationship, I've also had some magical realism. But now I'm struggling with pocd and this is by the worst one I have ever went through. I know the thoughts are intrusive and not my fault. I know that my brain is deliberately trying to distress me. But I still feel disgusting. It's effecting everything.
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression
So thankful to have found this app 😭 my 15 year old is struggling with what is unofficially diagnosed OCD (counselor is starting the process to diagnose but she fits SO much of what we’re reading and she’s at least 4th generation OCD’r). We are in a bad spiral right now with her, especially centered around sleep and it just feels so hard. Just wanted to say thank you for helping me not feel alone.
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