18+

This may make someone uncomfortable So I struggled with a porn addiction for 5 years, and so far I’m almost a month clean. I’m really happy for myself, but I still feel really ashamed because of the kind of porn I was watching. I started watching really extreme things that make me feel disgusted with myself and caused me to question if I’m even a good person. I’m scared that I would be attracted to that stuff in real life. I’ve been ruminating all day. I haven’t eaten, I have no appetite, and I’m so so ashamed. Btw, the content that I was watching had absolutely nothing to do with children or animals. But it was definitely extreme. I’m terrified of being attracted to the porn that I watched in real life. I’ve even been testing myself by imaging those scenarios that I watched in porn, and it’s only making me more anxious but I seriously can’t stop.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

Hello. Ive struggled with porn addiction as well and it has made me regret a ton of things. Unfortunately I can easily remember the things I've watched and it does bother me and make me feel guilty. I just try to tell myself that it was in the past, this all started when I was very young and impressionable and that I have changed. A lot of people have expressed the same thing that you have with porn and I don't think it makes us bad people. A loooot of us around the world have watched porn in some way, and it's overall easy to see more extreme things in the media. If anything, it can be the new norm. The longer you go without watching that stuff, the easier it is to see that you wouldn't want to do that stuff in real life. We only watch those things because the usual content is boring to our minds and we need something that is on another level to give us the same dopamine hit. That's how porn addiction works. It's called escalation. Your OCD is making this a lot tougher for you to deal with. Please don't skip meals and don't be too hard on yourself. It's easier said than done, I know.

Justagirla

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 Your comment was really helpful, but I’m honestly terrified right now. Are you 100% sure that you don’t want to act out the things that you saw in porn??! In my post, I was talking about having a fart fetish. I’m terrified that I could develop it or possibly have it right now. Because of porn escalation, I ended up watching fart videos and I ended up getting aroused by it (tmi, I’m so sorry). I do not watch porn at all anymore and the smell of farts in real life disgusts me. And now, I’m scared that if I were to try anything fart related in a sexual context (which I don’t plan on doing), that I would enjoy it. This scares me sooo much and I might have another panic attack. I was researching it because I had anxiety and someone said that they found out they had a fart fetish by simply watching fart videos and enjoying them. Why did I have to go research it

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

@Justagirla What you went through is just what happens with watching a lot of pornography. Eventually you're going to escalate to different levels of porn and develop porn induced fetishes that you end up liking in the moment but not for real. You clearly don't want to have a fart fetish. This is very common when watching porn. I've seen so many posts of straight men watching more gay pornography because that's what they've escalated to. Or one user escalating to incest themed material. It's all through watching so many videos and upping the stakes of the content. Unfortunately I get intrusive thoughts about this kind of stuff because I've seen so many different things through porn addiction but I'm positive I wouldn't want to act on any of those things even if I were to get false thoughts. Not saying you would you. Please don't be hard on yourself. Pornography is a difficult thing

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

genicrop09

Date posted: 16w

21+ only

TW: porn mentioned When I was younger around 18-19 or maybe younger, I stumbled across some porn labeled as 'teen'. I don't remember if I watched it or get scared away by 'teen', but I then searched for porn something like '18-teen years old', I wanted to make sure it was legal. Now I'm spiraling that I did it because I wanted to see someone younger. Or what my intentions could possibly be? It happened for once or I cannot remembered searching something similar ever again. I've always preferred bigger more masculine men, but why I did that then? I had active porn addiction since I was 9 or I'm afraid younger, watched some things that I regret watching... And now I'm 23 and don't watch it all for like 3 years, because I found out that it was unethical. When I was little I preferred BDSM porn and everyone was very mature and I did not watched anything questionable with real people, but some weird fictional stuff, but didn't like it. Now that I remember this I'm very confused and don't know how to continue living with that. I'm just done...

BigGyro09

Date posted: 15w

21+ adults only

Like always, porn has been a problem and I spent the entire night watching it. I feel tons of shame for things I've seen without intending to see, and I feel shame about struggling with it altogether. I kind of feel like crying but not that much. I'm just trying my absolute best to practice acceptance and not judge myself. I'm just trying to see this as a problem that others struggle with as well and not put myself down for it over and over again. I know that doesn't help in the long run, but it's hard not to feel that way.

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