rocd

ever since my rocd started nothing w my bf has felt the same. i constantly overthink my feelings and if ive lost feelings or if ive just lost the spark and am unable to regain it. sometimes i look back at old texts and pictures and remember how it used to make me feel when i didnt struggle with my rocd and i cant even resonate w that feeling anymore despite wanting to so badly. of course i do not want to lose feelings and any indication that i do feels like the end of the world to me. but every single day i continue to fixate on trying to feel something genuine in the moment or just how i feel about him overall and i can't feel what i want to feel which simply continues my ocd cycle. it makes me notice other people too who i dont even want to notice and i cant tell how much of it is ocd bcs some of it feels like it comes before my ocd thoughts hit. and even on my best days when i'm not struggling it's still there and whatever i do feel, i think it's forced or not the same. i want some hope that i'll eventually be able to go back to how i used to be or that it'll start to feel gwnuine and like the butterfly inducing crush i used to have on him all the time. can someone please give me some advice i'm losing hope and i'm having a severe episode :(

Username: lizxxlizxx

Date posted: 27w ago

I have gone though this & so has many other people.. don’t worry! My advice on what I did was I stayed with my current boyfriend and talked to him about how I was feeling like all my thoughts and explained to him that it’s just the ocd and he completely understood. If you don’t wanna mention anything to him than I would say really look at your relationship does it make you happy or are you not happy at all that’s a huge indication to me.. but mostly don’t give up!! Try doing somethings that you enjoy doing together, try to be more talkative, just keep on pushing and just remember it’s just the ocd triggering your thoughts! you will be okay!! keep going(:

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 27w ago

@lizziewhelton55 i am def going to stay w him bcs not being w him feels awful and like the end of my world!!! its just that when things r going well i constantly overthink and cant just enjoy it like i used to. and for this man i would endure all this and still try my best to make him happy but i want some hope it won't always be like this bcs i want to enjoy it like he does and how i used to before my ocd. i don't want to feel all the positive love feelings go away and then have to question what that means 24/7. he does know abt my ocd but i dont wanna tell him every thought i have abt other guys or negative thoughts abt him bcs i dont want to tear him down in case he doesnt get it. i just need some hope that this will go away i cant keep living like this its like episode after episode. and not being w him would only make things worse bcs i would be in the worst pain so idek

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 27w ago

@lizziewhelton55 and then i wonder what if my ocd makes it so that it feels like the end of the world if my relationship ends. what if i dont even actually care that much and if i didnt have ocd it wld already be over or that i wouldnt have hurt. bcs part of the reason i stay is bcs i define my love by the pain i feel wheb hes away from me. but whst if that pain is just bcs if my ocd so that love isnt even real? it goes on and on in cycles i just want it to stop

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 25w ago

@Anonymous hey I just saw this and I've been feeling the EXACT same way. I'm looking for some hope. did it get better? how'd you do it?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 25w ago

@Anonymous i talked to my therapist about it and she made this comparison. she had a water bottle and she said is this from kirkland is it from some other brand? doesn't matter, it's still water. essentially if u like the feeling, ur ocd will make u question if its real or ocd bcs it wants to convince u its not real bcs thats ur fear. but the truth is, ocd or not, the feeling is a feeling u like and it's there. so that's all that matters, if it's not intrusive. ur goal is to either embrace or be completely neutral to ur ocd so u should kinda try and trick ur brain into being like ok so what if it is ocd and what if it isn't? and move on with wtv u were going to do

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 25w ago

@Anonymous thank you so much for replying. it really did help that point of view. it's just I'm so tired of not being able to live things just as normal people do and having to fight with this forever. it's exhausting😭

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 25w ago

@Anonymous me toooo i watched a podcast recently that said it might help to convjnce urself ur not actually in danger when ur thinking abt stuff like genuinely embrace the distress. yes ur ocd will keep trying to get to u at first so don't give into it but rather, embrace it as part of ur healing. like for example, maybe wherever u are is EXACTLY where ur supposed to be in ur path! it doesn't make the thoughts true but rather the fact that u have those thoughts learning to challenge them become neutral etc. and ur completely safe. also like i learned to be grateful for that distress. it feels like shit but it gives me a chance to practice my erp techniques such as being an observe and practicing mindfulness. every morning i started watching a video on mindfulness for ocd (its like less than 10 minutes it just helps for the morning anxiety u can find it on youtube). in general i just try to challenge the negativity by becoming neutral like there r goods and bads. it helped me a lot cause i was where u were

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 27w ago

hey! that was my first ocd episode, actually what triggered it awaking. I felt exactly the same as you, when we were about 2 years into the relationship. I'd say what's going on is absolutely normal and people without ocd wouldn't worry about it, knowing feelings change, relationships evolve a go though phases, and maybe por a couple of months you'll feel less intensely and then regain it. it's impossible not to in a long relationship! however, having ocd makes us to hyperfixate on the slightest thing that could mean danger (in this case, losing the relationship), so we're constantly checking and if there's no 'love', then boom! ruminating and anxiety. and those are incompatible with feeling love, you cannot feel the 2 of them at the same time. so I'd say stay with your intrude thoughts knowing there just trying to convince you there is a problem that's not real and you should do something about it, which you shouldn't. you sound like you really want to stay in your relationship, that's why you worry so much. so listen to that and stick to your values. you got this. ps. that happened a year ago, and once the ocd went away I got my 'love' back. not the same one as the first months of relationship, but a new one. that's normal. I have gone though a similar episode a couple months back, but always gone back to 'loving ' hope this helps🖤

