One last kitten video to share

i have ocd and i got myself a kitten last week on saturday, shes 8 weeks old and that weekend i got her and my mom and i watched donnie darko and girl interrupted and one of the characters from girl interrupted is named daisy and i liked the character i related to her and the other one from the other movie we watched was called donnie darko and the character has the last name darko and i thought it was fitting for my kitten since shes a black cat. so i decided to name my kitten daisy darko since my kitten is a girl. i have a dog named Quinn and i named my dog that years ago bc of some friends i had and i have real even ocd and when it comes to that friend i have this memory i want to confess to my partner but confessing is my compulsion so i cant give in. anyways basically i wanted to change my dogs name because it was reminding me of that memory of that friend im trying to forget that makes me feel guilty but i named the dog years ago so there was no use in changing the name now. i named the cat daisy darko bc of those movies i watched so thats what i tied it to but now days later a memory popped in my head that made me feel guilty because i just remembered my ex girlfriend’s favorite flowers were daisies and now i feel guilty and want to change my kitten’s name but i really loved her name to be daisy darko because of donnie darko and girl interrupted but now i have the guilt of that one memory and im scared it will haunt me everytime i say my cat’s name for the rest of my life that it will remind me of that. i don’t know what to do, if i should change the kitten’s name or not. i feel if i keep the name and feel the guilt of remembering my ex’s favorite flowers and remember that every time i call my kitten or baby talk her ill feel that im being unfaithful to my partner. im so scared i just want to enjoy my new experience with my kitten i love my kitten so much shes been helping me a ton i dont want to resent her like i grew to resent my dog. i love my kittens name and dont want to change it but i want to enjoy her and not feel guilty and have the ocd haunting me every time :( idk what to do. i didnt even want to talk about this bc i was scared if i said it to someone it would make it real and give it life rather than let the thought disappear. i was scared to tell my mom i wanted to change my cats name bc a memory popped up and triggered me, she told me to pick the name carefully so that what happened with my dog’s name didnt happen to my cat. im so upset and want to disappear

I saw a Tik tok video randomly of a woman petting her cat at the base of its tail and it making a funny noise. I read the comments and random ppl were saying she was turning her cat on…which is not true. Anyway, one day I saw my sweet cat and decided to sit on the floor and just pet her and love on her. As I was petting her, the intrusive thought of that video came in and I still petted her near the base of her tail literally for like 2 seconds and now my ocd has been questioning intentions and I’m having the hardest time of my life. 😭😭😭 I just need someone to relate to. 😭 Any advice?

So I have a really difficult story to share. It's about one of my kitty cats. My girlfriend and I found her in a parking garage around 6 years ago, and we initially took her in as a foster. We did everything we could to try to find her original owners before moving on to trying to get her taken in at a no-kill shelter. Nobody would take her, so she ended up becoming our cat. This probably wasn't the most wise idea considering I also have a senior cat (10-11 at the time) that had a urinary tract disease that was super sensitive to stress. I stupidly thought that we would be able to introduce them and that they might live in harmony. This was a pipe dream, and they absolutely hated each other. We continued to try. About 6 months into having her, we moved across the country and then Covid happened. We ended up having to move from our original planned apartment into a studio due to a change in roommate plans, so we had 2 cats that didn't get along in a studio. We tried to make due with what we could, and we got a pet gate to separate the bathroom/small hallway/laundry closet from the living/bedroom area. Our new kitty was living in that hallway bathroom area, which looking back was entirely too small for a cat. We didn't have room for a cat tree, but I believe I tried to do my best to let her into the main area to hang out and explore when my old man cat was sleeping. We also occasionally would take her to our building's outdoor area on a leash, but she was not a fan. Still, I know this wasn't enough. It's already bad enough, but there are a few things that made this a lot worse. First, whenever we left the apartment we had to put our young girl in the bathroom to keep her from climbing the gate and fighting our other kitty while we were away. This led to her being in that bathroom for quite a few hours at a time, which I feel insanely guilty about. It was not a large bathroom, and I would never do the same now. Second, my girlfriend and I did not do a good job at keeping a clean house. We both struggle with mental illness (my OCD was very severe at this time and I was going through a multi-year real event fixation that ate almost every waking moment. I ended up coping with a lot of weed and alcohol). So the already small area was messy a lot of the time. The third and worst part of it all is that we lived like this for around 3 years. So for about 3 years of this sweet young girl's life, she knew confinement and understimulation. I tried to spend a lot of time with her and to make sure she could explore the rest of the apartment when the old man was sleeping, but I feel I still didn't do this enough. I can't believe I let her live in such a small messy place for so long. I don't know how I even justified this. I feel like a neglectful monster. I feel so guilty for giving my senior cat priority when it came to his space. I had no idea how long he would be with us, and I've had him since I was 10 so I didn't want to completely uproot and change his lifestyle. But this came at the expense of our younger girl, and I feel it's impossible to forgive myself. I let her down. I neglected her. What I did was considered animal abuse. I know she probably should have gone to live with someone else at that point, I feel like I couldn't see just how bad things had gotten. Well we've been living in a new place for about 2 years now. Both kitties are alive and well, and we now live in a 2 bedroom (the old man lives in our room and our girl roams the kitchen/living room area). We utilize a cardboard gate to let them explore parts of each other's areas when we can. We still struggle with cleanliness, but we're working on it and we make sure she always has clean water, food, and litter. I admittedly still struggled with keeping the litterboxes clean until recently due to the sensory problems of it all, but I've been doing much better than I used to. Our young girl now enjoys laying in the windowsill and hanging out on our couches and chairs. She always greets me in the mornings with a trill, and she frequently approaches with that happy upright question mark tail. Just yesterday she was making biscuits on my stomach. She still likes to play a lot, and I really need to get better at doing that every single day (still struggling with mental health and depression, partially because my old man cat has been going through it recently). So I feel like she probably isn't too traumatized, but there's no way of knowing. She is very loving and social, but also skittish. I feel like it doesn't matter. I feel like I don't deserve to still care for her because of what I put her through. I was 20 when I got her, and that was old enough to know and do better. I'm so sad that she spent nearly half her life like that. It makes me hate myself so much. I feel like she should have been taken away from me for all of that. I feel so guilty that she is still the sweetest girl after going through all of this. I just can't believe I put this darling girl, a sentient living creature, through that hell for 3 years. I don't know what to do or how to proceed. I just know that I am deeply, deeply sorry and regretful. I wish I could do it all again. I feel like it doesn't matter how hard I try now. I don't deserve her.