Out of nowhere my boyfriend of 4 years left me for no reason, over the phone, about 2 hours ago. He just said it wasn't working. I feel so sad that I'm considering checking myself into a mental health facility. It feels like it's all my fault for being distant due to how much I'm struggling with my mental health. I don't know what to do.

Want to talk about it?

Maybe when you talk you can let him know that you plan to work on yourself and on finding other good things. I think it would help both of you. I've been the person who is the only good thing in someone's life. It's a lot of pressure.

If you have time :( haha

Most definitely. First I would try and take some deep breaths. It can be really overwhelming all the emotions at once and heavy breathing just makes it worse.

If you genuinely feel that checking yourself in would be the most helpful thing for you then you should do it. But if you think you can work through it. Then I would try too.

Thank you so much. I'm a college student so checking myself in would be a big deal and I'm scared but it's something I'm considering if it gets worse not better over the next few days. I've never loved anyone or anything like him and (bad to say) there's nothing else in this world that makes me happy like him. I stayed through a cheating spell or two, and over the last year we've been solidly doing well. I pushed him out due to my own issues and I wasn't the best girlfriend all the time. I just want him to change his mind so badly. I messaged him and told him to know that I love him and that he didn't have to do it, and that I believed in him and what we could do together. But it seems like it's really over this time. Everything I was looking forward to and working towards was our relationship. I have nothing to be excited about amymore if it's truly over.

I'm also college student aged but married. The past year I've really been focusing on who and what I give my energy too. How much of it I give etc. You are strong for staying through everything with him. Acknowledge that. Acknowledge that you tried your best for your relationship. Do not discourage yourself and try to place blame. You are allowed to take time for yourself. That shouldn't affect him. At the same time that you acknowledge being strong. Acknowledge you don't always have to be. Crying is healthy. Being sad is healthy. It just happened. It's okay to be hurt. It's just up to you how long you want it to make you sad. Watch when Harry met sally. Cry and eat ice cream. Let yourself feel those emotions. Just don't let them destroy you.

Man, I wish I had a friend like you IRL. Do you think there's any benefit in trying to salvage it or call again (after he replies and some time passes) or is that just toxic behavior? In the past when we've fallen out I haven't "fought for him" per say as hard as I feel like doing now because I wanted him to have his freedom and to respect his wishes, but he later told me he wanted me to because when I didn't he felt like I didn't want to be with him/he wasn't good for me. I don't want to act like a crazy person any more than I already have, I mean I already embarrasingly tried so so hard to get him to stay over the phone. But I just don't want to lose this person. He's my best friend. We're LDR (not too far, we see each other for a weekend every 2 weeks or so) and I was going to pay his way home in a few short days and we could have worked it all out if we were together in person. It's so hard. As someone who is married you're surely a lot wiser than me

Same. Recently I've been struggling with the permanence of everyone I know being long distance. think take a few days. Then reassess. Right now everything is so emotional. You need to take some time to step back and be able to see it more logically. If he said he wanted you to fight then I would. What more do you have to lose. Then at least you'll know you gave it absolutely everything. I would see in a few days if he's willing to talk in person. Plan out what you say and how you feel so that you can remain as level headed as possible. My husband was deployed twice so I have done long distance. It's not easy. Especially after a partner has cheated. Rebuilding trust from a distance is one of the hardest things possible. Also if I don't respond after this it's because I work early but I will definitely respond in the morning. My advice. If you can't sleep take a bath and watch a movie or read a book. I also have a love of podcasts. They're good for insomnia because they are enough to get my mind off the stress but not so much that I can't sleep.

I just woke up, feeling worse than ever after a long night of sobbing. I think I might take your advice and somehow give it one last calm effort to talk to him and see if it's saveable but my hopes aren't too high and I just don't know how to do it. After the messages I sent that I told you about he hasn't replied so it's a waiting game unless I decide to reach out again. I'm in shock and can't figure out my next move. :(

Can I ask a personal question?

Of course

You said that previous to this you were struggling. Struggling how?

Depression and emotional instability and OCD rumination mostly, some family issues, I'm not happy with where I am in life at this time but he and I had plans to move in together soon and it seemed like that was the light at the end of the tunnel. That's about as best as I can sum it up

Was he aware of these feelings?

Very much so, I blame it for most of the issues

Maybe it was too much pressure for him to be the only good thing.

I agree with you entirely

I thought I'd give you a 3 week update. I asked him to talk the next day and he said he didn't think it was a good idea right then. We've had no contact since, I left it at that. Since I talked to you last, I've started therapy, I'm taking an art class, and today I got a new job. The last thing you said really stuck with me, and it pushed me to start making these changes. I made him my only good thing and it wasn't sustainable. I still hope for a future with him, but in the meantime I'm trying to create my own life to tell about. I can't thank you enough, really.