Non-romantic relationships

Does anyone else experience obsessions regarding a particular person? Where this person kind of takes up a lot of your time and you feel almost addicted to like looking at pictures of them or trying to be like them and stuff? It’s almost like theres a compulsion to find out things about them or see a picture of them or whatever. I usually find that these people are women who I admire (celebrities or people older/more accomplished than I am) and want to be like. I feel like a huge loser and a monster sometimes, and because these people are women it has greatly contributed to my HOCD.? Idk anyone could relate at all to this?

Has anyone else had OCD over a person?? In an ugly, anxious way?? Like obsessing over their appearance and what people think of them because you don’t want them to have any good??? I know that sounds awful and I FEEL awful, but I just can’t help it. Don’t know how it was triggered, but I think it usually starts when I think people are full of themselves/narcissistic... I just feel alone :(

Sometimes I feel like I’ll never be able to have a healthy relationship with a significant other because every time I enter one my ocd kicks in and I end up becoming the toxic one. They get tired of always trying to reassure me and I know they aren’t supposed to but they also don’t care to know that. I’m just so sad and so miserable I wish the guy I loved loved me the way I love him. I wish he cared about me. But I also wish I could let him go. But I’m just so obsessed with the idea of us I can’t let it go and it’s driving me crazy.