Thanks NOCD for deleting my post

I think maybe the app has some glitches, which is why you can't see your post. Although there are other glitches too, for now, it doesn't matter. You are struggling with emotional and OCD issues. Just try not to overthink it, and it will pass soon. I know some days are different than others; try to find something positive to think about. I don't know exactly what things make you feel better—listening to a happy song, drinking strong coffee, or watching a TV show. Just choose something you like.

Tonight was the worst night I have had in a long time. I'm so tired of frustrations that I almost don't care what it takes to stop feeling this way. Tonight these two kittens and their mom were trapped so that they could go to a foster setting. I was told by the trapper ahead of time that they didn't need any help, except that they did. They came by in the morning to trap the cat and kittens, but the cats were bedded down, so that plan didn't work. In the meantime however, I wasn't able to get work done because the trapper needed me to call the cat and shake the food bag. I really didn't want to be involved because I don't want the cats associating me with this memory, even though I won't see them again. But I'll agree to helping because I know it's for the cats own good. Finally after a couple hours they give up and say they'll be back around 5. OK, no problem. I already told them I was going on site for work later, so I'm not to worried because I probably won't be back home by 5. I get into work even later than I planned because of the way this disrupted my day, and the extra time it takes me just to prepare to go in, due to ocd stuff. I also told the trapper I had a telehealth appointment for my talk therapy between 5 and 6, so I won't be available, but after my appintment I find that the missed called that occurred was from them. They also sent a text saying that they were coming at 6 instead. Well, it's 6 when I got the call, and I'm still an hour and 25 minutes away taking my therapy call in my car at work. So I sent a text back and said, no problem and that I'm not home yet. Now, with the interruptions this morning, and rushing to go to work, I realized on my drive in that the only nurishment that I've had at this point is a pint of chocolate milk. I figure I'll get something when I get to work, except everything is picked over. So, maybe I'll grab some food when I go for my call at 5, which was only about an hour and a half wait at that point. I take my call, and afterwards, I decide I'm just going to head home and eat there, because it's already 6 o'clock. On the way home, another text. Trapper say they aren't there yet, but they are going to be there at 7:30. I reply ok, I'll probably be getting home around that time anyway. I get home and I don't get to go inside to eat or relax because the trapper needs my help again. We caught the mom and her 2 babies, and the whole process sent my anxiety through the roof. I was happy that the cats were going to have a better life, but I felt horrible about trapping them and I just wanted to put my clothes in the hamper and take a shower. There is a second mom that has one kitten, so we were also trying to trap them. The whole time my stomach is growling, but now I need a shower before I can sit down to eat. At 9:15 the trapper say she is going to call it a night and get the trapped cat/kittens where they're going, and settled. She asks me to keep an eye on the trap so that we can still try to catch the other mom and kitten. NO FRUCKELING WAY! I mean, I'll tell you whatever you need to hear, but as soon as you drive off, I'm triggering the trap and going inside for a shower. Normally I would be heading to the grocery store around 10pm, when it's quiet, but guess the grocery store isn't going to happen tonight. So, ok, one foot in front of the other. First thing, let's wash my hands. Dang it, my hand hit the faucet. Ok, more soap and wash again. Dang it, it happened again. This must have happened about 9 times in a row. Well almost in a row. I stopped two or three times to shout a string of profanity that could be heard 2 miles away. Now I have gotten my shower, but I still need to get my laptop out of my car, I need to wash my cell phone and my credit cards that were in my pocket. I'm just so fricking tired of ocd and I want to stop feeling this way. I hate this, and I hate getting caught in situation like tonight, where someone else's poor planning affects the plans I laid out, which are frigging essential for me to be able to function at all. I'm just tired and the progress I've made in getting away from these feelings, feels like it translates to a enormous risk when those feelings spring back with a crap ton of potential energy. I hate this life that ocd has made for me.