How can I be gay if I enjoy and crave sex with my boyfriend???

Also hocd: maybe he just looks a bit like a woman?? I once told him about this one and he just laughed and didn’t dignify it with an answer lol

Oh I know what you mean. The moment you find a safe stepping stone, something you’re comfortable with, ocd immediately infiltrates it. For me it was a thought “ok, I’m only scared of having sex with some stranger, but if I truly loved someone of my own gender, it wouldn’t be so bad, right?” then bam, I’m obsessing that I “have a crush” on my best friend which I allegedly somehow never noticed for like 10 years, and now I’m in love all of a sudden. Riiight

SAMEEEE

Sorry for TMI, but I can literally masturbate to a memory of sex with my husband, but I still struggle with hocd. hocd is like but maybe you tricked yourself into liking sex with him? Maybe for you it’s just a learned reflex?

Litterally! Me too! I can think about an intimate moment we had and get excited. But for some reason my brain is just like "bitch that don't prove anything, you're still gay whether you like it or not"

I plan on marrying my boyfriend in the next 2 years and he's been my rock. Would love some of an insiders perspective

Congrats on finding the right guy! I think as always, communication and trusting each other is key to a good relationship. My husband has issues too, he’s insecure a bit and suffers from social anxiety. So I support him, and he me.

YES! I'm at this point where I would be comfortable being bisexual. Like I actually felt a relief when I told myself this, my attraction to men came back and I acknowledged that I found women attractive too. Lol, I should've known better to think my problems would be solved. NOPE! my brain started telling me that Im lying to myself that I only like women and I'm forcing myself to like men and it's seriously draining me out. I had chronic panic attacks for like 3 days straight and now I'm just numb and depersonalized from reality ? my brain was like "time tah go". The thoughts are still there but I don't even know how to react to them anymore ?

That's exactly it. He's taught me that I shouldn't fear being too open with him, it's definitely made our bond stronger ♥️ are you seeking therapy?

I’m happy to hear you’re so happy together ☺️ Yes, I’ve just recently realized that my current therapist who is not a CBT practitioner can’t help me with ocd, so now I’m searching for someone who can.

OMG YES SO I'M NOT ALONE WITH THIS PROBLEM! I cant enjoy anything without a thought popping in about my sexuality ?? female aquaintences that I never thought anything of, are suddenly my my crushes??? I can't take myself seriously anymore. Like, I cant even recognize where my real thoughts are anymore because my OCD talks sooo much shit it's unreal ?

Yeah, I don't think my therapist is specialized in OCD either and I might have to find someone else. My OCD really started to get worse after seeing my therapist actually.. Because we started talking about my past and my brain was like "oh good, more proof". My therapist and I legit just talk about being mindful and my past and that's it. So it was really just a disaster waiting to happen

Also, how is your husband taking this theme of HOCD? Has it made you depressed and anxious thinking about this topic?

Well I started with coming out to him as bisexual, than crying and telling him I didn’t mean it which confused him at first. But I’ve had a history with cancer OCD which he’s been an unfortunate victim of so he realized that ‘homosexuality is the new cancer’ earlier than I did. Then I felt a thousand times better that I could tell him all about my fears and he provided me with reassurance which helped at first, but of course I craved more and more of it :( Now we try to stay away from reassurance of any kind, because it makes him sad that what he says to me doesn’t stick for long. But of course when I’m panicking he is there for me. I can only imagine how exhausting it is for him though:(

I mean I guess everyone has some issues, right?

Oh yes, ruminations about my past is the worst trigger for me. I’ve learned to accept shit that pops up in my head when I see stuff in real life in the present and don’t make much of it, but since I can’t change my past reactions, it’s wearing me out. And I think the reason I’ve remembered this old fear is exactly because I’m happily married and we were trying for a baby actually. And it didn’t happen immediately, and I started thinking about something being wrong with me, like I am not a real woman and all that

Yup, it's quite the coincidence that OCD targets you and the most important things in your life. And just ruins everything and doesn't let you have nice things ?

The ruminating about my past has got me to where I am right now. Thoroughly convinced that I've been lying to myself my whole life. Do you think CBT can reverse this thought?