i’m ruminating on odd past mistakes i made and i feel so terrible and feel like i am going to be punished for them one way or another. it’s things from 6+ years ago to things that happened literally last year. i feel sick and feel like the nastiest person for my mistakes, my ocd has been latching onto my moral compass and attacking it like crazy :( idk what to do :(
I’ve been experiencing the same thing for the past month. Just remember that what you did in the past does NOT define who you are today. Everyone in this world makes mistakes that they are not proud of. The main reason that we’re latching on to these mistakes and making big deals out of them is because we have OCD. And with OCD, our minds will do everything in its power to make us think we’re bad people. Give yourself grace. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. You’re not a terrible person and the fact that you feel remorse and are trying to change shows how much of a great person you are. Please forgive yourself!! If you knew then what you knew now, you wouldn’t have made those mistakes!!
@Justagirla thank you for your reply, it’s like logically i understand my ocd is at play but i just can’t seem to accept/comprehend that, and it sucks because i’ll spend HOURS ruminating and being sad.
@vaIentine I understand! Most times, I know that my OCD is what’s causing me so much shame and discomfort, but that’s still not enough to stop me from ruminating. You’ll get through this!! I’m sending love and hugs your way.
@vaIentine - Thank you
@vaIentine - Thank you
Yes that is my experience from earlier today to decades ago to last week. I feel some one is going to get me for it all wether it be; God, satan, the police, a customer, an employee, an attorney, my therapist, a family member, church member, a general member of my community, a driver on the road, the CHP, my city government. I fear that my small town will strap a big letter A on me and beat me in the public square. These are all components of the disease. They can all have some kind of truth to them. I might be speeding, doing something illegal but at some level accepted by many, or doing something my spouse doesn't know about that would shock her. All can be scary but does't mean that I shouldn't aspire to recovery. Should can be a shame word but shouldn't isn't being used in this case to shame me or you.
@Anonymous thank you for your response, you’re right - my past mistakes and feelings i get from them shouldn’t stop me from recovering and becoming the best i can be. thank you for those words, they are very motivating :).
There are my pasts which I am not proud of and make huge mistakes.......now after so long suddenly these memories are coming back to me.....getting a worse anxiety...and feeling shit about myself...I don't think so I can ever forgive my self It turns me to a bad person...I don't know what to do.....how to live anymore..Is this even normal in OCD....or it's not my OCD...I don't know how to correct my past..
Can real event ocd, or ocd in general make you feel bad for something you did that was actually wrong? I keep thinking about things I’ve done in the past that are defiantly wrong and shitty things. But I’ve never really thought of them before. I knew they were terrible things, and I’ve not gone back since. Maybe 10+ years ago (when I was 19-21). I thought real event ocd was your brain taking things that are trivial and twisting them to make you seem bad. In these cases I’ve grown as a person l, I’m really not proud of myself and hope to never go back to that place. Is this ocd, or am I suddenly just feeling remorse for being a terrible person? I just feel the need to confess to my wife again, even though she knows most of it.
Does anyone struggle with real event ocd and having to confess to their partner? I have so many regrets on things I’ve either done or thought and feel like I can’t move on or be better until I’ve been forgiven for them. Mostly things that happened a couple years ago and I don’t know why it’s all of a sudden bothering me now but it makes me feel like I’m the worst person ever. I’m even questioning how I thought or felt during that time and I’m confessing to thoughts or things I may or may not have done or thought. It’s so confusing and I feel trapped in my own head. If anyone has any tips I would appreciate it. Thank you for you time
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