Triggered from tiktok pure ocd/harm ocd

I saw this stupid TikTok about ‘sanpaku’ eyes and different eyes and what they mean and it showed these serial killers and how white shows at the top of their eyes and they pull a shocked expression and it’s like a psychotic look they pull and then I started pulling faces in the mirror like widening my eyes like in those pictures and then last night I was doing it infront of a mirror and I don’t know why I done it for a long time and quite a few times and it got to the point where I was staring so hard into the mirror pulling that face thag I literally felt demented or literally felt in that moment that I’m actually evil and the fact I felt like I wanted to pull that psychotic face like it felt like I actually wanted to pull the face and imagine that about myself and I know I use to test myself a lot with thoughts but this literally felt real like there’s something wrong with me and then it felt like something inside me wanted to smile and that I’m ‘holding back a smile or happiness’ like it almost felt like I enjoyed pulling that face and trying to imagine I’m evil and then I’m think there’s some people who try to imitate these evil killers and why do I keep doing things like this like I have no reason to be pulling those faces and Idk if I’m confused but it felt like I almost ‘enjoyed’ imaging that about myself or pulling those faces. Now it feels like I’m obsessed with doing that eye widening thing and throughout the day I keep doing it and the fact it felt so real that I’m evil or it almost felt like I got mesmerised looking at my face pulling that expression in the mirror like I kept staring and it felt like I wanted to pull that face but why would I want to see myself pulling a psychotic/Demeted face and someone asked me something like are you experimenting and trying to see how you feel if your evil or how those evil people feel but that literally sounds like something someone evil would do now it feels like I’m addicted to pulling that face and I don’t get anxiety I just felt demented in that moment of pulling that face what does this mean? Idk how to deal with this and I get no anxiety or anything anymore like why am I trying to imagine myself being evil or model myself on these evil people it’s almost like I’m trying my best to convince myself I’m evil instead of trying to prove I’m not or what if it’s because I actually am evil or want to be someone said you would know to you wanted to be and I say to them I literally don’t know if I’m like that or want that I’ve become so confused before I knew I didn’t but now I don’t. Even know what I feel someone said to me ‘do you feel happy imaging those things or you would know if you like it’ and it feels like I don’t even know because I’m believing it so much and the face I’ve been pulling since I watched that TikTok literally Looks so demented like I actually look evil and it feels like it’s stained me doing that face like I feel like I’m actually evil because of pulling that face

Jay08

Date posted: 1y

Same thing happened to me, my OcD started 1 month ago when I was seeing thing on TikTok about schizophrenia and psychosis and my mine just flipped like I need to start acting like one! It’s horrible 😞 and I just can’t I feel like all my OcD I repeated to that like if I had diagnosed myself with schizophrenia and psychosis 😧

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Jay🫶🏽 Social media is the worst sometimes but the thing is I have gotten use to ocd and literally feel nothing like not anxiety no nothing to let me know I don’t like It 😭😭

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Jay🫶🏽 And I keep getting this weird feeling as if I’m actually feeling happy or enjoying these thoughts or secretly happy ? Like is that real how can I confuse an emotion it must be real? 😭😭

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I want to talk to someone harm ocd, really 🙁

I’m out of energy my cod feels at its worst I actually feel like I’m bad and there is something wrong with me I feel numb I can’t cry or be anxious over anything and I don’t know what to do because I don’t feel normal now it feels like I’m bad. I had this stabbing thought which I after started deliberately imaging to test myself but instead it felt like I like the feeling and know how it feels to stab someone then I was getting this feeling that I liked it wanted it or would enjoy it and it felt extremely real like i wanted it because it would feel ‘good’ I cant explain it but it suddenly felt like I enjoy or want it almost like I wanted to feel the feeling of doing that bad thing because I ‘like it’ I have no energy I can’t get over that feeling because it now felt like I actually wanted it I don’t know what is going on I’m worrying now I will actually want that to know how it is or as if I’ve discovered what evil people like or why they enjoy it and now I’m so lost and confused and I feel numb I don’t even know if I want or don’t want it and people always say with ocd they feel like they want it but they know deep down it’s against their morals or they would never do that but it literally feels like I don’t know now and it felt like a real feeling that I thought there was something good or enjoyable about doing that thing and I’m concerned I’ve had ocd for 2/3 years now and I’ve gone through crying and being upset and all the different emotions of having it and now I’m experiencing this and worried if I’ve changed and what if I’m actually evil now or have come to like evil things from imagining it and I want to talk to someone I don’t know what to do the other day it felt really real that it was about to happen and that I wanted to and I was getting this sick feeling that I was happy or liked it. Please I need advice I can’t get over this and move on because it feels like it wasn’t ocd and that feeling still happens and how can I ignore it and even if I try to ignore it I can’t because it felt real that I liked it and now it feels like there’s no going back if it felt like I actually liked it 🙁🙁

lu22

Date posted: 23w

No therapy, harm ocd need advice Asap please

I keep getting these horrible feelings come back that make me feel down or like my life isn’t the same. It feels almost like someone is holding you over the edge of a cliff and sometimes they pull you back and you feel safe and the next minute they dangle you back over and you feel like there is a big problem again. I feel like I can’t forget how it felt it made me feel like I’m actually evil and I wanted it and enjoyed it and I can’t be normal now. I feel like I don’t even know what I want. I try to forget and be normal but when I do it feels like how do I know I don’t actually want to be evil because it felt like that? And now it feels like what if that’s my true nature and I’m denying it and that makes me feel like well if I’m debating about whether I am or not maybe I actually do want it? I try to live normally but I can’t because I have ‘this’ problem. The thoughts were about stabbing and it felt like it was actually about to happen and I got this weird feeling that felt like I was suddenly really happy about it and discovered why evil people enjoy doing evil things and now I can’t get over that feeling emotion?? Because now I’m thinking how can I forget it felt like that?? And that feeling must still be there I’m jsut not looking for it like maybe if I sat there imagining those thoughts again maybe that feeling would come back ?? I don’t know what to do or who I am I don’t even know if I’m sad or if I’m worried or if I’m good or if I wanted that bad thing but that feeling has really affected me like I don’t know if I want to he evil or not and now I’m worried maybe I was impressed by that feeling what if I want that feeling again because it feels good what if because I felt like I was happy or enjoyed it now I want that again I’m so confused ?? What if evil people enjoy it and I’ve realised why they enjoy it and now I want that feeling again? I don’t know what to do

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Triggered from tiktok pure ocd/harm ocd

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