- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Want to talk about it?
- Date posted
- 6y
Maybe when you talk you can let him know that you plan to work on yourself and on finding other good things. I think it would help both of you. I've been the person who is the only good thing in someone's life. It's a lot of pressure.
- Date posted
- 6y
If you have time :( haha
- Date posted
- 6y
Most definitely. First I would try and take some deep breaths. It can be really overwhelming all the emotions at once and heavy breathing just makes it worse.
- Date posted
- 6y
If you genuinely feel that checking yourself in would be the most helpful thing for you then you should do it. But if you think you can work through it. Then I would try too.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you so much. I'm a college student so checking myself in would be a big deal and I'm scared but it's something I'm considering if it gets worse not better over the next few days. I've never loved anyone or anything like him and (bad to say) there's nothing else in this world that makes me happy like him. I stayed through a cheating spell or two, and over the last year we've been solidly doing well. I pushed him out due to my own issues and I wasn't the best girlfriend all the time. I just want him to change his mind so badly. I messaged him and told him to know that I love him and that he didn't have to do it, and that I believed in him and what we could do together. But it seems like it's really over this time. Everything I was looking forward to and working towards was our relationship. I have nothing to be excited about amymore if it's truly over.
- Date posted
- 6y
I'm also college student aged but married. The past year I've really been focusing on who and what I give my energy too. How much of it I give etc. You are strong for staying through everything with him. Acknowledge that. Acknowledge that you tried your best for your relationship. Do not discourage yourself and try to place blame. You are allowed to take time for yourself. That shouldn't affect him. At the same time that you acknowledge being strong. Acknowledge you don't always have to be. Crying is healthy. Being sad is healthy. It just happened. It's okay to be hurt. It's just up to you how long you want it to make you sad. Watch when Harry met sally. Cry and eat ice cream. Let yourself feel those emotions. Just don't let them destroy you.
- Date posted
- 6y
Man, I wish I had a friend like you IRL. Do you think there's any benefit in trying to salvage it or call again (after he replies and some time passes) or is that just toxic behavior? In the past when we've fallen out I haven't "fought for him" per say as hard as I feel like doing now because I wanted him to have his freedom and to respect his wishes, but he later told me he wanted me to because when I didn't he felt like I didn't want to be with him/he wasn't good for me. I don't want to act like a crazy person any more than I already have, I mean I already embarrasingly tried so so hard to get him to stay over the phone. But I just don't want to lose this person. He's my best friend. We're LDR (not too far, we see each other for a weekend every 2 weeks or so) and I was going to pay his way home in a few short days and we could have worked it all out if we were together in person. It's so hard. As someone who is married you're surely a lot wiser than me
- Date posted
- 6y
Same. Recently I've been struggling with the permanence of everyone I know being long distance. think take a few days. Then reassess. Right now everything is so emotional. You need to take some time to step back and be able to see it more logically. If he said he wanted you to fight then I would. What more do you have to lose. Then at least you'll know you gave it absolutely everything. I would see in a few days if he's willing to talk in person. Plan out what you say and how you feel so that you can remain as level headed as possible. My husband was deployed twice so I have done long distance. It's not easy. Especially after a partner has cheated. Rebuilding trust from a distance is one of the hardest things possible. Also if I don't respond after this it's because I work early but I will definitely respond in the morning. My advice. If you can't sleep take a bath and watch a movie or read a book. I also have a love of podcasts. They're good for insomnia because they are enough to get my mind off the stress but not so much that I can't sleep.
- Date posted
- 6y
I just woke up, feeling worse than ever after a long night of sobbing. I think I might take your advice and somehow give it one last calm effort to talk to him and see if it's saveable but my hopes aren't too high and I just don't know how to do it. After the messages I sent that I told you about he hasn't replied so it's a waiting game unless I decide to reach out again. I'm in shock and can't figure out my next move. :(
- Date posted
- 6y
Can I ask a personal question?
- Date posted
- 6y
Of course
- Date posted
- 6y
You said that previous to this you were struggling. Struggling how?
- Date posted
- 6y
Depression and emotional instability and OCD rumination mostly, some family issues, I'm not happy with where I am in life at this time but he and I had plans to move in together soon and it seemed like that was the light at the end of the tunnel. That's about as best as I can sum it up
- Date posted
- 6y
Was he aware of these feelings?
- Date posted
- 6y
Very much so, I blame it for most of the issues
- Date posted
- 6y
Maybe it was too much pressure for him to be the only good thing.
- Date posted
- 6y
I agree with you entirely
- Date posted
- 5y
I thought I'd give you a 3 week update. I asked him to talk the next day and he said he didn't think it was a good idea right then. We've had no contact since, I left it at that. Since I talked to you last, I've started therapy, I'm taking an art class, and today I got a new job. The last thing you said really stuck with me, and it pushed me to start making these changes. I made him my only good thing and it wasn't sustainable. I still hope for a future with him, but in the meantime I'm trying to create my own life to tell about. I can't thank you enough, really.
