I just want to feel normal again. My new theme is destroying me. I feel so lost and I just needed to say it somewhere. I'm glad this group exists. One of my few comforts has been knowing I'm not completely alone.
Keep your head up, I’m in a similar space and know how excruciating it can get. Neither of us are alone though and there’s someone in your same predicament, we will all get there if we don’t give up.
i understand what you’re feeling, i’m so tired and i really feel like i don’t want to be here anymore, i’ve been dealing with this for like two months and i feel really lost and sad, i’m angry with myself and i don’t even know why
@malolin_21 Hang in there. I’ve dealt with tons of harm OCD and I get it! You are not alone. Remember, it’s not about the content. You would be afraid of harming yourself today and afraid of something totally different tomorrow. It’s just about whatever feels most unforgivable and audacious in your mind. Try thinking about one of your fears on purpose— tell yourself “I want the anxiety, I want to feel uncomfortable, bring it on, it’s just a feeling”. When you take away the forbidden aspect of it, it diminishes its power. I encourage you to read the different articles NOCD posts about this. I also recommend the book “stopping the noise in your head”, both changed my life! You got this 💪
@L_e_d i feel like my life is over
my main theme is harm ocd and i really feel tired all the time, i don’t know how to be alone anymore and i hate when i’m in my own house
It's debilitating I know. I understand how you feel. Alone and scared. OCD is exhausting. Just know you aren't alone. I wish I had a magic wand and could help all of us going thru this
Do you care to elaborate more on your situation?
I have been through multiple themes usually contamination and relationship, I've also had some magical realism. But now I'm struggling with pocd and this is by the worst one I have ever went through. I know the thoughts are intrusive and not my fault. I know that my brain is deliberately trying to distress me. But I still feel disgusting. It's effecting everything.
I feel so freaking scared. I know I’ll have an intrusive thought/urge and whatever I know I’m going to fight off another compulsion until I eventually give in bc I’m still so new to this. I am petrified and I feel like I cannot for the life of me relax. I’m sleep deprived, in a terrible place hormonally, withdrawing from meds, and being treated like a burden by people around me. I literally feel like I can’t do this. I keep thinking about those posts where people talk about the hypothetical scenarios where you learn your death date. I feel like if someone told me I’d die soon, I would cry of relief. I would never hurt myself but boy do I not want to experience this anymore.
I don’t have much of a support system outside of my bf, so I find myself here a lot. I think I just need to vent, so forgive me if I do this too often. It helps to have a community of people who truly understand. I haven’t felt this debilitated by mental illness in months. There has to be some explanation, maybe it’s hormonal, because I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. The panic hits in waves, sudden and overwhelming, like my head is submerged in lava, burning and suffocating. Then, for a brief moment, I feel almost normal and wonder what all the fear was about. But it never lasts. The chaos always comes back. I even considered going to the ER because I’m not sure I can trust myself anymore. Something has to be wrong, because this isn’t me. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s not unbearable either. Since I withdrew from school, I’ve been so much less stressed that even my cycle, which has been irregular for years, has somehow regulated itself. But even with that, I feel like a failure. I was one semester away from finishing, so close, but OCD hit me harder than it ever has. It felt like drowning, gasping for air, reaching for something solid, only to be dragged under again and again. Now, I feel like that again, but worse. I feel hollow, like something is wrong with me at my core. I don’t just feel sad; I feel broken. I break down into uncontrollable sobs every few hours, and I don’t even know why. I just know that whatever is happening, OCD is taking full advantage of how vulnerable I feel. Is this what MDD feels like? Everyone tells me I have it, and it’s been confirmed by my psych, my pcp, and my therapist, but I still can’t seem to fully see it. I don’t know how to separate what’s OCD from what might be another disorder. I’m sorry to anyone also going through such a hard time, my heart goes out to you 🤍
I've had this app for awhile and was really nervous to post,comment or like anything.I still am,and frankly I've been having a really rough time which mostly includes ocd symptom,guilt/shame and agoraphobia which is not a fun combo but a small part of me is so tired of hiding and feeling awful all the time,even if at times I feel like I deserve it.I've been wanting to dabble into my hobbies like drawing or gaming but even my hobbies have been stressful & these negative feelings have been so awful for so long that I feel like I'm standing between two roads all the time yet feel horrified and worried either path when it comes to almost any decision will be wrong or not worth it in the end(and I hate that I feel like so.).I'm sure people can relate but the heavy loneliness and dehumanizing feelings is so awful,it's so good at it too.😭 I'm not diagnosed yet but I share alot of symptoms (interested to figure that out about myself soon.),but until I get medical insurance figured out I don't think I'll have access to professional help yet so for now I've just been watching some professionals online and I might finally read 'Freedom From Obsessive Personality Disorder' and see what it can offer.ANYWAYS,I'm trying to force myself to post so I can to people irl and online in any way I can train my brain to not stay so terrified of everything/everyone so,how has your day been?I hope it's been going well,if you've read this book or have any good suggests please feel free to let me know!
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
