I wish I understood how OCD is affecting my life

@StaceyL Thank you for the reply. I think you are right about the Adderall. I have thought that maybe I can use it sometimes versus everyday. However, going from what I know Adderall does for my ADHD to not is hard. One thing that really broke me for a while now was cleaning out my attic after 15 yrs of stuffing things up there. I got it all out but instead of doing it a little at a time I just got it all out in relatively short period of time then left with massive amounts of stuff everywhere. It’s been months now and I can’t get this mess completed. I have made progress but it’s still a mess and my husbands sick of it and I stress about that and I know it’s making everything worse. Yet, I can’t wrap it up. I don’t know if there is some OCD stuff going on in this that’s making it so hard but I am exhausted by it in every way possible. If one more thing comes up that gets me off my plans in my head to tackle this then I think I am going to scream.

@staysea I just got diagnosed with OCD as well after having a tough 2 years. I had just been off Zoloft for the first time in 6 years and off Ritalin for the first time in 3 years. On top of this i had some major life changes, I didn’t have many friends where I lived and it lead me to enter an unsustainable relationship that left me with some trauma. All of this kinda snowballed and led me here. It was extremely scary. Looking back on my life before these major changes, I now remember my ocd and intrusive thoughts, but it didn’t hinder me nearly as much as it does now. I’m currently on a low dose of lexapro and am thinking of trying Zoloft again. The reason I got off of Zoloft is because I was scared it could be making me feel numb, because I had seen online that it can be a side effect. This can be 100% true for people, but looking back I don’t believe it was for me. I didn’t feel much different after getting off of it, other than being more anxious and feeling more negative overall. That being said, the period of time when I was on Zoloft I felt good, and my mind was definitely a lot quieter! I was able to do the things I enjoyed without having a panic attack, and was open to new experiences. I also had a good community which I believe helped too. When I began taking Ritalin for ADHD I was on an extended release, and had some rapid release for an extra boost as needed. One thing I found very helpful when I was doing this was getting in a large breakfast before taking my medication. This made it so I didn’t get a high and sudden crash. I ultimately stopped taking Ritalin during Covid due to me becoming inconsistent, then weened off of Zoloft and the combination of all of that led to more anxiety and increased ocd, especially over my health and being super anxious about having heart issues, so I didn’t want to be in a stimulant until I felt I was ready.

@Anonymous I lasted half a day when I said I was going off of Adderall. I think I really need to though because I have some physical side effects associated with it that are distracting and just a constant reminder I have these issues. Then I just go over and over and over it in my head the how, the why, the who I got it from etc. I will accept them then not. It’s a merry go round ride I would prefer to get off of. It’s been months of this and normally my brain will exhaust itself on an issue but this is taking too long. I like my brain being more quiet but it short lived on the meds and then I am taking another. The emotional numbness is something every SSRI does to me and I hate it. Someone put it like being stuck in neutral. Now, I personally would not mind some emotional numbness right now but not long term. Prozac knocked me off a hard thought loop of exactly this before that was more intense. I am just exhausted with it all. I hope you find some peace. I wish you the best!

@staysea Well, I lasted maybe half a day if that on being off Adderall. I got zero sleep the night before my planned exit off Adderall and had so much to do that I ended up taking one. I had taken the Wellbutrin at night and they maybe it. I feel like Wellbutrin has turned on me in how it works. It’s more side effects which is odd because I had non for such a long time. Ughhh! Very little sleep last night too. I have gained weight on Adderall as well. I don’t think that’s suppose to happen either. I make up for whatever little appetite I might have at night I guess.