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 25w ago

@Anonymous i never saw this but thank you soo much, this was actually insanely helpful!! can u share some techniques u used to rid urself of the ocd i'm in the process definitely doing better but always open to hearing more ways :)

Username: PinkLotus

Date posted: 2y ago

When my soocd and rocd first hit hard, it really shattered my world and the kind of stability I had in life before the constant fear of losing the one I love. When I got my first job, I buried myself in the idea that I was too busy to deal with it anymore, it helped that I started school and got a pet hedgehog as well. But some nights it hits me that this hasn’t gone away at all, I don’t spend night after night or day after day stuck in the same thoughts anymore but I feel so cold inside like I’m not worth anything and like I don’t deserve the love and attraction I think I once felt for my sweet boyfriend. I feel like the fact that I can’t “feel” those feelings for him anymore that I’ve spent so long chasing means I don’t deserve him, I feel like even though the great anxiety has stopped I’m still trying to chase down that love feeling and how it “should” feel instead of just feeling it for what it is. I’m still terrified that if I let go of my walls that I’ll realize I don’t love him and lose him. It’s hurting me bad and making me resort to bad coping mechanisms. I’m starting to seek out validation again and craving that rush of infatuation when in reality the only one I want is my boyfriend. For almost a year and a half I obsessed about sexual attraction, it’s really affected my intimate life. I have self-esteem issues about my body, my “skills”, fear of not liking it enough and false expectations just all cause me to not feel much in my body and it makes me horribly sad. My boyfriend says I need to accept the possibility that the things I fear could be true and that I could be with someone else but it’s so hard because I really don’t want that but the longer I fight it the further away I feel from him. I didn’t think ocd could be this complex and cause such havoc on my life. I kind of miss when I felt extreme anxiety every day and had the same thoughts over and over because at least then it was easier to know it was my mind games at work. Now it just feels like I’m sabotaging myself daily by chasing the feelings of love I want. I don’t want to ruin this otherwise healthy relationship, my boyfriend is my best friend and I still want that. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like a lot of people just have the obsessiveness and I’m here trying to deal with the side effects of the after math and it makes me feel so alone

Username: lilbill

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD

My rocd flared up around the time my girlfriend and i were starting the process of getting an apartment. At the start, I was very excited and so happy to be moving together. then my mind kept thinking “she’s not going to let you have any say in anything, she doesn’t want you decorating, you guys don’t like the same things” and i started to believe that, which eventually led to me saying all that. and from there on, it gradually got worse. I started having thoughts like “do i even love her? am i in love with her? having i been faking it this entire time? do i have feelings for anymore? etc” and then i would have thoughts of breaking up and i’d get so anxious. now i wake up every morning thinking “i don’t love her, i don’t want to be in a relationship with her” and i get sooooo anxious. i know i love her, i know i don’t want to break up with her, i know the apartment is something i genuinely want, i just can’t feel any of it right now. every time i think of breaking up, i try to imagine my life without her and it doesn’t seem right. i genuinely can’t imagine not being with her. my feelings and thoughts before all this were very much happy and healthy, like i was smitten but now my thoughts affect me everyday, they’re all i think about. it’s all i research, i talk about it too much to other people, the thoughts are making me feel like i’m faking everything. does anyone have tips. i just want to feel like i used to feel

Relationship OCD

Username: purpleturtle730

Date posted: 33w ago

rocd

rocd is ruining me and my life and my relationship. i feel so disconnected from my boyfriend bc of it and it’s so frustrating but i also feel so numb that i can’t even feel frustrated or upset or anxious or anything bad when the bad thoughts come bc it’s been so excessive over the past couple of months. i don’t feel anything like i use to and i just wish i could love him peacefully and purely the way i use to with no worry or doubt. i feel like he deserves better bc my mind is constantly telling me i want someone else secretly or makes over analyze anything and everything with him or about him and creates so much doubt in my mind. it feels so real to the point that i feel like i’m betraying him and even though i’m not actually DOING anything to him or behind his back or anything it feels like i would be lying and deceiving him to continue being a good girlfriend and just being good to him if that makes sense. like when i’m actually with him or talking to him it’s mostly good im not thinking badly too much but as soon as he’s gone it all comes and it feels like i’m hiding a different, bad, personality from him when he’s not around. he’s such a good person and i’ve done everything to be so good to him bc i want to and he deserves it all. but inside i feel like don’t know myself at all anymore. i want to get past it but i feel like even if i do i’ll feel like i’m hiding a past betrayal from him. i don’t want to lose him. can anyone help with any of this or share ways they’ve gotten past this.

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