i know alot of other people experience this but i’m just so worried that i’m not attracted to my partner anymore like i remember when i was with them before i felt like turned on or whatever and really attracted and for the past 2 weeks it’s been a lot less intense and i don’t know why, i think it could be because I’ve been EXTREMELY stressed lately and my period started yesterday so im not sure but im scared
The search for the "why" is just the beginning of the OCD cycle. It's a never ending search. It might be because of stress, it might be hormones, it might be that you simply don't find him attractive. There is a lot of uncertainty and that triggers your rumination of course. But in order to overcome this you need to stop your compulsions. By ruminating about reasons you are also searching for self reassurance. Because if it's "just" you period, then it's okay. But what if not? Aha! Here it is again. OCD creeping in. Don't give OCD room to grow. Don't ruminate about the what if and why. Tell yourself "hey, I notice I don't feel as attracted to my partner right now. OCD wants me to figure out why. I don't have to do what OCD wants. Maybe it means I'm not attracted anymore, maybe not. I accept the current situation and I accept my perception of him right now. I can move on" That would be my advice and I can tell you, I have struggled a lot with this in the past. I of course still have moments where I am not as attracted sometimes even repulsed by my partner. I've changed my core beliefs about attraction in relationships. I don't fear this feeling anymore. I embrace uncertainty. Even if tomorrow I wouldn't be attracted to my partner anymore at all, I know I could handle it. Or at least I would be there for myself :)
@ROCDmensch thankyou for taking your time to share this this helped a great deal 💗
Feelings ebb and flow, they are complex and dynamic, they aren’t stagnant. That’s what makes love a choice, because if love was dependent on always feeling a certain way then every relationship would be failing because no one would know how to properly love. We like to hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations, trying to force ourselves to always feel and think a certain way about our partner, but we need to be patient with ourselves, we need to let ourself welcome those thoughts and feelings. One thing I really struggle with is unconditional love and acceptance, it’s something I know I need to learn if I want to grow in my relationship, because I know my love shouldn’t be conditional on my bf always making me feel a certain way. It’s difficult, but it’s all part of the journey of healing and growing.
@Anonymous_confessions thankyou for taking your time to write all this i appreciate it so much💗
So confused how I can go from feeling this strong sense of “Nothing can happen to my husband, he needs to be safe, I’d never fall in love again or find a better man if something happened to him, we have to grow old together.” (For months!) to suddenly feeling “I’m not attracted to him, oh no my friends’ partners at this cabin retreat are more attractive than him, oh no everyone agrees they’re super attractive, no one said anything about him, maybe we’re going to split up one day because I don’t feel attracted enough to his personality and physicality and maybe that’s why I have vaginismus.” Trying to ride out the wave and figure out what my values are telling me. I know everyone goes through less attracted periods (this one literally started in the car on the way to the cabin so it’s been two days and a half but my brain is thinking such DIRE and depressing thoughts constantly). Anyone have any helpful resources they might recommend? I really wish my attraction wouldn’t unplug like a cord. It seems to be very triggered by public settings with comparison to super cute and happy couples and/ or by my own feelings of boredom with more nerdy topics he discusses with friends.
I’m starting to be convinced it’s not ROCD and I don’t know what to do anymore 😔 I’m very irritable around my partner now and extremely overly critical of his social behaviours and the way he talks and acts and just everything. And I keep seeing other people talking about their symptoms and their intrusive thoughts and how they know they don’t believe those things, and I feel like those things are real flaws that genuinely bug me and it feels real and I’m worried it’s not OCD anymore and I’m scared. I feel like I’m losing touch with reality because of how much I spend in my head worrying and trying to figure out if what I’m thinking is bad.
Anyone else who spends every day with their partner have times where they feel disassociated and just don’t feel anything and panic that you don’t feel anything- makes me sad when I get agitated at everything he does when I feel like that
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