- Date posted
- 5y
This really touched my heart. I'm so happy for you. Work on you. You deserve it. Maybe you can make me somethung in art class one day! I could use some color in my life! Everything will fall into place!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
My terror seems like it's become a reality. Last night when I asked him if he loved me (we both used to do that before he became really distant), he said he'd think about it. I thought he was joking, but when I checked to make sure, he just said "Good night." L-like, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?? Anyway, cried for a good hour/hour-and-a-half while hurting m*self cuz ya'know, I must have done something for him to be questioning whether he loves me or not. I'm too emotional? Jump to conclusions sometimes? I'm annoying? I'm too much?? I don't know why and it's driving me insane. I'm gonna try and call with him today but, I'm not eating anything. ROCD has made everything Reality. 😢😰😓
- Date posted
- 24w
Longer post, but please, I need some guidance. I thought that my thoughts relating to relationship OCD were taking over. But, my bf started treating me differently. I tried to have a conversation and communicate this worry. He then texted me that he had actually been feeling distant for a month and has been meaning to tell me. But “we’re fine now.” I spiraled. Later in the week, he went quiet after a disagreement. After he promised we were okay and he was okay, I found later he was texting a mutual friend (female) that I was crying again. She said that it was fucking insane and other hurtful things about me. He said he lost his trust with me because I looked through his phone and saw that message even though during the whole relationship we had a mutual understanding that we had nothing to hide from each other and he always assured me that I could look through his phone at anytime. It’s ok for boundaries to change in a relationship, but it wasn’t communicated and I was harshly reprimanded. During the texting chain with the mutual friend he also said that “she just has no idea.” When I addressed this, he then said that for the past month, he actually felt he didn’t want to be in a relationship, but still loved me. I’m ruined. I had the same thoughts in January and knew I loved him. I found out it was ROCD (through this app) and told him the day after the realization because it was eating at me. So him saying I wouldn’t understand and telling other seems unjustified. I would’ve been the most understanding. Any help would be appreciated greatly.
- Date posted
- 16w
im not diagnosed but for the past five years i've been seeing A LOT of ocd symptoms in myself. i kinda accepted that i might have it and learning about people's experiences helped me a lot. i was in a really bad place when i was 16 but at some point i got better (so i thought) I've lost one relationship and i healed from loosing it and then i fell in love again. we we're together for a year and six months. i was really happy for most of the time but unfortunately we we're both not really stable mentally and we both had some mental issues. i helped my girlfriend and i supported her the best i could. she managed to move in in my city and we started living together november. at first it still was her who had a lot of issues (probably depression and being very suicidal) i was struggling and i was really stressed but i tried my best to help. i think eventually she got better in january everything was happening all at once. i've lost my job and we had to move out to a different apartment and in the same time she gained new friends at work. earlier my ocd was showing up occasionally but since that time i think it got kinda worse. i have very low self esteem and when my girlfriend got really close with one girl in her work i started feeling uneasy. i never wanted to be a jelous and controlling girlfriend but my head was constantly telling me "she's will get bored of you bc of her new friend" "she's starting to care more about her than you" and it was unbearable. we talked about it few times and she tried to reassure me but at some point i saw she's not feeling good about my self doubt and being jelous. months passed and everything was getting worse. she become more and more distant, she stopped showing me any affection, she stopped asking me on a dates, she stopped flirting and even on my birthday i had to please her to stop texting someone and focus on a movie we were watching. and now two days ago she broke up with me. few days earlier we had a serious talk and she told me she doesn't feel like doing anything romantic with me anymore and when i asked why she told me she thinks she got tired of me. i asked her what about me makes her tired and she told me "it's because you can't do and cope with anything" or smth like that (its hard to translate it to English). and i understand that it could be tiring bc i was doing bad mentally and i asked for reassurance a lot even tho i knew it's my compulsion and even tho i told her i will try not to. i am also a very anxious person and i was really stressed aboud my new job and money and a lot of things and all of it made her tired. i feel so guilty that i couldn't try harder. i feel so guilty for not noticing I'm actually loosing her earlier. or maybe i actually was noticing it by being scared when she started to be mkre excited to spend time with her friend rather than me? i don't know i just feel so bad bc i still love her and i don't know if I can't stop bit i already asked her few times if she's sure that this is what she wants and i told her i will try harder and i booked a visit with a psychiatrist but she told me she's too tired to try. im scared she's also struggling mentally. i don't really know what i even want to hear from you guys i just really want to disappear bc i can't stop blaming myself for loosing my soulmate and the best person in the entire world, the most beautiful, funny and sweet person. she doesn't need me anymore. she doesn't want me and it hurts ass hell. and the fact that it might be all my fault hurt even more
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